Frumpzilla

Out of sympathy for Gus Malzahn, that is.

Listen, we’ve all known that guy that’s with that girl. That girl that, you know, despite whatever good qualities she may have, just kind of makes you feel a little sorry for said guy when it’s time to go home. The guy that’s just kind of hanging on. Lost. Waiting, hoping for some guidance or impetus. Some way out of what at least seems to be an inescapable situation. Well, that guy may very well be Auburn Offensive Coordinator Gus Malzahn.

As you can see from the video above, Kristi Malzahn is, well, quite a handful, and her little Christ-side chat with Dr. Ronnie Floyd at The Summit (a Southern Baptist megachurch conference for evangelical-leaning Christians) shed quite a bit of light on several issues (in chronological order):

1. How bad it sucks to raise kids
2. How bad the Auburn fanbase sucks
3. How bad Lou Holtz’s slurred speech sucks
4. Why Gus Malzahn spends so many late nights at the office
5. How bad it sucked that Auburn only scored 22 points in its win over Oregon for the 2010 BCS Championship, and why Gus Malzahn sucks because of it
6. Kristi Malzahn’s secret, forbidden love for Cam Newton
7. How Cam Newton was recruited for less than two weeks
8. How bad Auburn running back Michael Dyer sucks
9. Potential recruiting violations
10.  More potential recruiting violations
11.  The level of intelligence of Auburn’s football team, and the populace of the State of Alabama in general
12. The intensity of the Alabama-Auburn rivalry, and how much it sucks
13. Even more potential recruiting violations committed by Auburn’s football program
14.  How awesome LSU is
15.  How awful we all should feel for Gus Malzahn

Assuming you can do it legally, what better way to spice up the 1st Round of the 2011 NFL Draft tonight than with some prop bets, right? I mean, if it works for Super Bowl parties, why not the NFL Draft?

Best of all, unlike your average prop, most of these have been analyzed and discussed (albeit indirectly) by countless “Draft Experts” for months now — so you’ve actually got a wealth of supposedly reliable, predictive information to work with.

Let’s take a look at what’s arguably tonight’s marquee prop, for instance:

Cam Newton’s Draft Position: Over/Under 1.5 (+250/-400)

Or, in other words: Will Cam Newton go #1 Overall, or not?

Now, if you’re at all interested in this year’s NFL Draft, you’ve probably read no less than 10 articles in the past 72 hours on what the Carolina Panthers are gonna do with the #1 pick.  The overwhelming consensus: They’re going to draft Cam Newton (but aren’t necessarily over the moon about it).

Carolina is certainly in an unenviable position. Newton, despite how high his ceiling may be, is still almost certainly somewhat of  a project, at best.  Gus Malzahn’s “One Read and Go” offense  at Auburn — however misconstrued it may be — probably didn’t prepare Cam for the complexities of an NFL passing attack as much as it could, amongst other red flags .

It also appears the Panthers, in desperate need of QB help regardless, may not be able to find a viable trading partner for the #1 pick, and Newton — at -400 — is the clear favorite to be selected first overall (Marcell Dareus is the next favorite at a distant +300).

All that said, roll the dice on Newton Under 1.5, and — particularly if you’re a Panthers fan — make sure your fingers are firmly crossed….

[...]

I couldn’t help but ponder that question when the final whistle blew at the Tostitos Fiesta Bowl last night, watching Cam Newton search the crowd for — and eventually finding — the father Auburn’s Athletic Director, and the ESPN broadcast, said wasn’t in attendance.

Sure, we as college football fans can choose to ignore a lot of things, but it’s hard to overlook the fact that the Auburn Tigers’ 22-19 victory over the Oregon Ducks marks the 5th straight BCS Championship for a team from the Southeastern Conference; a conference that now possesses 7 of the 13 Crystal Eggs awarded since the Bowl Championship Series’ inception back in 1998.

Here’s the breakdown:

• 1998: Tennessee (Beat Florida State 23-16)
• 2003: LSU (Beat Oklahoma 21-14)
• 2006: Florida (Beat Ohio State 41-14)
• 2007: LSU (Beat Ohio State 38-24)
• 2008: Florida (Beat Oklahoma 24-14)
• 2009: Alabama (Beat Texas 37-21)
• 2010: Auburn (Beat Oregon 22-19)

Now, considering there are five other conferences that are supposed to have a realistic shot at winning this thing — and the next best showing by any of them is the Big 12′s two Crystal Eggs — isn’t the SEC’s dominance of this party teetering on the precipice of  preposterousness?

I wish I could say the absurdity of it all ended there, by merely looking at the actual champions, but it doesn’t. In fact, some of the SEC’s “misses” — within the context of its hits and  intra-conference dynamics — actually add fuel to the fire…

[...]

