Frumpzilla

Brett Favre to endorse Wrangler, really tiny, jeans

We’ve all seen the Brett Favre Wrangler jeans commercial. It has a certain je ne sais quoi about it, you know? Anyway, I guess this is just a natural progression for perhaps the greatest Packer ever. Nowhere to go but up from here…

Thanks to T-Rex for the tip…

Lord Jesus Christ is hit by a car while leading the NFL in jersey sales

MIRACULOUS.

A man, Lord Jesus Christ, aka Lord Jesus Christ, suffered minor injuries while walking down a Northampton street on Tuesday….cheating death as 200o pounds of of hurtling steel and flammable liquids hurtled towards Christ as he crossed on a crosswalk.

At the same time, Lord Jesus Christ, aka Timothy Tebow, leads the NFL in jersey sales only a few short weeks into his NFL career.  Tebow’s brand bested such tried All-Pro, NFL warriors like Donovan McNabb, Drew Brees, Peyton Manning and Brett Farve as a third-string situational, developmental QB.

In we trust.  Hallelujah!!

It’s official: Matthew Stafford has the strongest arm in the NFL

Now if he could just stay off his backside long enough to put it to good use, who knows; maybe the Lions could get above .500 for the first time in a decade.

Seriously, though. Go ahead. Tell your friends. Given the immeasurable appeal and influence the Madden franchise has on the masses, Sundays at the bar shall no longer be graced by the classic “biggest arm” debate. No more inebriated oral dissertations on the physics of velocity versus distance. No more girlfriends wondering just who the hell Jay Cutler is — The one with the weak chin? Yeah, that’s him — it’s all over, and the folks at EA Sports are the ones to blame.

Indeed, the evil empire of sports video gaming recently released a sneak peek of some of its Madden 2011 Quarterbacks, and, with a “Throwing Power” rating of 97, Stafford shall now and forever be known as having the biggest and baddest of all the “laser, rocket arms” launching pigskins during the 2010 season.

In other news, Peyton Manning and Drew Brees are really, really good NFL QB’s — almost perfect, in fact, with 99 overall ratings — and the league’s suspected bias against the non-traditional, “athletic” QB is further confirmed by Vince Young’s 79.

Expect numerous “who’s better, who’s best?” arguments to come to screeching halts this Fall when these figures start getting thrown around; rosy cheeks will be abound. Get more ammunition here…

Frump Day Links: 4/28/2010

Frumpzilla spreading the Hump Day love, one link at a time…

The Lions’ Zach Follet doing a little preseason shopping…for his opponents. (Busted Coverage)

Just when you thought Shannon Elizabeth had become as irrelevant as Tim Toone. (Holy Taco)

A growing issue in the world of sports: Premature celebration. It’s more common than you think. No, really. It is. (No Guts, No Glory)

Brewers’ catcher Greg Zaun doing his best Carl Lewis impression. (Sharapova’s Thigh)

Former Redskin, Mississippi State Bulldog, Fred Smoot is bringing the GingerHead Man’s favorite fine dining establishment, Waffle House, to Washington D.C. (Sparty And Friends)

Would you swap Lady Gaga tickets for a chance to see your favorite NBA team in the playoffs? (Sports By Brooks)

Pre-Preseason Hoops Power Rankings. (Statefansnation)

Leave it to MLS to supply you with the worst blown chance in soccer history? Sure (we’re actually big MLS fans, but ya got to play to the masses, right?). (Tasty Booze)

Two for one special! Dez Bryant’s mom isn’t a hooker (anymore), and JaMarcus Russell’s girth is about to cost him a seat on the Raiders’ team bus. And roster. (The Big Lead)

Even more on why everyone’s favorite AD, Lee Fowler, should get the axe. (Yet Another N.C. State Sports Blog)

Why go to the gym to check out chicks when you can do it from the comfort of your own home? (Total Pro Sports)

Anti-Rape Condom Could Give Even The Likes of Big Ben Pause

In today’s story reminding us that some semblance of nightmares can often crossover into reality, South African inventor Sonnet Ehlers has brought the world “Rapex“; a ferocious, fiercely fanged, female condom-like device designed to devour unwanted penises intruding into the vaginal cavity.

