Frumpzilla

Lobsters…WOW!

Ahhh, youth.  It really is wasted on the young, ya know.  At least for the most part.  There are exceptions, of course, as you’ll see below.

This young lad ain’t taking anything for granted, nor should he…

Teen Wolf minus the chest, possibly pubic hair

Teen angst: Possibly the most illogical force mankind has ever known. The fear. The loathing. The inability to compensate for it all by going on an epic Las Vegas binge without risking a significant spell in Juvie Hall. I thought I’d seen it all until this: kids attaching raccoon tails to their asses and calling themselves “The Wolfpack.”

It’s not, like, some kind of “cool” wolfpack either. Like, maybe one you’d see referenced in The Hangover, or something. It’s this, what you’ll soon see below.

There’s actually quite a lot going on here. Let’s see, there’s the newscasters’ presentation, which, of course, lends way too much credence to the ridiculousness of this story; the choice commentary (at 1:24) from possibly the most stereotypical guidance counselor in existence; the alleged murder of family pets…I mean, it’s just a really well put together piece.

My favorite part, though, has to be the interview with the supportive, yet grounded, mom; her cub standing not less than 7 feet away, in passive defiance (about 3:18). I so wanted “Lupus” to let out — via primal scream — what he surely must have been feeling inside: “F*CK YOU, MOM! YOU’LL NEVER UNDERSTAND ME!”

Ahhhh. Kids these days…

Thanks to Dbj for the link and some inspiration…

Freaky Sexy World Records

Jonah Falcon, proud record holder

Another gem found on the WolfWeb is this blog “the frisky” listing the 13 Freakishly Sexy World Records

Records include “worlds strongest vagina”, “worlds biggest orgy” and most orgasms in one sitting

Frump it for some tasty tidbits to amaze your friends and try to beat yourself!

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Turtle bites dog in the naughty bits. Now that’s a Friday story…

At first, you know, I kind of felt sorry for this poor pup. I mean, I can’t begin to imagine what kind of pain he must have felt when this tortoise chomped down on his boys. Almost certainly made him wish he hadn’t protested so much when his owners contemplated getting him neutered, yeah?

But then it struck me: Wait a tick, he obviously knew the turtle was heading down to his nether regions. In fact, at first he pushes him away. Then, at second glance, is he not thinking: “God da…well. Hmmm, turtle is by my sack. F*ck it. Let’s just see how this plays out.” You know, hoping someone else might lick his balls for a change. Big mistake.

It’s the risk you take, I suppose — when you allow a turtle to get that close to the testes. This dog gambled and lost…

Thanks to Dbj for the tip and inspiration…

The Miracle of Evolution?

According to The Sun, British boobs are growing at a rapid pace.  You know it is getting bad when the former “big dog”, a bra called “The Windsock” (a K cup size), is no longer big enough for the largest Brit busts.  To counter the problem, the Bravissimo Chain and Debenhams (a department store I guess) has introduced the KK Cup for the suffering, squashed and stuffed ladies of the UK.

For a little perspective on how big the KK bra is, EACH cup is 10 inches wide…the diameter of most dinner plates.

Experts evidently blame pollution and hormones (The Chese blames McDonalds, but that is perhaps for another post) and believe that it wont be long until a LL will be necessary.

Cheerio!

Cat trying to revive her mate may be the saddest thing you’ll see today, possibly ever

Hey, it’s Friday, and that’s fantastic. But let’s not get ahead of ourselves, okay? Don’t start popping the “Happy Pills” and sloshing down the brews just yet. A positive outlook has its place, but it’s also important to maintain balance, and never forget just how tragic and depressing this life can be.

I mean, there’s rape, murder, the music of Insane Clown Posse, cancer, brussels sprouts, the list goes on and on.  Oh, and then there’s scenes like this. 

So happy frumpin’ Friday, you cheery son of a b*tch.  Have a wonderful weekend…

Thanks to Dbj for the link

Jenna Jameson is Looking Goooooood

Fresh off her baby-daddy drama, Tito Ortiz a.k.a. “Captain Obvious”  is now claiming Jenna has a drug problem.

I have never understood the phrase, “rode hard and put up wet” until now.  Yikes.  Little girls everywhere take note…a life of porn, drugs and plastic surgery is no way to coast into menopause.

