Frumpzilla

Out of sympathy for Gus Malzahn, that is.

Listen, we’ve all known that guy that’s with that girl. That girl that, you know, despite whatever good qualities she may have, just kind of makes you feel a little sorry for said guy when it’s time to go home. The guy that’s just kind of hanging on. Lost. Waiting, hoping for some guidance or impetus. Some way out of what at least seems to be an inescapable situation. Well, that guy may very well be Auburn Offensive Coordinator Gus Malzahn.

As you can see from the video above, Kristi Malzahn is, well, quite a handful, and her little Christ-side chat with Dr. Ronnie Floyd at The Summit (a Southern Baptist megachurch conference for evangelical-leaning Christians) shed quite a bit of light on several issues (in chronological order):

1. How bad it sucks to raise kids
2. How bad the Auburn fanbase sucks
3. How bad Lou Holtz’s slurred speech sucks
4. Why Gus Malzahn spends so many late nights at the office
5. How bad it sucked that Auburn only scored 22 points in its win over Oregon for the 2010 BCS Championship, and why Gus Malzahn sucks because of it
6. Kristi Malzahn’s secret, forbidden love for Cam Newton
7. How Cam Newton was recruited for less than two weeks
8. How bad Auburn running back Michael Dyer sucks
9. Potential recruiting violations
10.  More potential recruiting violations
11.  The level of intelligence of Auburn’s football team, and the populace of the State of Alabama in general
12. The intensity of the Alabama-Auburn rivalry, and how much it sucks
13. Even more potential recruiting violations committed by Auburn’s football program
14.  How awesome LSU is
15.  How awful we all should feel for Gus Malzahn

Now, we know that the sheer absurdity of The Round Mound of Rebound’s golf swing isn’t exactly a new phenomenon, but it’s still a phenomenon nonetheless — which is why we feel it’s wise to occasionally remind aspiring golfers out there that things could always be worse.

Here’s Barkley on the first tee at a recent celebrity outing. Notwithstanding the incomprehensibility of the motion involved here, Sir Charles also manages to lose his club head, apparently nearly out-driving his own ball in the process. Amazing.

Luckily, Bo Jackson — AKA: “the 2nd greatest athlete in Auburn history” — was apparently on hand to lend Barkley a replacement driver, and we can only imagine the theatrics that went down throughout the remaining 17 holes.

Good stuff, Chuck. Who says one can never really own their swing?

Now that the first of a new decade of newly formated NCAA tournament fields has been set, Frump figured it’s as good a time as any to examine the best of the previous decade.

Some of you may recall Frumpzilla’s Top 25 College Football Programs of the Decade – it was a pretty big hit for us.

This undertaking, while in a similar vein, isn’t necessarily intended as a definitive ranking of select college basketball programs from ‘00/’01 – ‘09/’10. We basically just thought it would be interesting to see how college basketball programs would stack up when plotting out each’s NCAA Tournament performance over the course of a decade.

More than anything, we wanted this to be fun. If nothing else, you might learn a thing or two about NCAA Tournament history from 2000 through 2010 – at least quantitatively — so make the jump to see how the NCAA Tournament of the 2000′s plays out…

[...]

Isaiah Crowell proudly displays his nameless English Bulldog puppy. Teammate -- and Auburn commit -- Gabe Wright is not amused.

While a select few may have known where one of the nation’s top RB recruits would sign for awhile now, Isaiah Crowell did the rest of us a favor by making it official today — signing a letter of intent to play for Mark Richt’s Georgia Bulldogs.

Isaiah — ESPN’s #1 RB (#4 Overall), Scout’s #1 RB (#5 Overall), and Rivals’ #5 RB (#29 Overall) — announced, along with several teammates, at Carver-Columbus High School in Columbus, Georgia.

Lucky for us, Crowell and DT Gabe Wright’s decisions were deemed worthy of a live look-in during ESPN U’s excellent National Signing Day special, because the newest Dawg  decided to pull one of the more memorable stunts in recruiting announcement history…

[...]

