Frumpzilla

How to blow a Vuvuzela

The World Cup may be over, but, God bless it, whether perceived as aural ecstasy or a hellacious case of tinnitus, there’s no denying the ubiquitous call of the now internationally infamous vuvuzela lives on in the minds and eardrums of millions.

Thankfully, though one would think the vuvuzela — essentially a roided up kazoo — could be skillfully demonstrated sans operating manual, the world now has access to step-by-step instructions for bringing its inescapable awe and/or agitation to friends, family and utter strangers alike, regardless of the setting. Enjoy…

If you’re having trouble reading that (you probably are), click here for a full size version. Thanks to Dbj for the tip.

Cristiano Ronaldo Comes Out of the….I Mean, Becomes A Dad

Cristiano Ronaldo’s World Cup with Portugal ended last week thanks to David Villa and Spain, however he is now embarking on a new chapter in his life. The Real Madrid star announced Saturday that he is going to be a proud papa! Just not the way you would’ve assumed.

Allegedly, his son was born via a surrogate in NYC. Via Ronaldo’s facebook, “As agreed with the baby’s mother, who prefers to have her identity kept confidential,” he writes, “my son will be under my exclusive guardianship.”

The baby’s mother wants to remain confidential??!?! Cristiano Ronaldo is arguably one of the biggest sports stars in the entire world and his baby’s mama doesn’t want anyone to know? Ok, I’ve already come to grips with the fact that he is the one that doesn’t want anyone to know, but why??

Let me preface this next point by saying, I understand people dress a bit differently in Western Europe. They never got the memo that bathing suits could be longer than 6 inches or that males don’t need to shave their entire body in order to be a man. I also admit, I don’t know much about the family values of the Portuguese. It may be that having children by the time you’re 25 is so important that tons of guys are trying to buy theirs without actually being in a relationship. With that being said, c’mon.

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So Long, Simão Sabrosa…

Well, at least to your World Cup days (most likely). Yes, one of the most recognizable and prolific Portuguese players of his generation, Simão will be pushing 35 years of age by the time we reach Rio in 2014.  Now, that doesn’t mean a 3rd World Cup appearance — a 4th if not for an injury in 2002 — for the former Sporting, Barcelona, Benfica and current Atlético Madrid star is impossible, but it’s gonna be a rather steep uphill battle, especially given he plays primarily as a winger.

So, given Portugal’s elimination at the hands of their Iberian neighbors, Spain, yesterday, I figured now would be a perfect time to bid Simão’s days gracing soccer’s biggest stage, “adeus” — and in as grandiose a manner possible. I’m talking, of course, about Univision Fútbol play-by-play man extraordinaire Pablo Ramirez, and his apparent oral infatuation with Simão.

Seriously, whether we’re talking about having a foot in golazos; exquisite runs both on and off the ball; drawing fouls; or even just casually switching play across the pitch, if Simão is involved, you can bet your bottom peso that Ramirez is aroused, or something.  I mean, I guess it really does roll quite nicely off the tongue, right? Perhaps a bit too easily for Ramirez, but pretty dang exciting nonetheless.

Check out this fantastic compilation from the 2006 World Cup, and be on the look out for anything from 2010. There’s been several gems, I just can’t seem to find any clips…

Many thanks to The Hurricane for the video.

How cool is that new Nike World Cup ad?

Wowzers…just friggin fantastic. Nike is definitely good at soccer commercials.

Dean Windass: Now Taking Broadcasting by the Balls

Dean Windass. Journeyman striker. Prolific goal scorer. Seemingly timeless, controversial English footballer. And now, indeed, on the cutting edge of broadcasting.

Yes, it’s true. Dean Windass played for 11 different clubs during a career that spanned nearly two decades (1990-2009). Did Dean Windass make nearly 700 professional appearances? Yes. Did Dean Windass score 230 professional goals? Yes. Did Dean Windass once grab and squeeze the testicles of an opponent during a match? Yes. Yes, Dean Windass did.

Is Dean Windass now grabbing the proverbial balls of Sky Sports and the footballing world as a Soccer Saturday match reporter? You’re god d*mn right Dean Windass is…

Thanks to T-Rex for the video…

U.S. Soccer Officially Announces 30-Man Preliminary Roster For World Cup 2010

Sorry, kids, “The Bob” left out Freddy Adu.  No Santino Quaranta either — despite that lovely piece ESPN did on him last week during the D.C. United-Kansas City match — and, of course, sad as it is, Charlie Davies couldn’t quite get fit in time to make the trip to South Africa.

