As you can see to the left, this cop is landing a strong right hook on the face of what turns out to be a 17-year old girl. Just by looking at the picture, what would you imagine the circumstances to be that led to such a fierce blow to be reigned down upon her?

• A.) She was wielding a knife, threatened the lives of the innocent and obviously resisted arrest.
• B.) She was caught Jaywalking and resisted arrest.
• C.) She was on PCP, drunk, belligerent and resisted arrest.

For a thrilling video, we’d of course hope for the trifecta here, but you may be surprised to find out it was only choice B. To the cops defense, there were a couple girls fighting against him and his department seems to back his actions. I do agree that, no matter if you’re a man or a woman, if you resist arrest or try to fight any cop, you should expect an unfavorable outcome for yourself. That being said, seriously pal, you can’t handle this situation any better?

Video of the whole thing, reactions/aftermath and a link to the article after the frump.

http://www.komonews.com/news/96413004.html?

Now, of course, I understand that care requirements often necessitate residency in one of these repositories where sad, confused old people go to die, and that’s all good and fine. I guess I just wish it didn’t have to be that way.

Don’t get me wrong, though. I mean, I’ll definitely be shipping my folks off to one the first chance I get; whenever I can get them declared incompetent, or something (despite their claims to the contrary, I fully suspect my parents never check/read Frumpzilla, so I guess consider that “joke” a test).

I just hope by that time the entertainment packages have evolved beyond that of bingo and knitting classes. Something a bit more upbeat and fun loving, you know? Like, say, The Bay City Rollers performing their #1 hit single from 1975, “Saturday Night.” Oh, the humanity!

Thanks to T-Rex for the video…

Now, I probably won’t ever take these pipes on the road, but then I’m more of a studio artist, I think. Studios and cars (with the volume on 11). Besides, putting together a group of top notch musicians is so hard these days, and, based on my mobile/automotive performances, I’m pretty sure a songbird such as myself needs a worthy complement of musical accompaniment. As you’ll soon see below, I’m obviously not the only one.

This is an oldie — in more ways than one — but a goodie nonetheless, and really serves as a shining example of just how important that aforementioned musical accompaniment can be. And to be clear, I’m not necessarily singling out David Lee Roth for ridicule here; he just happens to be readily accessible. In fact, I’m sure an overwhelming majority of the “great” voices in popular music would fare similarly if put to such a test. If nothing else, I think this phenomenon offers quite a bit of insight into why a cappella isn’t a more popular musical form….

You know, I had pretty much resigned myself to the belief that this was easily the most epic display of skins dominance in recent memory. Needless to say, I now stand corrected.

This guy just demands respect, Frumpsters. Or perhaps ridicule. Possibly both. Either way, he’s pretty dang awesome. How Rick K managed to secure his services as one of the “Allnighters” is beyond me (check out another performance after the jump).

Stay classy Miami Living magazine.

It’s not, like, some kind of “cool” wolfpack either. Like, maybe one you’d see referenced in The Hangover, or something. It’s this, what you’ll soon see below.

There’s actually quite a lot going on here. Let’s see, there’s the newscasters’ presentation, which, of course, lends way too much credence to the ridiculousness of this story; the choice commentary (at 1:24) from possibly the most stereotypical guidance counselor in existence; the alleged murder of family pets…I mean, it’s just a really well put together piece.

My favorite part, though, has to be the interview with the supportive, yet grounded, mom; her cub standing not less than 7 feet away, in passive defiance (about 3:18). I so wanted “Lupus” to let out — via primal scream — what he surely must have been feeling inside: “F*CK YOU, MOM! YOU’LL NEVER UNDERSTAND ME!”

Ahhhh. Kids these days…

Thanks to Dbj for the link and some inspiration…

London unveiled their Olympic mascots yesterday. That’s really all I should have to write and you could infer the rest by simply staring at the picture. However, that’s not the effort that earns me 20 dollars every 3 months from this site so I SHALL PUSH ON!!!

There were some great ideas on the table as London chose their Olympic mascot; a Big-Ben with arms and legs, giant pigeons(from Trafalgar Square), and an animated tea-pot. Then there was this idea. “Two futuristic, magical beings”, as described by the creator. These non-gendered cyclopses were created to be endearing to children and promote at least $25 million in sales of stuffed animals, posters, and more before the games kick off in 2012. Although if I’m sleeping in a crib(you can never rule it out) I don’t think that’s the first thing I want staring at me when I wake up during a lightning storm.

