1.  Why on earth is Curling separated into mutually exclusive Men’s and Women’s events?

I’ve been trying to figure this one out for quite some time, Frumpsters, and if someone has a legitimate answer (or even an illegitimate one), please let us know.  Let’s face it: there are a lot of “sports” in which men have a natural physical advantage over the better half of our species, and this often necessitates gender segregation in the realm of highly competitive athletic contests.  I won’t bother fleshing that notion out any further, because it goes without saying, and I do not apologize.

However, try as I might (and believe me, I’ve tried), I can’t for the life of me figure out how a man, or a woman for that matter, has or lacks any distinct advantage over the other when it comes to sliding a block of granite down a sheet of ice, and then subsequently directing teammates to scrub said ice with a broom in hopes of controlling the speed and spin of the stone.  Am I right?

I mean, I’m assuming, of course, that the primary (potentially exclusive) reason for gender segregation in sports is related to equal opportunity to compete/participate.  If that’s the case, why separate the Curling sexes?  Regardless, at least we get more Curling coverage under the current setup, which I’m sure makes Denmark’s Madeline Dupont very happy (however ironic that may be).

2.  Who engineered this concept of the  Short Track Relay?

Unfortunately, you really would have needed to see this event to know what I’m on about here.  And since NBC has Winter Olympic video locked down as if it were gold ingots in Fort Knox, if you didn’t, you may be a bit lost.

Nevertheless, for those that did have the chance to catch the Short Track Relay, I’m sure you, like me, were convinced that it’s one of the bigger logistical cock-ups since Washington D.C.  What a nightmare.

I wouldn’t be so perplexed by this one if it weren’t for teams getting disqualified for the slightest bumps and nudges on opponents.  Especially given we’re talking about an event that seems it was designed with a little contact in mind.  I mean, you’ve got, what, up to 16 skaters merging in and out of the rink at one time?  And the “relay” element of the event involves being pushed/boosted by your teammate as you’re about to start a lap?

I almost expect this event to become Roller-Derby on Ice within the next 50 years or so.  You heard it here first.

3.  Why aren’t we (the United States) more competitive in the Biathlon?

This one is truly bizarre.  Do Americans like to ski?  Check.  Are we pretty dang good at nearly every other event that incorporates some sort of skiing?  Check.  Is our society and culture relatively wrapped up and saturated with the allure and controversy of semi-automatic weapons?  Check plus…and yet the U.S. has never sniffed sweet Biathlon Gold, or even medaled at all.

Seriously, someone needs to get the NRA on this, or something.  The Biathlon has been an official Olympic event since 1960 (was on a trial basis since the 20′s) and we’ve never even medaled?  That’s Men’s, Women’s, singles, relays, etc. etc. etc., too.

This is particularly disturbing since it seems so right up our alley.  I mean, cross-country skiing combined with intermittent sessions of rifle range practice?  Where’s Chuck Heston when you need him?

4.  Just what the hell is going on in the Two Man Luge?

Listen, I’m actually not going for the cheap, obvious joke here.  It’s too easy.  I’m genuinely wondering what in god’s name someone had to be thinking when they came up with the idea for the Two Man Luge.

Most athletic competitions involve some sort of practical aspect to them; some relatively ascertainable element of measurement that actually means something to competitors and spectators alike.  Something to take pride in.

You know, the first down-hill skiers probably said: “Hey, I bet I can finish this course faster than you.”  That meant something.  The first figure skaters: “Hey, I bet I’m more graceful and less mistake prone than you on the ice, and can dress more ridiculously than you to boot.”  That meant something.  Even the first lugers: “Hey, I bet I can navigate this track on my sled faster than you.”  That meant something, too.  But who the heck said, essentially, “Hey, I bet I can luge this track faster than you…while Sven is riding on top of me, reverse cowboy style.  Lars can ride on you.”  Mind boggling.

Honestly, is the Two Man Luge really any less ridiculous than some hair-brained idea like the Piggy-Back Slalom, or something?  I’m sure I’m missing the point here, so please feel free to set me straight.

