For the past ten years, one man has has reigned over NC State athletics. This man, at times, has been both myth and legend. One thing he has not been is effective. This man is @Lee_Folwer. Today, Folwer steps down from his post and moves on to the next step in his life. Not before sitting down with us in the Frumpzilla offices(read: the internet).

You’ve all enjoyed his quips and thoughts on Twitter, however we are both excited and saddened to bring you his final interview ever. It wasn’t cheap (who needs profit anyways?), but at least we are now familiar with the ins-and-outs of wiring money to the Cayman Islands. After the Frump is the entire transcript of @Lee_Folwer’s last interview.

Questions from the Frumpzilla staff in italics, Lee’s responses/commentary in red.

First, I want to make a statement.  NC State has offered me an opportunity to do what I do best….NOTHING!!!   AND I STILL GET FREAKIN’ PAID?  HOW SWEET IS THAT????  Look, we all know how gullible these people are, but Jesus H. tap dancing Christ…not even I expected this one.

So, I gotta continue going through the motions for another month or so, but then it’s hello Branson, goodbye lunatic fringe.  The big LOL cat is in ur bank account cashin’ ur chex, baaaaby.

So, what the hell, I’ll take your questions…

The Admiral:  Lee — tell us about your favorite Homecoming memory while at NC State.

The details are sorta fuzzy, but it’s gotta be the one where Oblinger took me, Ruffin McNeil, and a couple of unnamed donors down to Cabo to watch it on television.  There was so much tequila on that private plane, I don’t even remember who we played.  I do remember the girl who won our Mexican homecoming queen pageant could scratch behind her ears with her feet, though.  Those were the days…

The Admiral:  What person associated with NC State athletics, employed by the university or otherwise, do you feel the closest kinship with?

Sorry.  I can’t talk about that one.  There’s a restraining order.

The Admiral:  What is your favorite charity?

If I had to pick just one, it would probably be UNICEF.  They do good work.  If you think about it, without them, NC Central wouldn’t have half the students it does today.

The Admiral:  Could you ever envision a career in politics?

I’m sure I could win an office if I ran, because I’m all about winning, but I think I would see myself more in a diplomatic role.  Put it this way, I wouldn’t turn my country down if I could be Ambassador in Hawaii or maybe Vegas.

The Admiral:  The V8 5.7 or the V8 5.0 and why? (Firebird engines)

It doesn’t matter.  A bird with a pull start Briggs and Stratton still pulls in ass like a black hole.

The Admiral:   If your sock drawer has 6 black socks, 4 brown socks, 8 white socks, and 2 tan socks, how many socks would you have to pull out in the dark to be sure you had a matching pair?

What in the hell do you think I have a wife for?  If she’s too stupid to turn on the lights, that’s her problem, not mine.

The Admiral:   What is on your “bucket list”?

Usually regular, but if it’s on my expense account, I go with extra crispy.

Cochese:  If you could trade your mustache (RIP) for any in the world, whose would it be?

Let’s put this mustache mess to bed once and for all.

The accident is still a deeply painful subject for me.  I feel like a rape victim because I was robbed of my personality by big corporate greed and faulty product design.  I read every word in the Remington Trimmer Owner’s Manual.  It said nothing about blade guard failure or any warnings about operating it after drinking only six or seven glasses of wine.

This is far from over.  I WILL have justice.

B-Diddy: At the start of your tenure here, is this where you hoped NCSU would be in a decade?

I’ve always liked Raleigh, so I see no reason to change that, but if we were going to move it, Branson would have been my choice.

B-Diddy: So much of your success seems to be easily attributable to Mr. Bobby Purcell and his exhaustive fundraising efforts, where does your contribution fit in?

I taught Purcell every thing he knows, to be honest with you, and no matter what people think, we wouldn’t even have some of the big butts to kiss if it weren’t for me.  That is a direct result of my professional swagger and suave disposition.  It takes a real smooth talker to get big money suckers in your back pocket.  You either have to be born with that talent, like yours truly, or take years learning.  Bobby is learning.

B-Diddy: Tell the truth, have you ever taken a Lifetime Rights contract, rolled a cigar with it, and giggled to yourself on your boat?

Did Kennel tell you this?  You can’t tell that senile old dingbat anything.  He probably made that up.