See those teeth over there?  Yeah, they’re manufactured specifically to rip manhood to shreds, at least to the extent that a perpetrator will be requiring serious medical attention.  The medical attention is kind of the main point of it all, too, as a trip to the ER with that oh so common “Yeah, I accidentally slipped my junk into the salad shooter again” excuse is likely to raise some eyebrows.  There’s also, of course, the chance to escape Rapex may provide victims when their assailant first realizes his offender has become dinner.  So, that’s a positive…

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Mr. Irrelevant 2010: Tim Toone

In an industry so dominated by superstars — or at least the players that make a habit of breaking the rules more often than they should — shouldn’t we, just once in awhile, profile the little guy? The guy that, you know, isn’t all that relevant?

Well, we’ve been saying for awhile that, given the Detroit Lions held the last pick in the year’s NFL Draft, 2010′s “Mr. Irrelevant” might better be known as “Mr. Relevant.”  Now, we’re not so sure.

Really didn’t expect the Lions to go WR here, but then I guess it likely won’t matter in the end.  They don’t call it “Mr. Irrelevant” for no reason, after all.  Nevertheless, in the interest of letting our readers decide for themselves, we tracked down this highlight reel of Weber State WR, Tim Toone on some site called YouTube. 

Toone hauled in 83 balls for 1,109 yards and 10 TD’s for the Weber State Wildcats last year. He also compiled 378 yards from 19 punt returns, two of which were for TD’s (that’s a good average, I’d say). Who knows.  Maybe the names running through Matt Stafford’s mind as he’s going through his reads will soon be “Johnson, Burleson, Scheffler…Toone.”

9 Intriguing, Post 1st Round Questions

Well, the 2010 NFL Draft’s 1st Round is behind us, and, as usual, it was an exciting one. Of course, with this being one of the deepest drafts in recent memory, many questions — some fun, some serious, all good — remain.

Make the jump with us for some queries we hope you might have the answers to…

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Torry Holt takes his Talent(and disfigured finger) to New England

NFL News & Rumors is reporting the New England Patriots will(or have) signed veteran wide receiver Torry Holt. Reports are the contract will be for 1 year at up to $1.7m.  Holt was released earlier this year by the Jacksonville Jaguars after 1 year with the team.  Good to see a guy like Torry postpone his inevitable future as a commentator for one more year in the league with a franchise like the Patriots.

We know the Pats will get a guy with great work ethic and someone who won’t let a finger pointing the wrong way get in the way of playing.

LT blames passing game, not gimpy leg, poor attitude or old man’s disease for drop off in production

In a recent interview with NFL.com, LaDainian Tomlinson continued his recent walk down the bitter trail by indicating that his lack of production over the past few seasons was due to the Chargers focus on the passing game….not his torn groin, numerous nagging injuries, lack of production, general attitude or age …as the real culprit.

“The things that happened in San Diego, everything was taken away from me,” Tomlinson said. “There wasn’t an emphasis on running the football anymore, my best fullback was gone, the linemen were pass blocking, and it was a passing quarterback and a passing coach. So, the situation’s kind of misleading when you look on film.”

Frump it for some super stats

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Andre Brown on the mend

According to this interview, Andre is on his way back and should be participating in training camp this summer, fighting for a spot in the Giants backfield.

Now, after more than a half year of rehab, Brown says he’s encountering no pain and is running at full speed. But while the physical healing is pretty much complete, he knows he still must mentally mend.

“It’s just confidence, getting it back in my head,” Brown said. “It’s just going to take me making a move without me thinking about it so I can be out there making cuts and what not.”

By all accounts Andre is a great guy and was one of my favorite Wolfpackers of the past decade.  Safe to say Frump will be following Andre’s career.

Frump it for a highlight tape including Andre’s great run against FSU as a freshman and his absolute beasting of App State’s Corey Lynch (future NFL safety for the Bengals)

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Who the hell cheats on Kim Kardashian? Reggie Bush. That’s who.

Thanks to some sites called Perez Hilton and Radar (that’s right, I’m not above them), I just learned Reggie Bush may or may not have been running around on my beloved Kim Kardashian with some chick named “January.” Believe it or not,  and all apologies in advance to anyone associated with the name “January,” she apparently is not a stripper.  She is, however, a waitress.  So…

Anyways, this is all quite disheartening considering the time and effort we put into our Kim and Reggie heavy Super Bowl prop betting piece awhile back.  That and, of course, how sad it is to see a woman like Kim be mistreated so.  Shame on you, Reggie.