Those giant cyclops eyeballs? They’re meant to refer to the digital age of webcams, iphones, and cameras. Yes, in a country that has been under scrutiny by it’s citizens due to their excessive use of cameras on streets as surveillance, the natural choice is to make giant cameras the world renowned symbol of the 2012 Olympic games in their most famous city. There are also rumors that the mascots themselves will be equipped with cameras for when they’re walking around at the games. Brilliant.

The implication that there will be customizable options for these mascots when you purchase has already inspired many parodies across Britain. London has stuck with the not-so-well received logo(reasons may be inferred by viewing the creatively colored logo below), so you can pretty much assume Wenlock and Mandeville, the 2012 Olympic cyclop spies are here to stay.

Jonah Falcon, proud record holder

Another gem found on the WolfWeb is this blog “the frisky” listing the 13 Freakishly Sexy World Records

Records include “worlds strongest vagina”, “worlds biggest orgy” and most orgasms in one sitting

Frump it for some tasty tidbits to amaze your friends and try to beat yourself!

1.  World’s Strongest Vagina – Russian Tatiata Kozhevnikova, age 42 can bench 31 pounds with her lady parts

Part of Kanye's workout plan?

2.  World’s Longest Tongue – German Annika Irmler at 2.7 inches

3.  World’s Biggest Dong – Brit Jonah Falcon at 13.5 inches – In a weird twist of irony, Jonah lives at home with his mom and is…get this…an out of work actor.

Proud

4.  World’s Biggest Orgy – Japanese won this with 500 people

5.  Most Orgasms in one sitting – Man – 31 times (how is this possible without aid of some kind of drug?)

Woman – 222 times

6.  Biggest Fake Boobs – American (yay!) “Maxi Mounds”  61-MMM cup

Maxi Mounds

7.  Biggest Real Boobs – American (yay?) Norma Stitz 73.5-WWW cup

Norma Stitz

8.  Longest Pubic Hair – South African Manoi Vi sports a 28 inch bush

huge bush

9.  Furthest Ejaculation – Man – 18 feet

Woman – 10.3 feet

10.  Skipping this one.  You will thank me.

11.  Longest Legs – Russian Svetlana Pankratova 4 feet 4 inches (played bball for VCU)

12.  Smallest Waist – Brit Grandma Cathie Jung trained her waist down from 26 inches to 15 inches

Cathie Chug

13.  Also skipping this one.  It is not that gross, just silly and a serious blog like this one cant be bothered with such nonsense

There’s been “fat girls,” “gay guy,” “college chicks.” You know, the usual suspects for this kind of stuff. Well, this most recent submission takes the cake, and by “takes the cake” I mean truly creeps me the hell out.

Seriously, I’m not some wholesome, up tight, moralistic prude or anything — far from it, actually — but just what the f*ck are people thinking these days? Isn’t this basically just a burlesque show of 10 and under girls? Dancing to a song about jaded, single women (For real, screw him liking it and putting a ring on it; if you were really over “it”, you wouldn’t need to champion a song like this)?

Were there lots of guys in dark sunglasses and trench coats in the back row? Perhaps someone in a bear costume? Jeeze…

Thanks to Dbj for the tip.

Let’s see: Pants off; sitting on the toilet; kid in a laundry basket; mom, presumably, on camera duty…I mean, there’s just so much going on here. I’m perhaps most perplexed by the fact that the Ferris wheel operator seems to be sitting on the toilet while the seat it up. Who the hell does that? Utterly fascinating…

Thanks to Dbj for the tip…

How much in the red is Mr. Felli Fel gonna be after paying the licensing costs for this? My money’s still on “Miracles” as far as hilarity is concerned, but this is close. There’s some explicit, NSFW lyrics in here, so if you’re at work, make sure you’ve got your cans ready…

Thanks to The Admiral for the tip. Also, these seem to keep getting nuked by Warner Brothers, so I’ll try to find new ones as often as I can

MIRACULOUS.

A man, Lord Jesus Christ, aka Lord Jesus Christ, suffered minor injuries while walking down a Northampton street on Tuesday….cheating death as 200o pounds of of hurtling steel and flammable liquids hurtled towards Christ as he crossed on a crosswalk.

