Aren’t you tired of all the negative stories associated with random acts of drunkeness? Sure, we all are.
Isn’t it about time someone highlighted the accomplishments of the slightly more responsible, contributing members of drunken society? Say, like a Jenga tower replete with meticulously balanced champagne and wine bottles? You’re gosh darn right it is.
May this monument serve as a constant reminder of the whimsical genius that occasionally flows from the idle, intoxicated mind. Even in its purest form…
Meet Steven Hoag, of Sharpsburg, North Carolina. He may or may not be afraid of many things, but tornadoes — almost certainly — aren’t one of those things.
Protected only by his built Ford tough truck, Hoag nonchalantly calls his wife from a parking lot adjacent to the Wilson, North Carolina Walgreens. Likely nothing out of the ordinary for Steven — other than that tornado racing towards him from about half a mile away.
Yep, there it goes. Busting up power lines; ripping off the roofs of houses; plowing through Walgreens; erratically dispersing debris along its path of destruction. Just the kind of stuff tornadoes do, you know? The kind of thing Steven Hoag takes a calm, cool, collected approach to.
That’s just how Eastern North Carolina rolls, folks. Laid back, come what may attitude to any and all of life’s little problems — except snow, of course.
A good 1/2 inch of snow means it’s time to head down to the bomb shelter. Sure, it’s well-stocked, but life as we otherwise know it stops for 72 hours after a nice dusting. As it should…
If you’ve been in the market for a video of someone getting hit by a locomotive — and living to complain about all the ridiculous people concerned for her well being — then today’s your lucky day.
Now, I’m still not convinced this is real. That is, I think it’s a distinct possibility the witnesses simply switched out the victim’s remains for that of a lookalike — so they could go viral without the blood of an innocent, rail-walking woman weighing on their conscience, or something.
Either way, I suppose it’s a pretty provocative piece of footage. Not to mention Frump’s first exposure to the (potential) perils of the Sri Lankan mass transportation system, if nothing else…
Here — while the core principle remains the same — we’re presented with a slightly different scenario: A child facing possible banishment by his Boston Red Sox-loving family due to an innocent, youthful love of the New York Yankees.
As you can see, this little Yankee’s elder brother was somewhat more merciful, but Dad — Dad’s lived too many pre-2004 years to show any quarter on this occasion. Even to the fruit of his loins.
Indeed, the evidence that sports fandom may eventually occupy a comfortable, identifiable spot on the double helix is mounting. Almost undeniable at this point. Isn’t it?
Frump’s seen a lot of good pranks go down at Walmart (not really), but this one clearly takes the cake (by default).
At 6+ minutes, this video may require something closer to one of those ancient, 20th century internet attention spans, but then the random, meaningless destruction is probably well worth the wait.
Here’s the long and short of it:
Apparently someone hijacked a tractor that was either in or near the Richmond Hill Walmart’s parking lot
Started her up
Tied the steering wheel down to ensure a pleasant, circular driving experience
And then bailed
Pretty dang exciting, huh?
Well, it was for the several Richmond Hill onlookers watching the tractor go round-and-round for a good five minutes while waiting for the fuzz.
Given no one appeared to be truly freaking out, I’m assuming the owners of the innocent cars destroyed in this tractor demolition derby were still inside taking advantage of Walmart’s rock-bottom prices.
If anyone has video of their reactions upon exiting the super center, please let us know…
Just when you thought Rebecca Black’s megahit couldn’t possibly get any worse, some Christian megachurch had to go and exacerbate things. Fortunately, this doesn’t appear to be Community Christian Church’s (CCC) ordinary course of business. No, apparently when CCC isn’t dropping videos, they’re producing seminars — like “Hero God”:
Everybody needs a hero, but what kind of hero is God? Join us for Hero God where we will take a look at our God whose very nature is servanthood, but who will also disappoint us, die and then in the end: win.
Incidentally, it appears CCC’s God and Charlie Sheen bear a striking resemblance. Coincidence? Almost certainly.
Either way, for those of a more Satanic persuasion, make the jump for yet another — nearly as frightening — Rebecca Black parody…
My general feelings about the quality of Hall & Oates musical output aside, I found it pretty hard to believe what’s implied by the above image.
Surely YouTube wouldn’t suggest that viewers of H2O’s first #1 hit — “Rich Girl” – then learn how to ensure their balls were still working properly and free of any cancerous cells, right?
Well, as usual, I was was wrong. Some quick research (outlined after the jump) confirmed that subsequently checking one’s nut sack was quite clearly what YouTube had in mind for those interested in “Rich Girl” live…
Apparently sisters [Reference removed by request], [Reference Removed by Request] and [Reference Removed by Request] — all admitted “Jersey Chasers” — took Tar Heel favorites Kendall Marshall, Harrison Barnes and Long John Henson to Spring Formal.
Pretty dang exciting for the girls of Chi Omega (and their “jock sniffing” dates), eh? Sure, but there were rules, you see. Rules that had to be followed — at least while the cameras were rolling…
As a disclaimer, let me preface this by saying I have no issues with “Christianity” in and of itself, nor any other faith for that matter. In general, I guess you could say I’m quite open to the concept of religion, just not totally convinced by it. Stuff like this doesn’t help.
That said, it’s hard not to dismiss this particular kind of display as nothing more than mere, probably malicious, charlatanism. Fortunately, it also happens to be mildly hilarious, so I guess that may help balance out the lamentable view of a lost flock.
“Boom-ba,” indeed, preacher! And a “bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, POW!” to you as well! Just doesn’t seem to jive with what I’ve read about that Jesus of Nazareth cat in Matthew, etc.
Regardless of what Jason Whitlock may tell you, there’s a reason why ESPN is the “Worldwide Leader,” folks. They’re bold, cavalier, and consistently push the envelope of daring, innovative journalism.
That may seem rather pedestrian at first, but a closer examination reveals just how close — I’m talking, like, even a slight typo/spacing error away — we were to a major FCC issue. Not to mention possibly a minor international incident.
That’s why ESPN is king. They take chances. And Frump thanks them.
In a week that’s seen many media outlets chastised — however unfairly — for prioritizing something like the pending NFL lockout over other, completely unrelated human interest stories, I must say it’s quite refreshing to come across an examination of something sharing at least some semblance of a contextual connection.
Namely, chickens. More specifically, their ubiquitous, extremely tasty wings.
Indeed, when one thinks of the sheer amount of chicken wings, tenders, and boneless wing bites likely consumed supplementary to a typical NFL season, it’s easy to imagine just how disastrous a lockout could be to what’s probably the marquee foodstuff of America’s most popular professional sport.
To say I was a tad suspicious of this work upon first impression would be an under statement. I mean, I just knew there was no way any publishing house would provide the financial backing for even the most modest of initial pressings of The Beginner’s Guide to Sex in the Afterlife: An Exploration of the Extraordinary Potential of Sexual Energy.
But then I also made the same mistake about Natural Harvest: A Collection of Semen Based Recipes, didn’t I? And we all know how that turned out.
In a week that’s seen many media outlets chastised — however unfairly — for prioritizing something like the pending NFL lockout over other, completely unrelated human interest stories, I must say it’s quite refreshing to come across an examination of something sharing at least some semblance of a contextual connection.
April 18, 2011
0 Comments