Frumpzilla

Safe for work porn ironically still NSFW

The staff at Frumpzilla is constantly striving to bring you the funny….along the way, we occasionally run into things that we deem too (seriously, the following link is very vulgar)  vulgar, crass or just overall inappropriate for our feel-good website.  Those things are usually cast aside to the depths of Frumpville, never to return.  However, after making that initial decision, sometimes we are re-inspired (thank you Claw) and we re-visit the idea, say screw it, and post the content anyway.

We present, SFW porn.  Frump it for the youtube – safe video and some marginally safe pictures…

Happy Friday

those space invaders have no chance!

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What else is The Potty Dance teaching our kids?

Hey, if you haven’t heard of The Potty Dance yet, wake up and join modern society, okay? This thing may or may not be sweeping the nation as you read (at least amongst those with kids that have yet to master the complex intricacies associated with socially acceptable urination and bowel movements), and we certainly don’t want you experiencing that awkward exchange in line at Starbucks when one of your friends from yoga class randomly brings up how “Lil Matt” was doing the “Poo-Poo Dance” the other night (reputations get hurt that way).

The problem is, despite how fantastic this thing is (and it really is fantastic, isn’t it?), there’s still a subtle, yet quite troubling undercurrent present in it all (which we highlight after the jump (and it actually has nothing to do with those creepy firemen))

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Frump Day Links: 3-10-2010

Just what we need, more “U” fans… (No Guts, No Glory)

A comprehensive look at U.S. Soccer’s injury woes leading up to the World Cup (Rumors and Rants)

Is Tiger really any worse than Ali? (Sports by Brooks)

ADP and LT2 in the same backfield?  It’s a possibility (NFL News & Rumors)

Shay “Ave” Maria has something(s) to show you (Holy Taco)

Michael Jordan is soliciting landscaping advice? (Busted Coverage)

Is Robert DeNiro taking on the role of Vince Lombardi a good thing (Tirico Suave)

An interesting look at the “myth” of the regular season conference championship (Yet Another N.C. State Sports Blog)

A grouchy Oscars recap (Prose & Cons)

Leighton Meester shows off her thighs (Sharapova’s Thigh)

Things God may or may not have written on his or her hand…

Hey, as a disclaimer, we here at Frumpzilla don’t claim to know a whole buttload of crap about the Gospels, or God, or whatever, and if we do have an area of expertise (debatable), it’s certainly not theology.  That said, when faced with frumping about topics we happen to be particularly ignorant about, we feel it’s wiser to turn to an authority; someone intimately associated with the subject. In this case, Sarah Palin.

As I’m sure most of you know by now, Sarah Palin likes to write little reminders on her hand(s). She even references them during speeches and stuff. Sarah’s tried to make light of this, of course, and, to be fair, I’ve really never felt it was that big of a deal…until now.

A few days ago, Palin, apparently still a little self conscious about her hand notes, attempted to further rationalize the practice by citing the Book of Isaiah, Chapter 49, verse 16 which reads (in pertinent part):

Behold, I have graven thee upon the palms of my hands

Long story short, the Bible says God wrote on “his”  hand to help “him” remember things, which Sarah Palin has confirmed for us, and therefore Palin and her manual reminders are in good company.

Needless to say, I’m satisfied.  But what else might God, in his or her* infinite wisdom, have needed a handy little note to remind him or her to do?  Just about the entire Frumpzilla staff offers some suggestions for you (in no particular order) after the jump.  We’d love to hear some from you as well…

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How to get knocked the F out

nighty night!

This is how you lose a kickboxing match.  I love the pause when his arms go completely limp by his side so his face is the only thing able to break his fall.