5.  Who at NBC signed off on their coverage of the Closing Ceremonies being appropriate?

Obviously not satisfied with selling Conan O’Brien short, NBC also decided to half-ass its support and coverage of the 2010 Game’s grand finale…in order to show the premier of Jerry Seinfeld’s new reality show, The Marriage Counselor (no wonder Seinfeld was so lukewarm about the shakeup).

I’m just glad I wasn’t the only one thrown for a loop by this.  Nearly 1,000 hours of Winter Olympic coverage, and that was the best NBC could do?  Tune back in at 30 minutes to midnight?  On a Sunday?  To be fair, did I really feel shafted by missing out on performances from Avril Lavigne and Nickelback?  No.  A nice little melodramatic montage of tears, celebratory evocations and the like would have been nice, though.

Then again, it’s NBC.  It’s Seinfeld.  I guess I shouldn’t be all that surprised.

]]> http://www.frumpzilla.com/frumpzilla_site/articles/5-curiou-questions-about-the-winter-olympics/feed/ 7 http://www.frumpzilla.com/frumpzilla_site/articles/raising-curling-awareness/ http://www.frumpzilla.com/frumpzilla_site/articles/raising-curling-awareness/#comments Sun, 21 Feb 2010 19:46:19 +0000 Cochese http://www.frumpzilla.com/?p=1567 The most loyal of Frumpsters will have surely noticed by now that the Frumpzilla staff is quite taken by curling.  We’ve covered how it compares to tailgating activities; how it accounts for two of five reasons why you should be watching the Winter Olympics; and, most recently, the Danish curling team complaining about crowd noise.

I mean, curling is just so hot right now, and things keeping popping up all the time.  In fact, some pics of Denmark’s Madeleine Dupont (after the jump) may have just ensured that things won’t be settling down for quite some time…

Odd someone so audacious could be so easily rattled by a little crowd noise, eh?   Mrs. Dupont posed for the pictures for a calender meant to ‘raise’ awareness on her sport of choice.

Oh yeah.  I’m aware.

Anyways, if you’re interested in the version with the cute little Frumpzilla pasty (which may or may not be on sale sometime soon) removed, go here.  Enjoy.

Oh, you may also be interested in Marisa Miller (tastefully topless)…

Madeleine Dupont (center)

I am pretty sure you should be automatically dismissed from the Olympics if you complain about crowd noise as the determining factor in your failure. Lame sauce.  Sack up.

Denmark’s Madeleine Dupont said she was unable to control the weight of a key shot near the end of Friday’s game against Canada because of the noise.

Ive always had the same bone to pick with tennis players and golfers.  The hardest thing to do in sports is to hit major league pitching, and those guys do it in front of 30k+ screaming, hostile fans.

An official with the venue told Reuters that beer sales there were expected to be second only to ice hockey.

Yup.  If they sold mint schnapps they would probably make enough to cover their national health care.  Dudes crush the schnapps while curling.  Ask somebody.

I’ve heard a lot of talk and I’ve seen a lot of chatter(ahem, twitter) about the winter Olympics being too boring.  I’ve heard they’re not as fun as the summer, so therefore not worthy of being watched.  I have actually found the opposite to be true.  I’ve found myself watching these winter Olympics just as much, if not more than the summer games.  True, the summer Olympics being in China and that crazy time zone really hurt my viewership(I really hate watching tape delayed sports).  Also true, with the winter games being in Vancouver and the western time zone I can watch more with events being spread out over NBC, USA, and CNBC.  But that’s not all of it.

I find these games to be quite fun to watch.  Every time I turn it on, I find an appealing story to go along with the athletes competing.  I feel the athletes more or less represent the amateur spirit of what an olympic competitor should be.  Sure hockey has it’s fair share of NHL athletes just as basketball had in the NBA, difference is the NBA sucks and the NHL does not, so there.  I wasn’t looking forward to these games, but now that they’re here, I’m hooked.

However, if you’re not hooked, keep reading as I give you 5 reasons you should be.

1.)The Ladies

Sure, ladies on a beach or by the pool are great, but there’s something about women all bundled up ready for winter.  Here is just a small sample of the rosy cheeks Vancouver has to offer.