At the same time, Lord Jesus Christ, aka Timothy Tebow, leads the NFL in jersey sales only a few short weeks into his NFL career.  Tebow’s brand bested such tried All-Pro, NFL warriors like Donovan McNabb, Drew Brees, Peyton Manning and Brett Farve as a third-string situational, developmental QB.

In we trust.  Hallelujah!!

Last night, a 17 year old fan was tasered by the police after running onto the field at a Philadelphia Phillies game. This is not a new thing. Not the running onto the field and unfortunately not the tasering. I personally feel this tasering technique is getting a bit out of control. I absolutely see it’s worth in certain situations where the police or other people are in danger. But, on a 17 year old in an open field being chased by at least 5 people?!? C’mon.

If those 5 grown people couldn’t catch this kid, he should’ve been allowed to run around on the field all game long. It would add an interesting aspect to the game of baseball. Amateur video of this tasering is below the frump along with some other quite famous(unnecessary) uses of the taser gun, one of which is very NSFW fyi.

The True Philly Phanatic

Don’t Tase Me Bro!

This hyper active kid was merely trying to ask John Kerry some unfavorable questions. However, what about freedom of speech? He obviously wasn’t too threatening, just annoying.

The Coachella Naked Wizard (NSFW)

Hallucinogens can be fun. They can be fun, but they’re not a game. This Wizard found that out the hard way. These rent-a-cops just couldn’t stand a guy tripping his balls off having too much fun. Of course, it’s not my first choice to have a naked dude stand next to me at a show, but at least this one would make me feel really good about myself. That has to count for something right?

Naked Wizard Tased By Reality from Tracy Anderson on Vimeo.

According to The Sun, British boobs are growing at a rapid pace.  You know it is getting bad when the former “big dog”, a bra called “The Windsock” (a K cup size), is no longer big enough for the largest Brit busts.  To counter the problem, the Bravissimo Chain and Debenhams (a department store I guess) has introduced the KK Cup for the suffering, squashed and stuffed ladies of the UK.

For a little perspective on how big the KK bra is, EACH cup is 10 inches wide…the diameter of most dinner plates.

Experts evidently blame pollution and hormones (The Chese blames McDonalds, but that is perhaps for another post) and believe that it wont be long until a LL will be necessary.

Cheerio!

Thanks to Dbj for the link

Yep, that’s David on his Honda CBR600F4i with full Repsol colors.  I have no idea what that means — those numbers and the color thing, I mean — but apparently it was a family gift, and one that was obviously very important to Mr. Colon.

David apparently will maintain his death grip on the handlebars of that glorious piece of machinery until later today, when the Marin Funeral Home will place Mr. Colon’s body into the same dirt he surely enjoyed burning out while with us.  The circle of life, as they say.

Of course, I’m wondering why they don’t simply bury the bike with him.  As he sits now, surely they could just roll him, lower him, etc., into a vault or something, yeah?  But then I guess that’s an undertaking I’m really not all that qualified to comment on.  Either way, we honor Mr. Colon’s passion a bit more after the jump (more pics and a video)…

Thanks to Dbj for the link, found at Motorcycle.com (via Autoblog)

So I had heard about the (fake) John Calipari sending Marquis Teague a message on facebook a couple days ago, but had yet to see a screenshot today. This appears to be a screenshot of (fake) Calipari’s facebook inbox. In it you’ll see Marquis Teague is on board with all the shady s@#t him and Cal are into.

Of course I may just want to believe this is true, but why would Teague even answer if he thought it was a fake? I’m sure the Louisville fans are all over this as they’re more than pissed on how Teague’s recruitment ended(in fact, this is where the screenshot came from apparently, kudos). There was talk of Cal having Lebron James call Teague to seal the deal. The whole marriage between Cal, Lebron, World Wide Wes, and Nike really has me sick with the NCAA who turns it’s head as they count their billions of dollars. But that’s for another story.

For now, enjoy (fake) Calipari’s duping of Marquis Teague, but don’t hold your breath, nothing will ever come of it.