(found on TWW)

Spencer Pratt Bobblehead Night for Hurricanes

Actually…it’s Eric Staal bobblehead night at the RBC Center in Raleigh, NC tonight as the Carolina Hurricanes take on the Ottawa Senators. To me however, this looks a bit more like Spencer “King of all things Douche” Pratt(although I’m told looks more like Staal in person).  Staal is of course deserving of a bobblehead in his honor as he is the Canes’ captain, led them to a Stanley Cup championship, and just won a gold medal playing for his home country of Canada.  Pratt, not so much.

There are other reasons to head out to the RBC tonight if you’re in Raleigh and looking for something to do.  For one, you can check these out.  The Hurricanes just happen to have players who played for Finland(bronze), USA(silver), and Canada(gold) in the quite popular Olympic hockey tournament.  Those medals will be on display and you can even have your picture taken with them.

Secondly, the Hurricanes team taking the ice tonight will be just a bit different than the one from a couple days ago.  The Canes were quite busy before yesterday’s NHL trade deadline and in the process positioned itself for a strong future push.  Below, is breakdown of the action.

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It’s lewd, vesivius, salacious, outrageous!

niiiiice

 New Jersey soccer Mom (probably) is offended by nude snowman, calls the police, forces creator to “dress it”

 You can just picture some easily offended PC-minded bed-wetter driving by this house, with her 2 1/2 snot-nosed rug rats packed in their ‘04 Dodge Caravan, who had just enough of a hissy to actually call the police about a snowman.   

This person is the same person who complains after seeing a bare ass on network TV at 10:30 at night…or a tit pop during the Super Bowl…the person who generally believes the world should conform to the fact that she has kids.  She has no time, nor the instincts of personal responsibility, to explain to her ankle-biters the things in the world.  Rather, she chooses to shield them from anything remotely provactive and deprive the rest of us of spontaneous comedy.

Very annoying.  Its just snow T & A.

Man survives three-week erection, may regret living to tell about it…

It’s true. A 55 year-old man saved himself, and his penis (to a degree), finally seeking emergency medical treatment after managing to go three straight weeks on the up and up.   In light of the many practical inconveniences posed by Priapism, how he was able to pull off this stiff task remains unclear.

Adding insult to injury, this was an unavoidable, all-natural arousal, too. Our hapless victim hadn’t even taken any “enhancement” drugs. Rather, his condition was triggered by some rare “nervous disorder.” Seriously.

To make matters worse, and in a stroke of truly bitter sweet irony, despite emergency surgery saving him and his member, this little episode has rendered the poor bastard impotent. So now, though apparently having the mojo to keep it up for a fortnight or more, he’ll have to pop a little blue pill or two if he wants some action. What a world, what a world…

Source: Metro.  Dbj with the link

Frump Day Links: F**k You, March, Edition

Ah, yes.  Frump day.  A time to give a little something back.  Spread the love, Frumpsters.  Spread it think and thin…

F*ck you, March! (Prose & Cons)

Lane Kiffin just knows the Vols were heading for glory. (No Guts, No Glory)

Kiffin also likes to keep it in the family. (Buster Sports)

Hasheem Thabeet.  He’s…he’s not very good. (Bootlegger Sports)

A nice Bucket List for fans of N.C. State football. (Dave from Carter-Finley)

Elmo teaches you how to sneeze (Sharapova’s Thigh)

It’s Bubble Batty time leading up to March Madness (The Big Lead)

Frumpzilla’s answer to the Israel-Palestine conflict: Let Sivan Krispin handle the negotiations (Holy Taco)

Statefansnation’s exclusive interview with the one and only Lee_Folwer (Statefansnation)

Oh, and again…f*ck you, March! (Prose & Cons)

Since when do clubs/bars still want to charge a cover at 1:35 am?

you get nothing! you lose! good day sir!

So while the details of this weekend are still a bit fuzzy to me, I do distinctly remember trying to visit a local establishment, typically reserved for ‘gentlemen,’ late Saturday night.  A buddy (who shall go unnamed) and I decided it would be a great idea to visit said club for a nightcap, only to be rebuffed with the audacity of a cover charge at 1:35 am!!  No way in hell am I paying a $15 cover right before you close.  I don’t care if Lindsey Lohan is in the champagne room giving freebies.  I communicated this to the door chick who would would not waver from her insistence of a full charge, unwilling to even negotiate.   She was like Obama at the health care summit last week.