Julia Mancuso & Lindsey Vonn - U.S. Alpine Skiers

Maelle Ricker- Canada Snowboardcross

Gretchen Bleiler- U.S. Snowboarder

Tanith Belbin- U.S. Ice Dancing

Chemmy Alcott- British Alpine Skier

Noelle Pikus-Pace - U.S. Skeleton

2.)Curling

Man, what can I say about curling?  Besides being one of the higher trending topics of this years games, it has once again won over my heart.  It seems every 4 years around this time I find myself searching for a curling club near me.  It seems like the perfect drinking sport for the winter.  Combining aspects of shuffleboard and bocce ball, I feel what is most appealing to me is that I truly feel I could do it.  Of course, I’m not saying I could be “Olympic caliber” but I think if I practiced a bit I could maybe make a team somewhere.  It also seems like a sport where anyone could play together.  Man, woman…old, young….I bet it doesn’t matter!

3.)The Yardsales

As far as skiing is concerned it has definitely felt like the VONNcouver games as Lindsey Vonn competes for Olympic gold. Today she finally got her gold, however many of the other women skiers were not so lucky.  The conditions on the mountain were much warmer earlier than they are now, which means one horribly awesome thing, ice.  The mountain these folks are skiing on seems like one huge, bumpy, sheet of ice.  Their misery is of course our delight as I witnessed 5 fantasticly unnerving wipeouts.  During the Olympics, it’s almost impossible to get your hands on any related media thanks to NBC(and that bastard Jeff Zucker!!) but here’s what I have to share:

Sweden's Anja Paerson

Sweden's Anja Paerson

Switzerland's Dominique Gisin

Switzerland's Dominique Gisin

Italy's Daniela Merighetti

Romania’s Edith Miklos’ Crash from Frumpzilla on Vimeo.

4.)The Ladies of Curling

You didn’t think I’d leave out the women that inhabit the curling sheet this time of year did ya?  They deserve their own reason to watch.  I probably notice them more because as I’ve mentioned, I’ve been watching a lot of curling.  Nicole Joraanstad stands out as the U.S. “hottie” of the curling world.  Hotties and curling….who would’ve thought?

Nicole Joraanstad - U.S.

Melanie Robillard- Germany

Eve Muirhead- Great Britain

Madeleine Dupont- Denmark

Anna Sidorova- Russia

5.)The Stories

A Spammer gets taken down a notch

Bilodeau kisses his gold as Begg-Smith looks on

If you watched the first days of the winter games, you definitely saw this story.  Dale Begg-Smith is a Vancouver born mogul skier.  He’s also a mogul of a different type.  He is the owner of a $40 million dollar company known for creating those annoying pop-up ads we all hate so much.  Not only that, but he spurned Canada to go and compete and work in Australia.  He was also representing Australia in the Olympic games where he was the favorite to win the gold.

In a story only the Olympics could create, his bid for gold was stopped just short by, of all countries, Canada.  Canada won it’s first ever gold medal on it’s home soil when Alexandre Bilodeau defeated Begg-Smith in the mogul’s freestyle event. Bilodeau has a great story as his career has been inspired by his older brother who suffers from cerebral palsy and cannot do the things most of us take for granted.  Stories like these are the true reason you should watch.

Of course, I’m sure more reasons will pop up, so do yourself a favor and watch now instead of missing out later.

get it slut!

Any Olympic sport that you can do in a bar or on a cruise ship (in miniature and altered versions), while heavily intoxicated, trumps all others.  It speaks to the common man, the tailgater.  Curling is like the cornhole of the Olympics.  (OMG can you imagine cornhole in the Summer Olympics!!  GIGGITY!!!)

'Chese doin what he do

I am so seriously pissed sitting here right now watching the Canadians pound Norway in stupid hockey.  The description on my guide clearly says hockey AND curling.

HEY.  NBC.  THIS IS AMERICA.  WE GET ENOUGH STUPID HOCKEY ALREADY.  NOBODY CARES.  ITS 8-0.  PREEMPT THIS DODO.

*UPDATE* now NBC is showing women’s hockey….China v Finland.  Liberal-commie bastards (NBC not the Chinese or Norwegians).  WILL THE MADNESS EVER END, JEFF ZUCKER?