(thanks to the superficial for the pic)

Boob pops out at Braves game, men all over look just like these guys

Just goes to show…you always have to be on your toes.  You never know when a boob is going to show up…

Video and pics after the frump

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Octopus steals video camera, diver reclaims it after offering the creature ride on his spear gun

Our motto here at Frumpzilla may be Sports, Entertainment and Social Commentary from Unprofessional, Highly Irresponsible Sources, but that doesn’t mean we can’t occasionally bring you the goods from the weird and wild world of the Animal Kingdom.

Now, other than the fact that they’re absolutely delicious, I can’t say I know all that much about Octopuses. Judging from this video, however, I’d say they’re probably quite curious and playful.  See, just as I was screaming for the diver to do a barrel roll a get the frump outta there, it turns out the octopus apparently just wanted to play with his video camera, which continued to record as the cephalopod (yes, I looked that word up) made its getaway.

Oh, and how does one go about getting their camera back from octopus?  By offering it a ride on your spear gun, of course…

Thanks to Dbj for the link.

Since when do clubs/bars still want to charge a cover at 1:35 am?

you get nothing! you lose! good day sir!

So while the details of this weekend are still a bit fuzzy to me, I do distinctly remember trying to visit a local establishment, typically reserved for ‘gentlemen,’ late Saturday night.  A buddy (who shall go unnamed) and I decided it would be a great idea to visit said club for a nightcap, only to be rebuffed with the audacity of a cover charge at 1:35 am!!  No way in hell am I paying a $15 cover right before you close.  I don’t care if Lindsey Lohan is in the champagne room giving freebies.  I communicated this to the door chick who would would not waver from her insistence of a full charge, unwilling to even negotiate.   She was like Obama at the health care summit last week.

Think about this.  You are closing in 2o minutes.  You have customers that want to come inside to buy your ridiculously overpriced liquor.  Your parking lot is half empty…its obviously a slow night.  Why on Earth would you turn customers away that late into the night?  That makes zero sense.

You get nothing.  You lose.  Good day sir (madame).

PS – When pressed on the issue, the chick at the door taking the money kept saying, “well we’ve been open since 7.”  What does that have to do with anything?  Am I missing something?

Frump’s long lost cousin?

I mean it has to be right?  No matter that rabbits probably have millions of cousins….

ANYWHO

Ralph tips the scales at a Frumpalicious  3 Stone (42 lbs to those of you without an iphone conversion app)

Ralph the Rabbit

(thanks to Barstool Sports)

btw…this girl does nothing to dispel the stereotype of hideous British teeth.  yeesh.

FRIDAY FRUMP CLASSIC (on Sunday)

Back to the Frump!

Original Frump:

KFC Confessions:  Three Donks, a Greasy Sink and a Bottle of Dawn

Splish, Splash

Now, I’ve never worked in the fast food industry, but I would think that rule #1 is “Don’t take a bath in the sink.”  Well #2, actually, because #1 has to be “Don’t go deuce in the sink or the ‘dining room’.”  Well, three Donks out in Anderson, Cali broke that sacred rule and lost Colonel Sanders’ trust and respect forever.  Questions and soapy, greasy details after the jump.  Well, not too many because it’s gross.

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FRIDAY FRUMP CLASSIC

Back to the Frump!

Original Frump:

LET THEM EAT CAKE!!!

Homeless and thirsty

While my ultimate prediction was [FAIL], looking back on the election activities of the Dems is still funny.

“Hundreds of Denver’s homeless could be cooling their heels in a movie theater or museum while the Democratic National Convention is in town next month.

The Colorado Coalition for the Homeless plans to get 500 movie tickets as well as passes to the Denver Zoo, Denver Museum of Nature and Science and other cultural facilities for the people it helps.”

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Cochese rejoices, chickens everywhere declare resistance “futile.”

CHICK-fil-A TO ADD FRIED SPICY CHICKEN SANDWICH

chickens flee

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Frumpzilla PSA: Watch Your Back Around Your Pets

Ever felt like your pets are trying to tell you something? Perhaps even harboring an intense, calculated desire to kill you? Sure, we all have. I can’t tell you how many times I got that strange feeling after one of me and Frump’s staring contests went just a little too far. Very unsettling.

Of course, sometimes I guess it’s worth taking a step back and asking yourself if your furry (or feathered) friends may actually have a legitimate reason for secretly plotting a fail safe scheme to extinguish your life. You know, maybe if, like, you were douchey enough to film yourself doing sit-ups, or something. It’s worth considering…

Thanks to DBJ for the video