• The title nearly says it all: “Roy Williams would like Carolina fans to keep their calls to themselves during his radio show” [No Guts, No Glory]
• I still have a shit load of Starting Lineups — yes, in the packaging — tucked away in storage somewhere. Just biding my time til the market comes back, ya know. I do not, however, own a stuffed monkey. So I’ve got that going for me. Which is nice. [Sharapova's Thigh]
• LeBron James wants to hammer home the fact that the size of one’s ego is potentially limitless — especially when you have so many viable alter egos to work with [Last Angry Fan]
• Time to strike through the “See a one-legged stripper in action” line on your bucket list. Well, sort of. [Busted Coverage]
• If you haven’t yet heard enough excuses for the Patriots loss to the Jets, how about the possibility that Brady was playing on a fractured ankle [NESN]
• Meanwhile, Jets fans are making green bagels. [Sportress of Blogitude]
• Brush up on your NCAA rules and regulations by taking this nifty little quiz [Dave from Carter-Finley]
• Speaking of NCAA rules and regs, Auburn and 2 Live Crew’s Luther Campbell have been throwin’ down lately. What could possibly go wrong? [Sports By Brooks]
• If you’ve been thinking about inventing a cool sport like Alaskan Distance Surfing, well, you’re shit out of luck [The Score]

I couldn’t help but ponder that question when the final whistle blew at the Tostitos Fiesta Bowl last night, watching Cam Newton search the crowd for — and eventually finding — the father Auburn’s Athletic Director, and the ESPN broadcast, said wasn’t in attendance.

Sure, we as college football fans can choose to ignore a lot of things, but it’s hard to overlook the fact that the Auburn Tigers’ 22-19 victory over the Oregon Ducks marks the 5th straight BCS Championship for a team from the Southeastern Conference; a conference that now possesses 7 of the 13 Crystal Eggs awarded since the Bowl Championship Series’ inception back in 1998.

Here’s the breakdown:

• 1998: Tennessee (Beat Florida State 23-16)
• 2003: LSU (Beat Oklahoma 21-14)
• 2006: Florida (Beat Ohio State 41-14)
• 2007: LSU (Beat Ohio State 38-24)
• 2008: Florida (Beat Oklahoma 24-14)
• 2009: Alabama (Beat Texas 37-21)
• 2010: Auburn (Beat Oregon 22-19)

Now, considering there are five other conferences that are supposed to have a realistic shot at winning this thing — and the next best showing by any of them is the Big 12′s two Crystal Eggs — isn’t the SEC’s dominance of this party teetering on the precipice of  preposterousness?

I wish I could say the absurdity of it all ended there, by merely looking at the actual champions, but it doesn’t. In fact, some of the SEC’s “misses” — within the context of its hits and  intra-conference dynamics — actually add fuel to the fire…

[...]

***2/2/2011 UPDATE: Isaiah Crowell signed with the Georgia Bulldogs today, and busted out an English Bulldog puppy in the process! See video of Isaiah Crowell’s (and his puppy’s) announcement here…***

With National Signing Day now just a month away, Carver High School’s Isaiah Crowell may be the best undecided high school player left in the 2011 class.

The 5’11″, 210 pound running back from Columbus, Georgia claims offers from virtually every big program in the country, and has recently narrowed his list down to three schools: Georgia, Alabama, and Auburn.

Unlike some of the nation’s other top football prospects participating in Wednesday’s Under Armour All-American Game, Crowell reportedly doesn’t plan to announce where he’ll be taking his 4.43 speed next fall, leaving fans the (dis)pleasure of employing, however poorly, the skills of his namesake until the first Wednesday in February.

Nevertheless, as you can see from the above tweet, Isaiah may have just given those monitoring his recruitment a little hint at where he’ll be playing his college football, or at least which program leads for his coveted signature at the moment.

Chip Towers, who covers recruiting for the Atlanta Journal Constitution, followed up the above tweet with another lovely little tidbit, claiming Crowell went on to compare himself to South Carolina’s Marcus Lattimore in terms of being a “difference-maker” that can quickly change a program’s fortunes.