See those teeth over there?  Yeah, they’re manufactured specifically to rip manhood to shreds, at least to the extent that a perpetrator will be requiring serious medical attention.  The medical attention is kind of the main point of it all, too, as a trip to the ER with that oh so common “Yeah, I accidentally slipped my junk into the salad shooter again” excuse is likely to raise some eyebrows.  There’s also, of course, the chance to escape Rapex may provide victims when their assailant first realizes his offender has become dinner.  So, that’s a positive…

Now, though it seems the mere chance that someone might be sporting one of these things would be quite a deterrent in and of itself, I guess it doesn’t necessarily hurt to go the extra mile and actually use it.  I just worry about the wild night some lovely lady may meet that charming gentleman at the bar; a drink or ten later, and, what do you know, they’re off for a fully consensual “casual encounter.”  Problem is, as we’re all aware, there’s a tendency to become a tad forgetful while under the influence, and, well, let’s just say someone’s going to be sobering up rather quickly in that situation.

Back to Big Ben, I’ve read a lot lately about how Roethlisberger’s public image is unsalvageable at this point, but I’m not sure that’s fair.  I mean, if Michael Vick can entertain the possibility of atoning by becoming a spokesperson for PETA, is the thought of Big Ben’s mug appearing on the box of Rapex hanging behind the clerk at your local gas station so far fetched?  One can dream…

Special thanks to The Admiral for the tip and some inspiration.

Firm numbers have not been released yet, however estimations are in the millions. That’s bad for business. These aren’t your grandmother’s computers keeping her from attempting to retrieve that birthday e-card over dialup either. These are serious systems. Engadget reports the affected range from Intel facilities to Dish Network call centers(and many in between).

I’m not going to turn this into a dork debate(you can feel free to start that in the comments btw), however I will say I’m happy to be typing this story on my MacBook. Check out the press release from McAfee after the frump.

McAfee is aware that a number of customers have incurred a false positive error due to incorrect malware alerts on Wednesday, April 21. The problem occurs with the 5958 virus definition file (DAT) that was released on April 21 at 2.00 PM GMT+1 (6am Pacific Time).

Our initial investigation indicates that the error can result in moderate to significant performance issues on systems running Windows XP Service Pack 3.

The faulty update has been removed from McAfee download servers for corporate users, preventing any further impact on those customers. We are not aware of significant impact on consumer customers and believe we have effectively limited such occurrence.

McAfee teams are working with the highest priority to support impacted customers and plan to provide an update virus definition file shortly. McAfee apologizes for any inconvenience to our customers

Btw, Engadget also reports this affects SP2 as well. Thanks to “lilpistolstarta” for the heads up.

It’s happened to all of us.  You drink a beer(or 30), sit out in the sun all day, and maybe even take something for that sore back of yours. Next thing you know, even the most dependable footwear turns it’s back on you.  It happens all the time.  It recently happened to the fellow above at Coachella 2010.  Enjoy the video as well as our play-by-play below!

• 0:05 – Man makes first contact
• 0:06 – Man loses it to a stumble back
• 0:12 – Man attempts to use opposable thumbs to his advantage, sits down instead
• 0:14 – Inconsiderate girls walk in front of camera
• 0:16-0:23 – Flip-Flop manages to avoid the usually strong “pinch” technique
• 0:24 – Outside source sabotages flip-flop
• 0:25-0:33 – Man, w/ flip-flop in grasp attempts to secure it on foot
• 0:34-0:41 – Man basks in glory w/ flip-flop on foot, adjusts glasses
• 0:45 – In a drastic turn of events, Man stands upright, loses both flip-flops, it’s on now
• 0:46-1:04 – Man takes break to mumble incoherently to group of girls, flip-flops laugh
• 1:05-1:16 – In what seems like 2 minutes, Man stumbles and eventually grasps flops in hands(not feet)
• 1:17-1:31 – Man starts from scratch, lands left flop on foot in one try! 3 double takes on the right later, he lands it on the 4th try
• 1:33 – The crowd rejoices, Man feels accomplished, flip-flops take away a moral victory

Not pictured was the inevitable flip-flop revenge after the camera was turned off.

(thanks to tww for inspiration)

This particular mollusk has quite a phallic appearance(pictured below), which further adds to Evergreen’s sense of humor in their motto, Omnia Extares (or, “let it all hang out”). The final piece to this undoubtedly hippie-inspired, (possibly)intentional humor is the school’s fight song.

The Geoduck Fight Song

words and music by Malcolm Stilson, 1971

Go, Geoducks go,
Through the mud and the sand,
let’s go.
Siphon high, squirt it out,
swivel all about,
let it all hang out.

Go, Geoducks go,
Stretch your necks when the tide
is low
Siphon high, squirt it out,
swivel all about,
let it all hang out.

