Tag Archives: facetiousness switch in the On position

It’s official: Matthew Stafford has the strongest arm in the NFL

May 3, 2010


Matthew Stafford has the strongest arm in the NFL Now if he could just stay off his backside long enough to put it to good use, who knows; maybe the Lions could get above .500 for the first time in a decade.

Seriously, though. Go ahead. Tell your friends. Given the immeasurable appeal and influence the Madden franchise has on the masses, Sundays at the bar shall no longer be graced by the classic “biggest arm” debate. No more inebriated oral dissertations on the physics of velocity versus distance. No more girlfriends wondering just who the hell Jay Cutler is — The one with the weak chin? Yeah, that’s him — it’s all over, and the folks at EA Sports are the ones to blame.

Indeed, the evil empire of sports video gaming recently released a sneak peek of some of its Madden 2011 Quarterbacks, and, with a “Throwing Power” rating of 97, Stafford shall now and forever be known as having the biggest and baddest of all the “laser, rocket arms” launching pigskins during the 2010 season.

In other news, Peyton Manning and Drew Brees are really, really good NFL QB’s — almost perfect, in fact, with 99 overall ratings — and the league’s suspected bias against the non-traditional, “athletic” QB is further confirmed by Vince Young’s 79.

Expect numerous “who’s better, who’s best?” arguments to come to screeching halts this Fall when these figures start getting thrown around; rosy cheeks will be abound. Get more ammunition here

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It’s Secretary’s Day! (again, and again)

April 21, 2010


Sex secretary is really fired up for Secretary's DayCan you believe it, Frumpsters?  What’s almost certainly Frumpzilla’s favorite secular holiday is here again, and, as we’ve done in the past, we’re here to give you some tips to help ensure your “administrative professionals” feel as special as reasonably possible.

Sure, it may be the same advice we gave you last year, and the year before that, but that’s only because it’s damn good.  Seriously, literally dozens of readers may or may not have paid heed to what follows and in turn made their respective Secretary’s Day experiences truly extraordinary.

So, without further ado, here’s Frumpzilla’s suggestions for how to make Secretary’s Day 2010 the best yet!

Frump’s Note: Now, before anyone else gives us any grief; For our sake, for your sake, for your “administrative professionals'” sake, please make sure you’ve got your Facetiousness Detector in the “On” position prior to reading.  Think “script from a Secretary’s Day 1952 public service announcement/film,” or something.  Thanks.

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