B-Diddy: Is your departure going to be emotional or are you ready to move on somewhere where you will be appreciated?

I’m sure there will be a lot of tears from the staff in the Case Center for the next few weeks.  Personally, I don’t think one man will be able to fill my loafers, plain and simple.

As to appreciated, look pal, I am appreciated every where I go.  You can see it in women’s eyes.  Just walk into any Waffle House with me on a Saturday morning when I’m wearing my track suit.  It’s like the waitresses are all hypnotized.  Again, this is something I was just born with.  That’s just how the big guy rolls, daddy-o.  He don’t need your stinkin’ job with a  pocket full of buy out cash.

B-Diddy: Are you confident you’ll be able to postpone your departure from NC State long enough to get one last free golf trip to Ireland?

Truthfully the Ireland trip is really why I chose to bag the job, now I can tell you that.  I can’t think of any sane person who would willingly go overseas with Coach Nyquil and a crew of backwoods farmers.  Now, thank GOD, it won’t be me.  Let that memo-writing dwarf squire those yokels around.

As to golf, hell, I built my own course just so I wouldn’t have to wait for tee times.  Lonnie’s name might be on it, but make no mistake about who owns it, baby.  That’s big daddy’s track.  Life membership has its perks.

B-Diddy: There was a report of your daughter approaching a fan at a basketball game to defend your honor, saying “I don’t wear a shirt into your Dad’s work that says he sucks”. Do you appreciate your family fighting your fights for you? Do you appreciate the passion your family has for the job you’re doing?

Look, Folwerette means well but, to be honest, she sorta missed the stop at the brain station.  Granted, she loves her daddy, but she also believes in the Easter Bunny.  You folks need to give her a break.

As to my family’s passion, hell, they’re all women.  Passion’s a good thing except for the time one of them invited that biker gang up to the lake.  It took poolboy a month to overseed those donuts.

B-Diddy: Word has it you’ve been interviewing at quite a few schools before Mississippi State, San Diego State included. Is it disheartening to move in your mind from San Diego to Mississippi? What went wrong with that SDS interview?

Like I said before, I know my magnetism works on women, but others see it, too.  I won’t lie, I looked at other opportunities, but it’s hard to find the combination of low expectations, nice cash, a tv show, and a free golf course I had at State.

As to San Diego, I really wasn’t impressed, but the people out there are gullible as hell.  They have some ship tied up near there they call the Queen Mary.  Those people actually pay good money to go on board and walk around.  They don’t even know the real one hit an iceberg and sunk even after there was a damn movie about it!  Make no mistake, I could sell LTR’s to those rubes.

Overall though, that entire situation just didn’t seem right.  I think the whole place is a big fake. We drove up and down that damn beach and never even saw the Golden Gate Bridge.  After that, things just smelled fishy, and trust me, I was at Memphis, so I know fishy.

B-Diddy: The latest Director’s Cup standings have Miss. St. at #66 among the 66 BCS schools and #146 overall. In comparison, NC State is #60 among BCS schools and #88 overall. Does it excite you to move to a position where even minimal work will show progress and allow you to switch on cruise control until retirement?

From what I know, unless it’s full of Rebel Yell, those folks don’t give a damn about any cup.  It would take even less effort than here to do that job.

Ciaran: My girlfriend — sorry, ladies — was banned from Carter-Finley Stadium for life during the Duke game last season. In the citation the officer clearly recounted that, from peeping through the cracks of a bathroom stall, she discovered my significant other was mixing an alcoholic beverage by pouring airplane bottles into her soft drink.

Where do you stand on the issue of “stall gazing” as a method to ensure fans comply with Carter-Finley’s alcohol policies?  How about “stall gazing” in general?

Tell her to come see me before June 30th.  We can probably work something out.  Tell her to wear that little black number.

Ciaran: As you may know, I’m the only one at Frumpzilla that’s not intimately connected to N.C. State athletics. I’m a big Georgia fan, SEC homer, etc.  With that in mind, what do you expect your potential touchdown in Starkville to bring to the SEC landscape?

Dude, I quit reading that one at “know”…too many words.

Ciaran: I find it interesting that you’re strongly considering a move to not only another “State” school, but also one with a mascot in the Canidae family.  How big of a factor in your decision to interview was the familiarity MSU presented in this regard?

