Tag Archives: Gus Malzahn

Gus Malzahn’s wife almost made me an Auburn fan…

November 26, 2011

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Out of sympathy for Gus Malzahn, that is.

Listen, we’ve all known that guy that’s with that girl. That girl that, you know, despite whatever good qualities she may have, just kind of makes you feel a little sorry for said guy when it’s time to go home. The guy that’s just kind of hanging on. Lost. Waiting, hoping for some guidance or impetus. Some way out of what at least seems to be an inescapable situation. Well, that guy may very well be Auburn Offensive Coordinator Gus Malzahn.

As you can see from the video above, Kristi Malzahn is, well, quite a handful, and her little Christ-side chat with Dr. Ronnie Floyd at The Summit (a Southern Baptist megachurch conference for evangelical-leaning Christians) shed quite a bit of light on several issues (in chronological order):

  1. How bad it sucks to raise kids
  2. How bad the Auburn fanbase sucks
  3. How bad Lou Holtz’s slurred speech sucks
  4. Why Gus Malzahn spends so many late nights at the office
  5. How bad it sucked that Auburn only scored 22 points in its win over Oregon for the 2010 BCS Championship, and why Gus Malzahn sucks because of it
  6. Kristi Malzahn’s secret, forbidden love for Cam Newton
  7. How Cam Newton was recruited for less than two weeks
  8. How bad Auburn running back Michael Dyer sucks
  9. Potential recruiting violations
  10.  More potential recruiting violations
  11.  The level of intelligence of Auburn’s football team, and the populace of the State of Alabama in general
  12. The intensity of the Alabama-Auburn rivalry, and how much it sucks
  13. Even more potential recruiting violations committed by Auburn’s football program
  14.  How awesome LSU is
  15.  How awful we all should feel for Gus Malzahn
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Cam Newton’s SEC Championship Game Highlights: Worth Every Penny

December 4, 2010

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Cam Newton

Given he was up against the SEC’s best pass rush, I’m not sure why Gus Malzahn’s offensive gameplan was so obviously geared toward letting Cam Newton toss the ball all over the field tonight. Then again, how could one argue with the results?

Up until tonight’s dismantling of SEC East representative South Carolina, I had severe reservations about Cam Newton’s ability to perform as a pure passer, particularly at the next level.

Call me crazy, but I think it’s time I put those worries to rest, and rather safely at that.

See, I typically drive a hard bargain, but, right or wrong, 17/28 for 335 yards and 4 TD’s — plus two additional TD’s on the ground — in the SEC Championship is enough to make me a believer.  Call it the straw that broke this camel’s back, if nothing else, I suppose.

Auburn didn’t seem to need its phenomenal running game tonight — the mere threat of it was enough to open up countless opportunities for the War Eagle passing attack, and the five guys charged with protecting their reformed superstar’s backside chipped in with a fantastic performance.

Most importantly, however, Newton — who’s now all but certain to become Auburn University’s 3rd Heisman Trophy winner (see Pat Sullivan and Bo Jackson) — almost invariably made the most of it. Spurrier’s Gamecocks never even had a fighting chance.

So yeah: Newton proved he’s worth his weight in gold tonight — at least the $180,000 Mississippi State was asked to pay for his services.

The fact that Auburn apparently got Cam for free — well, let’s just say Starkville must be feeling pretty dang jilted right about now. Gainesville, too…

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