Now, a lot can change in 30 days, especially when it comes to the sentiment of 17 and 18 year-olds, but for now it appears Crowell might be a Dawg — or at least enjoys teasing them.  After suffering its first losing season since 1996, Georgia — not to mention coach Mark Richt — could certainly use all the help they can get.

If you’ve never seen Isaiah Crowell in action, make the jump to see why he’s ESPN’s #1 RB (#5 Overall), Scout’s #2 RB (#6 Overall), and Rivals’ #5 RB (#29 Overall).

[...]

The solution to Auburn's struggles apparently keeps vanishing before coach Tony Barbee's very eyes

Listen, I know we’re talking about a program  that — despite counting the likes of Charles Barkley, Chuck Person, and Wesley Person amongst its alumni — has hardly a modicum of basketball tradition, but this is getting ridiculous.

New coach Tony Barbee isn’t yet finding the same success he had at UTEP, where he went 82-52  over four seasons, including a Tourney appearance last year.

No, following Saturday night’s 62-59 loss to Presbyterian, Barbee and Auburn are now 3-7 on the year, and despite 8 of those 10 games being played at home.

Oh, and it’s not like the odds have been firmly stacked against the SEC West squad either. Just look at who’s doing the damage…

[...]

As much as we’ve tried in the past (and we have), Frump’s never been able to maintain a consistent link dump. Not exactly sure why, but we are pretty dang lazy, so that probably has something to do with it.

Also, believe it or not, Frumpzilla.com only pays a relatively small portion of the bills around our lavish headquarters, so the “real” jobs that we take on in pursuit of  global media domination kind of get in the way at times, too, I guess.

Well, all that may or may not be about to change (except the “real” jobs thing hopefully), because, frankly, not doing this has probably exponentially hurt Frump’s growth and exposure. Oh, and because we just like to spread the little love we have to give whenever we can. That too…

• B-Diddy’s got a little side project now that I think would make a fantastic coffee table book. Users can submit their own pics, too. Might have to do that myself. Brews from the Phone
• In honor of Brahsome’s first post in probably close to three months, here’s a nice video of Epic Stretcher Guy. Brahsome
• For Frump’s N.C. State contingent, R&R looked into WhatIfSports.com’s prediction for the State-West Virginia Champs Sports Bowl — and also found a brilliant UNC typo. Riddick & Reynolds
• Speaking of embarrassing UNC-related news, Tar Heel athletic scandals apparently aren’t limited to the football team. This one’s REALLY scandalous, too. Like, NSFW scandalous (depending on much you want to explore, so to speak). Busted Coverage
• Sticking with the scandals theme, was that Jets assistant’s knee-jerk reaction really more of a systematic, staff-wide scheme? The Scores Report
• Oregon has decided what they’re going to wear whilst trying to take down Cam Newton and the Auburn Tigers — and they apparently want Cam to know exactly where they are at all times. Sharapova’s Thigh
• Meanwhile, in Tampa, Joe Paterno doesn’t need you to be wearing fluorescent green to see you — you’re probably gonna have to speak through a bullhorn for him to hear you, however. SportsByBrooks
• I’m not a huge hockey fan, but even I knew the answer to this esoteric trivia question. The Last Angry Fan
• Here’s a nice run down of all the love, or lack thereof, Brett Favre has been getting on Twitter lately. Awful Announcing
• Hate Christmas? Join the club over at Fourth Down and Long.

Given he was up against the SEC’s best pass rush, I’m not sure why Gus Malzahn’s offensive gameplan was so obviously geared toward letting Cam Newton toss the ball all over the field tonight. Then again, how could one argue with the results?

Up until tonight’s dismantling of SEC East representative South Carolina, I had severe reservations about Cam Newton’s ability to perform as a pure passer, particularly at the next level.

Call me crazy, but I think it’s time I put those worries to rest, and rather safely at that.

See, I typically drive a hard bargain, but, right or wrong, 17/28 for 335 yards and 4 TD’s — plus two additional TD’s on the ground — in the SEC Championship is enough to make me a believer.  Call it the straw that broke this camel’s back, if nothing else, I suppose.