If anyone has a copy of the fight song actually being played please let us know! I keep trying to attach it to tunes I already know and nothing seems to go well.  Until then, read up on the Geoduck, check out the picture below, and watch a video of the mollusk with the most school spirit in action!

(thanks to Rhett for the tip!)

Here’s an artist’s take on The King of Pop, as commissioned for a 1985 Ebony magazine feature projecting how Jackson would likely look in the year 2000. Swing and a miss!

Found over at Monorail.  Thanks to Dbj for the link.

Laura Hall, who hails from Bromsgrove, Worcestershire has been court ordered to refrain from entering a pub, bar, club or off-licence for two years. The Metro.co.uk writes:

The drinking banning order also states that she cannot buy alcohol or drink in any public place.

Police applied to magistrates for the order because of the number of drink-related offences that Hall had been involved in.

Wow. I can’t even imagine what kind of shenanigans Laura was getting herself into. I mean, really. I’ve seen people throw up on the bar, urinate on the bar(multiple times), throw people through windows at the bar, the list goes on. Yet, I’m pretty sure most, if not all, of those people were legally able to head on back the next day to get a bloody mary and nurse that hangover.

Laura Hall must have been into some unprecedented tomfoolery! The British also have quite the reputation for liking their booze, so this must be one of the worst punishments fathomable. What’s next? Banning alcohol from all things futbol related? Banning them from being able to have their clothes tailored?

Laura Hall needs to hang out with this guy:

Worst Shopping Run Ever – Watch more Funny Videos

Being that fame, glory, even remote notoriety, is all too often fleeting, is it not prudent and wise, if for nothing more than nostalgia’s sake, to occasionally embrace what can now be characterized as trivial? Having come across what follows, I have to think at least a handful of people agree with such sentiment…

The Greg Kite Appreciation Society

Members at time of publishing: 117

Who?: Having played college ball at BYU, Greg Kite was the 21st overall pick of the Boston Celtics in the 1983 NBA Draft.  Kite won two championships with Boston before becoming a bit of a journeyman over the course of a 12 year NBA career.  He holds career averages of 2.5 points and 3.5 rebounds per game.

Wait, why should I join?: To participate in exchanges like this one under the group’s discussion board topic “Just how overrated is Greg Kite?”:

I mean, when you ask most people to name an NBA player from the 80′s that hailed from the Rocky Mountain region of the United States and whose last name starts with the letter “K”, the first thing that comes out of their mouth is “Greg Kite.” I’ve heard it a thousand times. But is this right? Is this not a grave injustice to a player that was like the Karl Malone of players meeting the above description?

I’m referring, of course, to one Larry Krystkowiak. But don’t take my word for it, just look at these numbers…

Special K: http://www.basketball-reference.com/players/k/krystla01.html

Greg “I suck” Kite: http://www.basketball-reference.com/players/k/kitegr01.html

Now tell me that it isn’t a crime that people think of Greg Kite first. It’s a travesty.

Response from McKell Kite (which Frumpzilla is assuming is Greg Kite’s daughter):

He obviously must not have “sucked” that much because his career in the league lasted a number of years.

The Larry Krystkowiak Preservation Society

Members at time of publishing: 38

Who?: Larry Brett Krystowiak, AKA “Special K,” alias “Krysko,” is perhaps the most famous basketball player to ever come out of the heralded Montana Grizzlies program.  A 3-time Big Sky Conference MVP as a player, Krystowiak also led his alma mater to two straight Tourney appearances as a head coach back in 2004-2006.

Krystowiak was drafted 28th overall by the Bulls in 1986, and went on to play for 5 more teams over the course of a decade, averaging 9.1 points and 4.9 rebounds per game.  Special K also served as the head coach for the Milwaukee Bucks for roughly 1 1/3 seasons before being fired at the end of the 2007/2008 campaign.  His current whereabouts may or may not be unknown.

Wait, why should I join?: Because of the apparent fierce rivalry between members of The Greg Kite Appreciation Society and The Larry Krystowiak Preservation Society (see above).

Nobody Beats the Duck

Members at time of publishing: 68

Who?: Kevin Duckworth starred at Eastern Illinois University before being drafted by the San Antonio Spurs in the 2nd round of the 1986 NBA Draft.  In just his second season with the Spurs, however, Duckworth was traded to the Trailblazers, with whom he became a two-time NBA All-Star, and an integral part of a Portland team that reached two NBA Finals.  Duckworth wrapped up a 10-year NBA career with averages of 11.8 points and 5.8 rebounds per contest, posting career bests of 18.1 and 8.0 during ’88-’89 season.