I don’t know the Canidae’s personally, but I’m sure they’re good people.  Maybe if I take the job, I’ll meet them.

Ciaran: As a follow-up, if Bulldogs, like, traveled in packs, who you got in a throw down?

Did you drink a bunch of cough medicine before you wrote these questions?

Ciaran: Okay, real quick…word association.  “Inept”

Outept?

Ciaran: “Mustache”

I can’t describe the positions in one word.  Sorry.

Ciaran: “Cigar”

Boss Man.  Dammit, two words, my bad.

Ciaran: “Hillbilly”

LTR.   Are abbreviations considered one word?

Ciaran: “Barry Manilow”

Steroids

Ciaran: “Annabelle Vaughan”

Hoover

Ciaran: “Cougar”

Firebird

Ciaran: “Roy Williams”

winner

Ciaran: “Sidney Lowe”

donuts

Ciaran: “C.J. Leslie”

Who?

Ciaran: “Carolina”

song

Ciaran: “N.C. State”

PAYDAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!!!!

Ciaran: “Mississippi State”

spelling

Ciaran: “Chapel Hill”

clefhangers

Ciaran: “Raleigh”

circles

Ciaran: “Starkville”

No circles

Ciaran: “Frumpzilla”

Japs.

Oh, and dear, dear Frumpsters, we have several more for you after the jump…

If the ship's going down, Lee Fowler is ready. If only State fans could get their hands around his neck...

Own it, Lee...f*cking own it with that power stance! Live it, live it!

The Wind Beneath my Wings

Now, for those not as well versed in NCSU athletics, here’s a little taste of the situation at hand:

NC State’s Cross Country championship in November of 2009 was their first ACC Title since winning the ACC Wrestling Championship in March of 2007.

Since Fowler has been at the helm (2000), NC State has not won a conference championship in any major revenue sport (their last conference title among the major revenue programs was baseball in the 1991-1992 season).

A program with some of the best football and basketball facilities in the ACC is starved for success, and the revolution has now reached the top.  After students wore “Fire Fowler” t-shirts to express their disdain for the current steward of their floundering athletic department, his daughter confronted several fellow classmates regarding their actions.

Needless to say, this has turned ugly fast, as can be witnessed at forums here and here,  granting us access to some hilarious photographic evidence showing the old man hard at work.  Moreover, the student newspaper, The Technician, has already penned their take on Raleigh’s favorite retard (sorry, Sarah) here .

But, honestly, who can blame State fans? I would be pissed 0ff too if I had not won any championship of significance in 20 years, and pictures of my athletic director leaked that made him look closer to a cigar swindling, nap taking, karaoke loving doppelganger of Jed Clampett more than the purported leader a university of NC State’s stature deserves.

Is this the perfect storm that finally rids the Wolfpack fanbase of a persistent source of anger? We’ll see, and Frump is keeping an eye on this one.

Look for Cochese to come back strong with some more stats on Mr. Fowler, but, for now, let’s just enjoy him while he lasts…

Fowler's escape pod (you know, for the whole "sinking ship" motif)

Burnin' Down The House!

At the Copa! Copa Cabana!

"I don't want anybody else...when I think about you I touch myself!"

This pic would be far more appropriate if the flag matched the shirt...

]]> http://www.frumpzilla.com/frumpzilla_site/articles/fowl-play/feed/ 11 http://www.frumpzilla.com/frumpzilla_site/articles/nc-state-crushes-duke/ http://www.frumpzilla.com/frumpzilla_site/articles/nc-state-crushes-duke/#comments Thu, 21 Jan 2010 16:14:40 +0000 Cochese http://www.frumpzilla.com/?p=950

The Red Blazer strikes again

Notes from the game:

• No question that this season has shown mass improvement from the previous two in terms of intensity, hustle and pride exhibited by the Pack, however that has seldom resulted in the full 40 minutes needed to beat a quality opponent….until last night.  The Pack was focused and aggressive from start to finish.  NC STATE played as if they believed they were the better team and it showed.
• Tracy Smith continues to put on an offensive clinic this season, going 10-12 from the floor while using an array of post moves and even a couple of face-up jumpers.  Duke rotated 4 different big men on him and none had the answer.
  