Taking a step back, though, I have no desire to serve as judge, jury and executioner…so I figured I’d let you decide:  Everything else held equal (huge assumption, I know), who do you go with here?

Julius Peppers steals $91.5 million from the Bears

good riddance

No question Pep is a physical freak.  Too bad he has the heart of Bonzi Wells.

Don’t let a 10 sack/year average fool you.  The Panthers have been extremely average (9-7) over his career and Pep has been able to collect more garbage stats as a result that anyone in recent memory.  6 of his 10.5 sacks last year came against Tampa Bay, Washington and Buffalo.  Don’t forget the brilliant ’07 campaign, in which he barely sacked opposing QB’s more than me (2.5).  Any dude who is 6-7, 290 and runs like a RB should DOMINATE (see Mario Williams).  Not jog around aimlessly for half the plays he is on the field.

What I remember is the non-existence in the run game.  The lack of leadership in the locker room.  The general ‘not giving a shit’ attitude that seemed to permeate from him on the sidelines.

Now this team unquestionably belongs to Jon Beason (thank God).  If the Cats play with half of his determination, they will be fine moving forward.  Without Delhomme giving the ball up every other drive with a confused look on his face and without Pep jogging to the ball every play, maybe now I can finally pull whole-heartedly for the home town team.  Finally.

-chese

Happy Birthday, Herschel Walker: Here’s why you belong in the Hall of Fame

Yes, it’s true.  Herschel Walker was born this the 3rd day of March back in 1962.  Nearly half a century later, let’s see, he’s represented the United States in the Winter Olympics; danced professional ballet; developed a successful food services enterprise; and, amongst other things,  just recently won his first MMA match.  He also dabbled in something called “Football” a bit along the way, and that’s actually what we’re focusing on today.  More specifically, why Mr. Walker’s bust should grace the hallowed halls in Canton at some point.

Yes, yes, I know.  It immediately sounds like a preposterous, if not borderline insane, suggestion, but that’s why I’m here to offer this hopefully compelling argument on Herschel’s behalf.

It might actually be more of a comparative evaluation, really.  See, I figured if I could demonstrate that Herschel was as good, better or even just comparable to an already enshrined peer that nearly no one would question is justifiably in the Hall, then one must logically accept that Walker is at least worthy of such consideration.  That said, let’s take a look at Walker’s professional career next to Tony Dorsett’s.  The results may surprise you…

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5 melodramatic press conferences that give Tiger a run for his money

Don’t let some of these pundits fool you, Frumpsters. Sure, sports naturally lends itself to drama, and the adoring public’s spotlight, for better or worse, typically doesn’t get switched off when the lights of the arenas, fields and stadiums that players and coaches occupy in their respective professional lives do, but sometimes people just need to get a grip.

Seriously, we’ve got respected, established journalists out there (who shall remain nameless) shedding tears and using words like “profound” and “deep” in reference to this act Tiger just put on a bit ago. And before I get labeled a hater or something, let me just say that, before now, I was never particularly fazed by all this Tiger scandal stuff. It was entertaining more than anything, but never completely ruined Tiger’s aura, or whatever, for me. Now, however, after it became overwhelmingly clear that the most sincere thing at Tiger’s presser was his own level of self absorption (or possibly the look on his mother’s face), he just might be doomed.

But at least he’s not the first to pull a stunt like this, right? I mean, his performance may have been the most Oscar worthy, sure, but there is precedence, and we highlight a bit of what may have served as inspiration for Tiger here (and after the jump). We’ve also got the full clip of Tiger’s press conference for those of you that may have missed out, so please do enjoy (regardless of how unfair it all is).

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Jerry Jones Loves Men’s Figure Skating

Can’t you tell?  Seriously, though.  After all the crazy ass shit that allegedly went on according to Boys Will Be Boys, the Super Bowls and, of course, the new stadium and jumbotron worth more than the GDP of several 3rd World countries, who’d of thunk Jerry Jones would be this enthralled by something as emasculating as the Men’s Figure Skating Final?