Auburn didn’t seem to need its phenomenal running game tonight — the mere threat of it was enough to open up countless opportunities for the War Eagle passing attack, and the five guys charged with protecting their reformed superstar’s backside chipped in with a fantastic performance.

Most importantly, however, Newton — who’s now all but certain to become Auburn University’s 3rd Heisman Trophy winner (see Pat Sullivan and Bo Jackson) — almost invariably made the most of it. Spurrier’s Gamecocks never even had a fighting chance.

So yeah: Newton proved he’s worth his weight in gold tonight — at least the $180,000 Mississippi State was asked to pay for his services.

The fact that Auburn apparently got Cam for free — well, let’s just say Starkville must be feeling pretty dang jilted right about now. Gainesville, too…

Whether it’s due to being an alumnus of a bitter rival (The University of Georgia), or because he’s allegedly just another pawn in the game of the Worldwide Leader’s apparently evil, agenda driven sports coverage, it’s clear that fans on The Plains aren’t terribly taken by Mark Schlabach.

Maybe it’s because Mark had the audacity to write something so obviously biased against poor ole Cam Newton. I don’t know, but the chants of “You suck!,” “Tell the truth!,” and “You’re terrible!” have never better exemplified the class and nobility of Auburn Tiger/War Eagle/Flying War Tiger fans.

I mean, YouTube user stagman1′s description of this video really nails it, yeah?:

“Journalist,” Mark Schlabach receives less than warm welcome from Auburn fans shortly after feeding misinformation to the media in a well-timed smear campaign against Auburn’s Heisman front-runner, Cam Newton.

Oh, by the way, in case you didn’t notice, the #sarcasm tag is tautly attached to this post…

Given I wasn’t raised in or particularly near a hotbed of professional franchises, I may be a bit biased, but – for me – there’s nothing quite like a great college sports rivalry.

There’s really too many established ones out there to try and list or flippantly single out some over others, and maybe that fact tends to water down their broad media appeal in comparison to, say, the Yankees-Red Sox types within the “American Sports Rivalries Universe.”

Nevertheless, there’s no denying that the bitterness and passion of even the most heralded of professional sports rivalries is often matched, if not eclipsed, by their collegiate cousins. In fact, some may even transcend to a level previously thought to be only mythical in nature: Genetics…

#1 Alabama and #17 Auburn – both currently undefeated – square off in this year’s “Iron Bowl” on November 26th, the last game of the season for each. If both happen to remain unbeaten – HIGHLY unlikely – we’d be treated to what could probably be the most epic edition in the series’ history.

Alabama still has games against #10 Arkansas, #9 Florida, #12 South Carolina – in succession – and #15 LSU. Auburn still has #12 South Carolina, #10 Araksnas, #15 LSU and, yet another traditional rival, struggling Georgia prior to facing off against the Crimson Tide. Gotta love SEC football…

Thanks to DBJ for the link

that isn’t old enough to obtain a driver’s license in his home state.  Seriously, Frumpsters. File this kid’s freak’s name away somewhere, and remember that you may or may not have first heard about him via your friends at Frumpzilla.

Foster is a Freshman at Troup County High School in LaGrange, Georgia.  That’s right, a Freshman, and yet this is still probably one of the more impressive recruiting highlight reels you’re ever gonna see from a Linebacker.  He’s not playing small time ball either.  Class-AAA in Georgia is nothing to scoff at, and produces some big time talent on a regular basis.

Already weighing in at 6’2″, 205, it’s scary to think how Foster might develop over the next three years, and, barring something catastrophic, he’s all but sure to be one of the most prized recruits in the 2013 class.  That said, consider this post Reuben’s official induction as the 3rd member of Frumpzilla’s High School Talent Freak Show Hall of Fame.  He fits in nicely next to Nick Marshall (throwing the ball 70 yards in the air, in game, as a Sophomore) and Deuce Bello (in game, between the legs dunk).

You can track Reuben’s progress and the fight for his commitment at his Scout.com profile. He’s currently listing Alabama, Georgia, Auburn and Georgia Tech as his favorites, but there’s obviously a long way to go…