  Tracy Smith

• 

  Scott Wood

  A big reason that Smith, despite being NC STATE’s best player, has room to maneuver in the post is the presence of freshman wing-man Scott Wood.  Coach K, knowing a thing or two about shooters, had Duke focus their defense game plan on shutting down Wood.  Duke succeeded in the first half, holding Wood without a FG attempt.  Kyle Singler spent most of his time on Wood, clearly rattling him early.  That changed with the first offensive possession of the second half as NC STATE ran a screen specifically for the shooter that resulted in his first shot…he was fouled by Singler and made all three free throw attempts.  This provided the spark and got him going as he finished with 10 points in the half, including a pretty pull-up mid-range jumper and a deep 3, both in Singler’s face.  As he gains confidence, Wood has the look of being a dominant ACC player down the road.  His game has few holes.

• Richard Howell is another freshman playing very well and he seems to be coming into his own offensively.  He is deceptively athletic and plays very aggressively down low and on the perimeter.
• Dennis Horner started off shaky, missing an easy layup and turning the ball over within the first minute of the game, but settled in and took great advantage of some favorable match ups down low to turn in one of his best games as a Wolfpacker with 20 points and some timely three pointers.
• Far and away the most  important and telling statistic was NC STATE’s assist-to-turnover ratio, an outstanding 18:9.  Duke’s pressure D is renowned and NC STATE took care of the basketball, a truly wonderful thing to watch from the stands.
• CJ Leslie was spotted in the stands sitting with future Wolfpack bad ass Ryan Harrow…DO IT CJ.  DO IT.
• Lorenzo Brown was also in attendance.

• All and all, a great win for NC STATE.  A difficult road trip to Maryland looms, with the always dangerous and shimmy-shaking Greivis Vasquez at the ready.  The Pack will then return home for another emotional rivalry game vs. the hated heels of tar.  Can NC STATE maintain some momentum to close out the first half of ACC play strong?

God I hope so.

-Chese

More opinion after the jump.

Acting the way he does i.e. peacocking around, flapping gums, chest bumping, and flopping at the slightest hint of contact is NEVER acceptable.  And never unacceptable at Duke, but that’s irrelevant.  Compounding the matter is the fact that McFarland, frankly, isn’t very good.  So, consider it a personal favor to the Donk Spotter if you must, Chas, and SHUT IT!!

You’re making it very hard for me to pull for your team.  And I’m an interested party.

By the way, that fifth foul against VT via “getting your obnoxious ass T’d up” was well earned.  That’s what happens when you act like a turd.  The below also happens–also deserved, I’m sure.

The Heels left Durham with a W, which begs the question, does a win in the team’s only rivalry game make the season a success?  Short answer – no.  Longer answer after the jump.

Tar Heel nation can breathe a sigh of relief, as UNC beat hated rival Duke 28-20 in a nail biter on Saturday.  The more delusional segment of the Tar Heel fan base believes this lone victory makes the season a success, despite the 8-4 record they posted on the season.

Look, we know Duke sucks.  They have for a long, long time.  There’s nothing we can do about it – they are our lone and most bitter rival, and the hatred runs both ways.  Hopefully the signs of improvement Duke has shown this year will help football make it back near the top of this heated rivalry.  We know they have no chance in basketball, so this is as good as it gets.

T.J. Yates bounced back from the most atrocious game of his career, going 15-of-19 for 190 yards and 3 touchdowns.  “Nothing feels better than beating our rivals.  I’m glad we were able to rise to the occasion and show up for the most important game of the season.”  When asked why the team couldn’t display the same effort in its 4 prior losses this season, Yates attributed it to the “overall lack of a rivalry” with the other schools.  “Nothing raises your level of play like a true rivalry.  Those losses all sting, but none would have been worse than if we had lost to Duke.  It’s good to have a rival, because some of these other schools don’t even have one.”

Having choked away the season and a chance to play for an ACC championship, the Heels bounced back and were able to claim the Victory Bell for the fifth straight season. 

Shortly after the game, however, some were showing signs of concern.  Nicks was overheard saying “this is only one game… Since when is a season’s success measured by one single game?  That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard.”