There’s still one final cut to go.  This list of 30 has to be trimmed to 23 on June 1st, and, though there’s probably only a handful of truly “open” spots, I’m sure nearly every player on here will have a chance to make an impression during USA’s World Cup warm-ups against the Czech Repulic (May 25th, 8 p.m. ET, ESPN) and Turkey (May 29th, 2 p.m. ET, ESPN 2).

We plan on taking a slightly more in depth look at the U.S. squad once the final roster is determined, but for now you can find the 30 players set for training camp after the jump…

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Frump Day Links: 4/28/2010

Frumpzilla spreading the Hump Day love, one link at a time…

The Lions’ Zach Follet doing a little preseason shopping…for his opponents. (Busted Coverage)

Just when you thought Shannon Elizabeth had become as irrelevant as Tim Toone. (Holy Taco)

A growing issue in the world of sports: Premature celebration. It’s more common than you think. No, really. It is. (No Guts, No Glory)

Brewers’ catcher Greg Zaun doing his best Carl Lewis impression. (Sharapova’s Thigh)

Former Redskin, Mississippi State Bulldog, Fred Smoot is bringing the GingerHead Man’s favorite fine dining establishment, Waffle House, to Washington D.C. (Sparty And Friends)

Would you swap Lady Gaga tickets for a chance to see your favorite NBA team in the playoffs? (Sports By Brooks)

Pre-Preseason Hoops Power Rankings. (Statefansnation)

Leave it to MLS to supply you with the worst blown chance in soccer history? Sure (we’re actually big MLS fans, but ya got to play to the masses, right?). (Tasty Booze)

Two for one special! Dez Bryant’s mom isn’t a hooker (anymore), and JaMarcus Russell’s girth is about to cost him a seat on the Raiders’ team bus. And roster. (The Big Lead)

Even more on why everyone’s favorite AD, Lee Fowler, should get the axe. (Yet Another N.C. State Sports Blog)

Why go to the gym to check out chicks when you can do it from the comfort of your own home? (Total Pro Sports)

Why soccer will NEVER be a major American sport

seriously. he just did that.

I have no idea where this is from or who is playing, I just ran across it on the ‘ole trusty Wolfweb.

Call me old-fashioned, but I like to play/view my sports without the possibility of my dick being bitten off.  Thats just me.

Another reason it will never catch on is that literally half the game is about cheating…flopping ALL THE TIME (sometimes crying), taking liberal positions with free kicks and throw-ins, etc…

(not that Americans care about cheating, we just like our cheating done on the D.L.)

Get a clue, Soccer.

Enjoying the “Playoffs”?

You better be.  I know I am, and there’s really no excuse for any sports fan not to be.  Between the NBA Finals, College World Series, Euro 2008, and today’s U.S. Open showdown between a couple guys named Tiger and Rocco, what more could one really ask for this time of year?  So yeah, today would have probably been a nice day to call in sick.  We’ve got Rocco and Tiger at noon ET, Miami and Florida State, the 1st and 3rd favorites respectively to win the CWS, in an elimination game at 2:00, and Germany and Austria for a spot in the Euro Quarter Finals at 2:45.  Time your lunch appropriately.  If you had the foresight to Tivo this stuff, good luck avoiding the scores/updates today at work.  If you had no such vision, well, be mindful of the visionaries around you.  At least we should all get to enjoy seeing two potential CWS cinderellas square off in Georgia vs Stanford tonight at 7:00.  College Football should be taking notes…

Champions League Final Video Highlights

Manchester United ran out winners yesterday after a penalty shootout in the Champions League Final.  Neither team could find a go ahead goal in the 2nd half, and the two English sides ended regulation locked in a 1-1 draw.  30 minutes of extra time proved the same; No Golden Goal found the back of the net despite some great chances, and the stage was set for a classic, nail biter of a shootout.

The match, which for the most part was quite tactical, showed flashes of brilliance, and Frumpzilla has taken the liberty of cataloging some of the highlights for you.  Below you’ll find Cristiano Ronaldo opening up the scoring with a great goal in the 26th minute, his 42nd of the campaign.  Make the jump for several other key plays, as well as the penalty shootout in its entirety.  Enjoy.

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A Fantastic Football Fortnight Looms…

No, not our Football, nearly everyone else’s.  And it’s not technically a fortnight I suppose, closer to a month really, but I’m a sucker for alliteration.  Make the jump to see what’s on tap in the coming weeks, one of the most saturated periods for quality soccer in recent memory.

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MLS set to kick off today

League, Fox Soccer Channel strategically schedule nationally televised “MLS First Kick” doubleheader in direct competition with tonight’s Elite Eight games.  Many thanks, assholes…

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