Frumpzilla

James Brown’s body may have harbored even more soul than previously thought

LaRhonda Pettit, the Godfather of Soul’s illegitimate daughter, presumably broke out in a cold sweat over the news that her father’s body has apparently gotten up off that crypt that was housing his body in South Carolina and is now, thusly, out of sight.  It’s true, James Brown’s body is missing, and, given the controversy regarding the circumstances surrounding his death, I’ve got the feeling  that this could turn out to be a super bad situation.

Upon Brown’s passing back in 2006, initial reports suggested it was the drugs, alcohol and painkillers the hardest working man in show business was doing to death that brought about his demise at the tender age of 73.  Ms. Pettit, however, believed there was foul play, but her requests for an autopsy have been repeatedly denied.  In light of this, LaRhonda now thinks her father’s body is being hidden to ensure a full post-mortem examination is never performed, sparing any alleged perpetrators the big payback that would surely await them once discovered.

Of course, strange things happen, and there’s certainly a chance, however slim, that Brown may be back up on the good foot, living in America and making it funky in ways never thought possible.  In that case, who knows, perhaps Brown will be delivering the payback himself.  Either way, this bizarre story is sure to leave many feeling bewildered.

Source: The Daily Mail (The Admiral with the link and shoop)

What else is The Potty Dance teaching our kids?

Hey, if you haven’t heard of The Potty Dance yet, wake up and join modern society, okay? This thing may or may not be sweeping the nation as you read (at least amongst those with kids that have yet to master the complex intricacies associated with socially acceptable urination and bowel movements), and we certainly don’t want you experiencing that awkward exchange in line at Starbucks when one of your friends from yoga class randomly brings up how “Lil Matt” was doing the “Poo-Poo Dance” the other night (reputations get hurt that way).

The problem is, despite how fantastic this thing is (and it really is fantastic, isn’t it?), there’s still a subtle, yet quite troubling undercurrent present in it all (which we highlight after the jump (and it actually has nothing to do with those creepy firemen))

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“Milk-a-what?!?!?!”

“Actress”, “Model”, and all-around “classy” gal Lindsay Lohan is back in the news today.  My guess is, reality finally struck Ms. Lohan and she realized no one was willing to pay her anymore for doing absolutely nothing.  So naturally, she’s moved on to the next easiest way to never work a day in her life, a lawsuit.  Lindsay Lohan is suing E-Trade for $100 million claiming they modeled a character in their latest commercial after her.

The New York Post says: (more…)

Things God may or may not have written on his or her hand…

Hey, as a disclaimer, we here at Frumpzilla don’t claim to know a whole buttload of crap about the Gospels, or God, or whatever, and if we do have an area of expertise (debatable), it’s certainly not theology.  That said, when faced with frumping about topics we happen to be particularly ignorant about, we feel it’s wiser to turn to an authority; someone intimately associated with the subject. In this case, Sarah Palin.

As I’m sure most of you know by now, Sarah Palin likes to write little reminders on her hand(s). She even references them during speeches and stuff. Sarah’s tried to make light of this, of course, and, to be fair, I’ve really never felt it was that big of a deal…until now.

A few days ago, Palin, apparently still a little self conscious about her hand notes, attempted to further rationalize the practice by citing the Book of Isaiah, Chapter 49, verse 16 which reads (in pertinent part):

Behold, I have graven thee upon the palms of my hands

Long story short, the Bible says God wrote on “his”  hand to help “him” remember things, which Sarah Palin has confirmed for us, and therefore Palin and her manual reminders are in good company.

Needless to say, I’m satisfied.  But what else might God, in his or her* infinite wisdom, have needed a handy little note to remind him or her to do?  Just about the entire Frumpzilla staff offers some suggestions for you (in no particular order) after the jump.  We’d love to hear some from you as well…

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It’s lewd, vesivius, salacious, outrageous!

niiiiice

 New Jersey soccer Mom (probably) is offended by nude snowman, calls the police, forces creator to “dress it”

 You can just picture some easily offended PC-minded bed-wetter driving by this house, with her 2 1/2 snot-nosed rug rats packed in their ‘04 Dodge Caravan, who had just enough of a hissy to actually call the police about a snowman.   

This person is the same person who complains after seeing a bare ass on network TV at 10:30 at night…or a tit pop during the Super Bowl…the person who generally believes the world should conform to the fact that she has kids.  She has no time, nor the instincts of personal responsibility, to explain to her ankle-biters the things in the world.  Rather, she chooses to shield them from anything remotely provactive and deprive the rest of us of spontaneous comedy.

Very annoying.  Its just snow T & A.

Man survives three-week erection, may regret living to tell about it…

It’s true. A 55 year-old man saved himself, and his penis (to a degree), finally seeking emergency medical treatment after managing to go three straight weeks on the up and up.   In light of the many practical inconveniences posed by Priapism, how he was able to pull off this stiff task remains unclear.

Adding insult to injury, this was an unavoidable, all-natural arousal, too. Our hapless victim hadn’t even taken any “enhancement” drugs. Rather, his condition was triggered by some rare “nervous disorder.” Seriously.