Wait, why should I join?: Well, if you had to choose one of these five, The Duck at least probably achieved the most individual success as a player.  Moreover, given that Duckworth passed away at the age of 44 from a massive heart attack, this Facebook group has taken on a more significant meaning, perhaps, as a memorial.

The Kurt Rambis Preservation Society

Members at time of publishing: 129

Who?: Probably the most recognizable, most readily recalled player on this list, Darrell Kurt Rambis is also probably the second most prominent player to emerge from Santa Clara University (See Steve Nash).  After a fruitless stint with the New York Knicks, and brief, albeit much more successful, tenure in Greece, Rambis solidified his NBA legacy during the 2nd Lakers dynasty, winning no less than 4 NBA championships alongside the likes of Magic, Worthy, Abdul-Jabbar and Perkins.

Known for his relentless drive, hustle and being the consummate team player, Rambis posted averages of 5.2 points, 5.8 rebounds, 1.1 assists, 1 steal and 0.5 blocks per contest in a career that spanned 14 seasons.  After his playing days were over, Rambo held various positions in the Lakers franchise, including interim head coach, assistant general manager, and assistant coach under Phil Jackson.

On August 8th, 2009, Rambis was announced as the new head coach of the Minnesota Timberwolves, signing a 4-year deal that reportedly pays him around 2 million per year.

Wait, why should I join?: There’s a discussion thread titled “Should Rambo’s goggles be in the Smithsonian?”

The Joe Wolf Preservation Society

Members at time of publishing: 159

Who?: A Wisconsin high school basketball legend (voted the greatest ever , in fact), Joe Wolf played a full 4 years of college basketball as a North Carolina Tar Heel before being selected 13th overall in the 1987 draft by the Los Angeles Clippers.  Unfortunately, the promise Wolf showed in high school, and eventually in college, never really panned out in the pros, though he did manage to stick around for 11 years, averaging 4.2 points and 3.3 rebounds a game in the process.

After head coaching stints with the CBA’s Idaho Stampede and the NBDL’s Colorado 14ers, Wolf joined the Milwaukee Bucks coaching staff as an assistant in 2008.

Wait, why should I join?: Somehow, someway, this is by far the most active group listed here.  There are wall posts as recent as this month, events and, of course, a discussion thread titled “The man, the myth, the legend.”  Remarkable.

As usual, I’m probably a bit late to the party with this one. After all, it was only so long ago that I first learned what the hell a “Juggalo” is. Nevertheless, how could I let this one go without even a passing Frump? Obviously, I couldn’t, but then I don’t think you’ll mind watching again if this isn’t the first time.

Now, as a disclaimer, I can’t say I’m the biggest Hip-Hop connoisseur in the world, so this may be off base, but is this video/song not one of the more ridiculous things you’ve ever seen/heard? I mean, I had to dig a bit just to make sure it wasn’t a joke (it isn’t).

The only thing left to decide at this point is which frumpin’ miracle has you the most perplexed. I’m torn between the pelican that tried to eat the cell phone on the San Francisco Bay (but then flew away) and, of course, magnets. How do those f*ck*in’ things work anyway?

Regardless, in case you were trying to keep track at home, I’ve compiled a list of all of ICP’s miracles after the jump…

• Oceans
• Stars
• Mountains
• Trees
• The Seven Seas
• Everything chillin’ under water
• Snow
• Rain
• Fog
• Long necked giraffes
• Pet Cats
• Pet Dogs
• Child birth
• The sun
• The moon
• Mars, even
• The Milky Way
• F*ck*ng shooting stars
• UFOs
• Rivers
• Niagra Falls
• The Pyramids of Giza
• Everything you believed in as a kid
• F*ck*n’ rainbows
• A pelican that tried to eat ICP’s cell phone somewhere along the San Francisco Bay
• Music (?)
• Pure, mother f*ck*n’ magic
• Water
• Fire
• Air
• Dirt
• F*ck*n’ magnets
• Solar eclipses
• Vicious weather
• 15,000 juggalos together
• Metamorphosis (not the Kafka work)
• Aesthetic likenesses related to similarities in genetic makeup
• Crows
• Ghosts
• The Midnight Coast
• The Wonders of the World (unclear as to ancient or modern)
• Mysteries (as in how in the hell this song made it out of the studio)

Thanks to Dbj for the link to the vid

Unfortunately, this was news to Patrick Patterson and his family according to his mother.  Vaught’s Views ran a story with quotes from his mother:

“I found out UK released a statement saying Patrick and the four freshmen are leaving for the NBA and will declare for the draft,” said Tywanna Patterson Wednesday night. “I said, ‘Really, nobody told me.”