Think about this.  You are closing in 2o minutes.  You have customers that want to come inside to buy your ridiculously overpriced liquor.  Your parking lot is half empty…its obviously a slow night.  Why on Earth would you turn customers away that late into the night?  That makes zero sense.

You get nothing.  You lose.  Good day sir (madame).

PS – When pressed on the issue, the chick at the door taking the money kept saying, “well we’ve been open since 7.”  What does that have to do with anything?  Am I missing something?

Happy Monday WTF?

Sexy!

Call it mailing it in on a Monday morning, lack to brain cells due to the Jager shots this weekend, or complete apathy towards ‘epic beard man,’ here is a WTF picture to help you through your Monday.

Epic Beard Man’s Punch Out!

Man, this brings back some memories…some old, some new. Either way, fairly frumptastic stuff. Especially the subtle incorporation of Amber Lamps in various forms. Love it…

(Dbj with the tip)

Marisa Miller, et al., are getting topless for you in GQ UK

Tastefully, of course. Came across these over at Velveteen Audio Lab, and, boy, what a fantastic frumping find.

Miller headlines the spread in the March edition of the magazine, but there’s a lot more than just Marisa’s assets on display. Models Michelle Alves, Michelle Buswell, Maja Latinovic,Tiiu Kuik and Liliana Dominguez would all like you to purchase this issue as well, and they do a damn good job of selling it (after the jump)…

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Frump Day Links: Epic Stache Man edition…

It’s Wednesday, it’s just before lunch (here on the East Coast) and it’s time to spread the Frumpzilla love…

Dick Douche, Attorney at Law, tries to give some professional  advise [sic] (Brahsome)

Uncomfortable Moments in Sideline Reporting History (Sharapova’s Thigh)

The inner monlogue of Amber Lamps: Heroine of the AC Transit Bus Beatdown Saga (Holy Taco)

Vince Carter is good at 85 foot, one-handed shots while sitting down (Howard the Dunk)

Texas isn’t actually going to join the PAC-10, are they? (SportsByBrooks)

RIP, Epic Beard Man.  Long live Epic Stache Man? (photo)

Getting divorced = Tat show for Cheryl Cole (Sharapova’s Thigh (again))

Sticking with the tat theme, check out some Tebow tats (Busted Coverage)

UNC’s Roy Williams may or may not be starting to slip (Buster Sports)

Some people still get really excited about women’s basketball (Buster Sports (again))

Jay Leno Sucks, No One Likes Him

You should've called it quits Jay.

The old saying goes, “lead with your best foot forward”.  This is equally true when you’re starting out a “new” late night show.  Conan O’Brien did this in June of 2009 when he started ‘The Tonight Show’ on NBC.  A sample of the guests Conan booked for his first 2 weeks looks like this(in order of appearance):

Will Ferrell, Pearl Jam, Tom Hanks, Green Day, Gwyneth Paltrow, John Mayer, Patton Oswalt, Eddie Murphy, Bonnie Raitt & Taj Mahal, Rancid, Norm MacDonald, Jim Gaffigan, Neko Case, Jamie Foxx, and Kevin Nealon

That’s 15 fairly large names and a considerable group of talent, hard to argue otherwise.  Now, let’s take a look at a sample of Leno’s scheduled first two weeks(in order of appearance):

Jamie Foxx, Lindsey Vonn, Brad Paisley, Sarah Palin, Shaun White, Cast of Jersey Shore, Apolo Ohno, Avril Lavigne, Matthew McConaughey, Morgan Freeman, Simon Cowell, Animal Expert Dave Salmoni, Joan Jett, Guy Fieri, and Dana Carvey

Let me take this moment to say (more…)