Coach Butch Davis wasn’t all smiles, either.  “We lost 4 games this season.  I know the fans may be happy we won 8 games, but we really let ourselves and the alumni down by not winning them all.  I do not want this program to be of the mindset that beating our rival makes the season a success.”

With this epic battle behind them, the Heels will prepare for a meaningless bowl game which signifies the overall bitchassness of NCAA football.  I hope the football team can tap into the intense emotion from Saturday’s game and channel it to the equally crappy opponent who looms in the bowl game.  The nation’s most popular university expects nothing less, although we’ll probably have forgotten about the football team in a few days time.

Now that college football is leaving everything to the computers, the civilized world can finally move on to manlier sports like the NFL and NCAA basketball, where the score is settled on gameday. 

More youtubage of The Pack after the jump!

(authors’s note:  Yes, I understand photoshop exists and that the date is 8/29/08…but I choose to believe it’s real and ignore the date and still view it as a sign!)

(2nd author’s note:  Yes, I meant to leave carolina uncapitalized.)

EA Sports’ NCAA Football 2009 rankings.  I guess I should clarify this a bit.  You see, there are a lot of things that I think need to be changed about college football, and one of the first things I’d do as dictator is abolish all preseason polls; or at least their obvious, arguably inappropriate influence on the only rankings that really matter in the end: The final BCS standings. 

Ask yourself if LSU could still make the 2007 BCS Championship Game, after two losses over their last 6 regular season games, if they’d started the season ranked 8th or 13th, for example, as opposed to 2nd.  The big two preseason polls, as well as all the other media polls out there, pollute the college football landscape by gifting certain anointed teams an advantage based on what is essentially, somewhat arbitrary, conjecture.  I mean, let’s face it, these things come out well before any team has even sniffed a competitive playing field.  What legitimate basis do  the voters have to rank any team at that point?

Make the jump for more on this topic and NCAA Football 2009′s Top 25 courtesy of Operation Sports, who apparently received a beta copy of the game (lucky).

Now, I don’t disagree that a team’s performance from the previous season, combined with the amount of returning talent, provides some reasonable basis to speculate upon their quality and pending success or failure for the upcoming season.  If the AP and Coaches’ Polls were only there to stir up debate and captivate the college football audience, then there wouldn’t be any issue here.  Of course, while they do in fact foster debate and intrigue before, during and after the season, they also have a direct impact and effect on every team’s shot at the ultimate prize.  That’s a big problem in my opinion. 

Think about last season, and all the story lines that played out, and teams’ struggles to leapfrog the school occuyping the next rung up on the ladder from them; all of them jockeying for a shot at BCS glory.  Now look at the 2007 polls, particularly the preseaon polls, final polls, and the now infamous weeks 13-15.  Hopefully they’ll help illustrate the point.

So anyway, all that’s to say that when I claim EA’s NCAA Football 2009 preseason poll is the most “relevant”, my tongue is, of course, firmly planted in cheek.  I guess it would be better to say that, in a perfect college football world, NCAA 2009′s rankings might as well be just as relevant as the AP or Coaches’ polls.  It is a dream I have… 

Here’s the NCAA Football 2009 Top 25.  ***EDIT: Apparently several readers have been missing this, so be advised that the team names in the Top 25 link to screenshots of the team, their ratings and their ranking.  Don’t miss out***

1. Georgia
2. Oklahoma
3. Ohio State
4. USC
5. Florida
6. LSU
7. Missouri
8. West Virginia
9. Wisconsin
10. Texas
11. Clemson
12. Texas Tech
13. Penn St.
14. Arizona St.
15. Kansas
16. Auburn
17. Virginia Tech
18. Illinois
19. Tennessee
20. BYU
21. South Carolina
22. Alabama
23. Oregon
24. Cincinnati
25. Wake Forest

Note that two teams have perfect 99′s across the board: Georgia and Ohio State.  Foreshadowing maybe?  EA has actually released every teams’ official ratings (Overall, Offense, Defense) in a spreadsheet found here.