“I have a problem with it going out and not being official. It is his decision. He has not declared for the draft and once he does he can’t back out because he declared for the draft last year.”

Tywanna Patterson seems to think Cal did this to help himself out in recruiting and I tend to agree.  He does have to replace pretty much an entire team after all.  A method Kentucky fans will have to get used to for at least another year or two until he goes to the NBA or leaves because of NCAA allegations.

“Me personally, I think it is Cal’s way to get recruits to commit and wants to make sure they know John (Wall), DeMarcus (Cousins), Daniel (Orton) and Eric (Bledsoe) are gone along with Patrick,” Tywanna Patterson said. “Pat didn’t know they were sending that statement out tonight.”

I’m not saying Patterson will return to school, he’s most definitely gone.  The issue here is that it wasn’t Calipari’s decision to make.  Patterson obviously wants to think it over a couple more weeks.  If that’s what he wants to do, he should be granted that time.  If Cal is upset with his players taking their time and it messing with his system, maybe he should change his system.

In my opinion, although this will turn out to be a non-issue, it’s just another example of John Calipari worrying about John Calipari rather than a player or, say a school(s) he left with NCAA punishments and probation.

This is the new 30 second spot Nike is debuting tomorrow during the Masters.  It’s a simple ad where Tiger’s (deceased) father Earl speaks while Tiger stares (awkwardly) at the camera.  I can’t be the only one that wishes that instead of 30 seconds, it was a 20 minute epic of Earl berating him without mercy.  That I could take a break from the Masters for.

(although, recent reports suggest his Dad may have well just given him high fives for 20 minutes)

Needless to say, I still thought this was some sort of joke. April Fools’ come early? Had to be, but then I wanted to be certain. Next step, whip out the trusty iPhone, tap into the app store, and do a quick search for “Coach K.” Lo and behold, there she was. Simple icon, glossy blue. “Coach K” written in white. Calm, cool, somewhat collected. Somewhat like Coach K.

Was I satisfied? Absolutely not. Did I drop the $2.99 to download the app just to make sure? I did. Will I be writing this expenditure off as a necessary business expense come April 2011? Most likely. Make the jump with us for Frumpzilla’s hands on look at Coach K’s latest step towards global media domination in his post-basketball years.

To be clear, “global media domination” may or may not entail opening up a travel agency, because, in all honesty, that’s pretty much the only thing that could logically follow from the release of this app.  Seriously, it’s all quite bizarre.

You start out here, where, before Coach K allows you to visit any of his favorite destinations (New York, China and, of course, Durham), you have to create an avatar.  Not bad, really.  I mean, that’s a lovely pic of Coach K working his magic in front of some relevant landmarks.  The menu buttons actually worked, too, so that was nice.

The real highlight, though, is the music.  Man, I really wish I was a bit more tech savvy, Frumpsters, ’cause this is really something you’d need to hear to appreciate.  Doing my futile best to put it into words, it’s a polyrhythmic beat consisting of drums, congas and one of those triangle things from elementary school music class. 

Now, this would all be fairly standard if not for the  backing vocals; a sonic experience that almost defies any non-audial form of description.  Imagine Chewbacca hitting, like, a really big bubbler, or something…over and over again, in a loop.  Seriously, it’s something else.  After that track’s over you get a dish of some classic 80′s guitar rock that could very well be an outtake from the Top Gun soundtrack’s cutting room floor. Think “Danger Zone: Reprise.”

Naturally, I’m really, really confused at this point, so let’s just go ahead and make our avatar.  Starting off with a name and simple “male or female” options, you then get a screen where you can add some further details to your Coach K iPhone app persona.  In an effort to be as inclusive as possible, I guess, the developers included some rather interesting skin tone options. 