The solution to Auburn's struggles apparently keeps vanishing before coach Tony Barbee's very eyes

Listen, I know we’re talking about a program  that — despite counting the likes of Charles Barkley, Chuck Person, and Wesley Person amongst its alumni — has hardly a modicum of basketball tradition, but this is getting ridiculous.

New coach Tony Barbee isn’t yet finding the same success he had at UTEP, where he went 82-52  over four seasons, including a Tourney appearance last year.

No, following Saturday night’s 62-59 loss to Presbyterian, Barbee and Auburn are now 3-7 on the year, and despite 8 of those 10 games being played at home.

Oh, and it’s not like the odds have been firmly stacked against the SEC West squad either. Just look at who’s doing the damage…

[...]

Washaun Ealey - Now available for rescues

In today’s story reminding us that college athletes often do more with their spare time than deal drugs, steal laptops, commit academic fraud, and entertain the salacious advances of agents, two University of Georgia players came to the aid of a marooned campus bus driver on Wednesday.

Running back Washaun Ealey and linebacker Mike Gilliard, both Sophomores, were on their way home from the dining hall when a bus driving ahead of them slid in the icy conditions, ran off the road, and hit a large tree.

Ealey stopped his car, and both players ran to the scene of the accident. After prying the bus’s door open, they checked to see if the driver was alright.

No passengers were aboard the bus, and the driver, while visibly shaken, was apparently fine despite a deployed air bag and tree branch having punctured the windshield. Both Ealey and Gilliard stayed with the driver until paramedics arrived.

Georgia LB, Mike Gilliard - "Just wanted to help her out, that's all"

Sophomore safety Baccari Rambo spoke with Dawgpost.com’s Fletcher Page about how his teammates’ chivalry has affected their egos:

Mike and Washaun think they’re superheros now, like they lifted the bus up or something or got a cat out of a tree. That was a good thing they did for the lady. That showed they care and they love everybody. That showed how they were raised up, because anybody could have kept going, but their parents raised them to help others out and not be selfish.

Gilliard himself, however, seems much more humble: “It wasn’t a big deal…just wanted to help her out, that’s all.”

Georgia coach Mark Richt added one of his typical, poetic strokes of wisdom to the story as well:

Those two guys did a very good deed. They stopped and helped out, and I’m proud of them. They assisted someone who was in distress, which is a good thing.

A damn good, refreshing thing indeed.

Sources: The Atlanta Journal Constitution and Dawgpost.com

Given he was up against the SEC’s best pass rush, I’m not sure why Gus Malzahn’s offensive gameplan was so obviously geared toward letting Cam Newton toss the ball all over the field tonight. Then again, how could one argue with the results?

Up until tonight’s dismantling of SEC East representative South Carolina, I had severe reservations about Cam Newton’s ability to perform as a pure passer, particularly at the next level.

Call me crazy, but I think it’s time I put those worries to rest, and rather safely at that.

See, I typically drive a hard bargain, but, right or wrong, 17/28 for 335 yards and 4 TD’s — plus two additional TD’s on the ground — in the SEC Championship is enough to make me a believer.  Call it the straw that broke this camel’s back, if nothing else, I suppose.

Auburn didn’t seem to need its phenomenal running game tonight — the mere threat of it was enough to open up countless opportunities for the War Eagle passing attack, and the five guys charged with protecting their reformed superstar’s backside chipped in with a fantastic performance.

Most importantly, however, Newton — who’s now all but certain to become Auburn University’s 3rd Heisman Trophy winner (see Pat Sullivan and Bo Jackson) — almost invariably made the most of it. Spurrier’s Gamecocks never even had a fighting chance.

So yeah: Newton proved he’s worth his weight in gold tonight — at least the $180,000 Mississippi State was asked to pay for his services.

The fact that Auburn apparently got Cam for free — well, let’s just say Starkville must be feeling pretty dang jilted right about now. Gainesville, too…

Whether it’s due to being an alumnus of a bitter rival (The University of Georgia), or because he’s allegedly just another pawn in the game of the Worldwide Leader’s apparently evil, agenda driven sports coverage, it’s clear that fans on The Plains aren’t terribly taken by Mark Schlabach.

Maybe it’s because Mark had the audacity to write something so obviously biased against poor ole Cam Newton. I don’t know, but the chants of “You suck!,” “Tell the truth!,” and “You’re terrible!” have never better exemplified the class and nobility of Auburn Tiger/War Eagle/Flying War Tiger fans.

I mean, YouTube user stagman1′s description of this video really nails it, yeah?:

“Journalist,” Mark Schlabach receives less than warm welcome from Auburn fans shortly after feeding misinformation to the media in a well-timed smear campaign against Auburn’s Heisman front-runner, Cam Newton.

Oh, by the way, in case you didn’t notice, the #sarcasm tag is tautly attached to this post…