To make matters worse, and in a stroke of truly bitter sweet irony, despite emergency surgery saving him and his member, this little episode has rendered the poor bastard impotent. So now, though apparently having the mojo to keep it up for a fortnight or more, he’ll have to pop a little blue pill or two if he wants some action. What a world, what a world…

Source: Metro.  Dbj with the link

UNC to wear all gay – I mean all gray

UNC to wear all gray

Just for one night….in college….they are just a little curious..

(thanks to Buster Sports)

Here is Roy Williams taking a page right out of Butch Davis’ book.  I guess he cant stand that color either.

Jay Leno Sucks, No One Likes Him

You should've called it quits Jay.

The old saying goes, “lead with your best foot forward”.  This is equally true when you’re starting out a “new” late night show.  Conan O’Brien did this in June of 2009 when he started ‘The Tonight Show’ on NBC.  A sample of the guests Conan booked for his first 2 weeks looks like this(in order of appearance):

Will Ferrell, Pearl Jam, Tom Hanks, Green Day, Gwyneth Paltrow, John Mayer, Patton Oswalt, Eddie Murphy, Bonnie Raitt & Taj Mahal, Rancid, Norm MacDonald, Jim Gaffigan, Neko Case, Jamie Foxx, and Kevin Nealon

That’s 15 fairly large names and a considerable group of talent, hard to argue otherwise.  Now, let’s take a look at a sample of Leno’s scheduled first two weeks(in order of appearance):

Jamie Foxx, Lindsey Vonn, Brad Paisley, Sarah Palin, Shaun White, Cast of Jersey Shore, Apolo Ohno, Avril Lavigne, Matthew McConaughey, Morgan Freeman, Simon Cowell, Animal Expert Dave Salmoni, Joan Jett, Guy Fieri, and Dana Carvey

Let me take this moment to say (more…)

Juggalo News

I’ll be the first to admit that I’m really not all that familiar with Insane Clown Posse and their music, although I guess I may be proud of that. I’ve also learned what a “juggalo” is just today, but then that probably only adds to my aforementioned point of pride.

Well, apparently juggalos now have a news channel tailored specifically to their kind and culture. Seriously, utterly fascinating. Enjoy, but please mind the rather harsh, esoteric language…

If you still need some help defining just what the hell a “juggalo” is, apparently this is a fairly good place to start, and thanks to dbj for educating me in the mysterious ways of the juggalo.

This guy wants to referee your child’s wrestling match

Creepy.

(another contribution from the sick and twisted minds of the Wolfweb)

How often do you watch Racism?

So I finally caved to peer pressure and signed up for Netflix yesterday, and, like I am with nearly all new “toys,” once everything was setup, there was a fairly lengthy, obsessive session of exploring its functionality in an effort to maximize the return on my investment.

I was advised that simply rating a whole butt load of movies I’d seen was a good place to start, because this would enable the service to make better suggestions.  Made sense.

So I’m sitting there, rating up a storm under all genres,  and intrigued by how Netflix classifies each type before asking how often I watch that type:  Old School, “College Movies”; Full Metal Jacket, “Military Movies”; Gangs of New York, “Period Pieces”; Rudy, “Movies Based on Real Life”; Once Upon a Time in America, “Gangster Movies,”  etc. etc. etc.  You know, enjoying seeing how all the pieces come together.

Well, at some point I come across Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle (which I find quite entertaining under certain circumstances), rate it, and then get the message that you see pictured here…

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Sin is filthy, and so is Pastor Tony Schultz

That is all (and thanks to dbj).

Danish Curlers complain that crowd noise is “unfair”

Its no wonder their country is named after the doughnut’s inferior breakfast cousin.  What a bunch of panty-wastes…

Madeleine Dupont (center)

I am pretty sure you should be automatically dismissed from the Olympics if you complain about crowd noise as the determining factor in your failure. Lame sauce.  Sack up.

Denmark’s Madeleine Dupont said she was unable to control the weight of a key shot near the end of Friday’s game against Canada because of the noise.

Ive always had the same bone to pick with tennis players and golfers.  The hardest thing to do in sports is to hit major league pitching, and those guys do it in front of 30k+ screaming, hostile fans.

An official with the venue told Reuters that beer sales there were expected to be second only to ice hockey.

Yup.  If they sold mint schnapps they would probably make enough to cover their national health care.  Dudes crush the schnapps while curling.  Ask somebody.

Interview with Epic Beard Man from the AC Transit bus beatdown…

I guess I’ll just let this speak for itself. I thought that looked like a Muhammad Ali left, though. Oh, and don’t f*ck with ole senior citizens. They might just surprise you…(NSFW language in the video, and thanks to dbj for the tip).

And for those that have no idea who this Epic Beard Man is, start here…

Fowl Play?

As fate would have it, Frumpzilla has come across some rather interesting photos of Lee Fowler, NC State’s much maligned athletic director, in his off season activities…which, based on the success (or lack thereof) of his tenure,  may or may not be year round.

Oh, and dear, dear Frumpsters, we have several more for you after the jump…

If the ship's going down, Lee Fowler is ready. If only State fans could get their hands around his neck...

Own it, Lee...f*cking own it with that power stance! Live it, live it!

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