There’s what I’d describe as “white” and “dark white,” of course, but the inclusion of green, burnt orange, pink and, remarkably, Carolina Blue is something I’m still trying to wrap my mind around.  Curiously enough, there didn’t appear to be a “Black” or “African-American” equivalent option.  Quite strange given the inclusion of green, but I’m gonna give Coach K the benefit of the doubt on this one.  The next screen allows you to customize clothes, hairstyles, eye color, etc., but I kinda just breezed through it.  I mean, let’s face it:  Was I virtually salivating at the thought of checking out these “trend-setting graphics” I’d just paid three bucks for? Absolutely.

So, after a long pep talk from Coach K in which he seamlessly weaved highlights of his world travels into lessons on the importance of watching your step around dragons, pandas and Cameron Crazies (you can see the speech at the bottom of this post), here I am down on the streets of New York City. Why I’m standing next to a giant, tranny busker, I’m not sure.  Nevertheless, since the entire tutorial literally consisted of “Use the thumb pad on the left to control your runner.  Use the jump button on the right to jump over obstacles,” I figured I’d explore the space a bit.

Here I am waiting in line for one of those famous hot dogs from a heralded NYC street vendor

Moments later, chatting up the hooker I noticed standing on the corner while I was waiting for my hot dog. Wait, is that a cop car?

Well damn. Should have seen that coming, eh? Luckily, the cop let me off when I told him I'd just downloaded Coach K's iPhone app for $2.99. No need to rub salt in the wound, right?

Okay, I admit it.  I was lost.  Lost in New York, green as can be, and, worst of all, the controls were sluggish as hell. It basically felt like I was running around aimlessly in search of some random finish line to which there was no direction, no guide, no help menu.  Fortunately, I didn’t come across too many of what one would exactly call “obstacles.”  I did, however, fall into a couple of manholes.  This was exciting at first, because it triggered the following screen:

Alas, however, just as quickly as Coach K and his magic stardust had appeared to seemingly beckon me home, he was gone (and I was back with the the giant tranny busker, being solicited (for tips)).

In the end, I guess my overall impression of Coach K’s iPhone app can be summed up quite succinctly.  Won’t need three paragraphs, three sentences…even three words.  Three letters will more than suffice.  WTF?

To be completely fair, that damn Chewbacca track at the beginning, assuming it can be ripped/extracted, may be worth the $2.99 in and of itself

New screen shots can be found here. Just incredible…

As you can see from the picture on the left, most of the Democrats in Congress are pretty dang excited about this.  Needless to say, really, Congressional Republicans, every single one of them, in fact, aren’t nearly as amused.  Nevertheless, partisan politics aside, every time this whole health care reform debate seems to make any progress, aren’t we simply left with more pressing questions?  Some of which are irretrievably confusing and unsettling?

For instance, having come across this photo now, are we nothing less than obligated to ask just what the hell Perry Farrell was doing at the after party?  Or maybe that’s Ronnie Wood.  Either way, quite disturbing, isn’t it?

Rear Admiral with the tip

Robert Gary Jones of Woodstock, Ga. was listening to his iPod and jogging in Hilton Head, SC when a small plane, attempting an emergency landing, landed on top of him killing him instantly.  We at Frumpzilla feel like there may be a case against Apple or heck even Sony regarding this situation.  If Sony and their blasted Walkman hadn’t revolutionized the way we run to music, Robert Gary Jones may still be with us.

My favorite part(read: saddest favorite part) about this story is that the pilot was asked for a comment, which he declined but instead said, “I’ve got a lot of issues going on right now. I’ve got a plane that’s all torn up. And I’ve got a young man that I killed”.  This jerk just landed on top of some poor guy and he’s initially worried about replacing his rudder.(there are rudders on planes right?)

What does this have to do with 16 seeds in the NCAA tournament you may ask?  Well, you can’t tell me there are better odds of a plane landing on you while jogging on the beach than there are of a #16 seed knocking off a #1.  True, no #16 has ever beaten a #1 but thirteen #16 seeds have come within 10 points.  Five times, they’ve come within 5 points.  Twice, the #16 has fallen short by 1 point, both in 1989.  In 1990, #16 Murray State took #1 Michigan State to overtime!  Four #15 seeds have beaten #2 seeds in the history of the tournament!

#15 Hampton celebrates after win over #2 Iowa State in 2001

Moral to this story?  Keep the volume low when jogging in open areas and #1 seeds this year need to watch their back!

(editors note: too soon on the jogger story?)

credit wiki on the stats…yes wiki.