Tag Archives: Gus Malzahn’s wife

Gus Malzahn’s wife almost made me an Auburn fan…

November 26, 2011


Out of sympathy for Gus Malzahn, that is.

Listen, we’ve all known that guy that’s with that girl. That girl that, you know, despite whatever good qualities she may have, just kind of makes you feel a little sorry for said guy when it’s time to go home. The guy that’s just kind of hanging on. Lost. Waiting, hoping for some guidance or impetus. Some way out of what at least seems to be an inescapable situation. Well, that guy may very well be Auburn Offensive Coordinator Gus Malzahn.

As you can see from the video above, Kristi Malzahn is, well, quite a handful, and her little Christ-side chat with Dr. Ronnie Floyd at The Summit (a Southern Baptist megachurch conference for evangelical-leaning Christians) shed quite a bit of light on several issues (in chronological order):

  1. How bad it sucks to raise kids
  2. How bad the Auburn fanbase sucks
  3. How bad Lou Holtz’s slurred speech sucks
  4. Why Gus Malzahn spends so many late nights at the office
  5. How bad it sucked that Auburn only scored 22 points in its win over Oregon for the 2010 BCS Championship, and why Gus Malzahn sucks because of it
  6. Kristi Malzahn’s secret, forbidden love for Cam Newton
  7. How Cam Newton was recruited for less than two weeks
  8. How bad Auburn running back Michael Dyer sucks
  9. Potential recruiting violations
  10.  More potential recruiting violations
  11.  The level of intelligence of Auburn’s football team, and the populace of the State of Alabama in general
  12. The intensity of the Alabama-Auburn rivalry, and how much it sucks
  13. Even more potential recruiting violations committed by Auburn’s football program
  14.  How awesome LSU is
  15.  How awful we all should feel for Gus Malzahn
Continue reading...
Page 1 of 11