Another interesting bit is Florida State, who almost certainly have become the greatest unranked team in the history of the NCAA Football series.  Here’s some other pics of teams of note based on Frumpzilla’s staff and locale: N.C. State, UNC, Duke, ECU, and UCLA.  July 15th can’t come soon enough…

(1) Memphis vs (2) Texas, 2:20 ET

Line:  Memphis -3.5

Augustin’s majestic free throw airball aside (in the closing seconds, no less, the other night), I like the Longhorns here.  Was that a beautiful example of pressure, or what?  Anyway, I like Texas for several reasons.  The game is in Houston, TEXAS!  No elaboration needed.  Winning Elite Eight games and beyond absolutely requires solid guard play, and UT has a serious dose of AA.  Abrams and Augustin.  They both can handle,  shoot it from range, and have tons of big game experience.  

Memphis, while completely embarrassing the Spartans, just hasn’t been tested.  They have incredible athletes but zero pure shooters.  When the nerves surface, the jumpers rim out.  Ask Duke. Anyway, I could be  dead wrong because  the Tigers are most  athletic  team I’ve seen  since the Runnin’ Rebs of the early 90′s.

(10) Stephen Cury vs (1) Kansas, 5:05 ET

Line: Kansas -9.5

At this point, if someone told me Stephen Curry could heal the terminally ill, I probably wouldn’t question it.  This kid is the balls.  He’s also the Truth, the Deal, the Question, and the Answer to said Question, period. Makes me feel like I’m the age that he looks, like I can’t wait to buy his rookie card or something.  Unfortunately for Davidson, it may actually take a miracle worker to get past Kansas today. 

Unlike Wisconsin, the Jayhawks have got athletes at every position, and enough shooters to weather the storm if Curry and the rest of the Wildcats drop a series of bombs to go up by double digits at some point in the game.  Chalmers is gonna get intimate with Curry today, so to speak, and, though I hate to say it, it’s possible Kansas could run away with this one.  It wouldn’t surprise me at all.

Of course, Davidson obviously has something magical going on right now, and has caputred the nation’s heart in the process.  The ever powerfull Mo is definitely on their side.  Notwithstanding that, we all know about Bill Self’s developing repuation as a choke artist, so we’re not saying to write Davidson off entirely.  Just don’t get your hopes up…

By the way, will Stephen Curry’s total points plus assits eclipse 29.5?  Hmmm…

Regards,

Cieron and the Donk Spotter

Notwithstanding the fact that Wayne “The Rain” Ellington averages almost 17 points a game as a sophmore admist an insurmountable amount of talent, I believe his true claim to fame is “The Hottest Player in the NCAA”.  I challenge anyone to show me someone who is more “fine” than “The Duke”, as I call him. He’s so hot, I’ve even forgiven him for being friends with the absolute ass that Gerald Henderson is, and believe you me, you have to be SMOKING to pull that off.

Given the sausagefest that Frumpzilla seems to be, I’ll go ahead and take the lack of posts to the contrary as evidence of all you submitting to Ellington’s hotness superiority!

Now, I’m not suggesting Dell and Steph didn’t play HORSE. I just think it’s clear that their games were, in terms of drama and duration, closer to “Hoop Dreams” than an episode of “Hang Time”.  Can’t you just see these guys not hitting “R” or something for at least 2 hours?  Sonya Curry, finest mom on the block, steps out the door: “Dinner’s ready!”. “Alright, hun.  We’ll be in in an hour or so.”  “Damn, Dell, y’all are only on ‘S’ ?”.  Let’s just say I’m confident Dell and Stephen ate a lot of cold and/or reheated meals.  It’s certainly paid off.

Stephen Curry is averaging 35 a game in the Tournament:  Dropped 40 on Gonzaga in the 1st round, going 8/10 from downtown, and 30 in yesterday’s 2nd round upset of Georgetown.  Apparently 55 of those 70 points have come in the 2nd half, so I guess Steph is a bit of a tease, but then better late than never I suppose.  His jump shot aside, he did some stuff in the 2nd half against Georgetown that were hard to believe considering most people could reasonably mistake Stephen Curry for an abnormally tall 9 year old boy.  Needless to say, I was impressed.

Steph didn’t get a full scholarship offer from an ACC school.  Even dad’s alma mater, Virginia Tech, suggested he walk on his first year, pick up the ‘ship his Sophomore season.  Well, that didn’t fly with Steph, and rightfully so, so off to Davidson he went. Against Tournament teams this season, including Gonzaga and the Hoyas, Curry is averaging 28.5 points per game.  Davidson had North Carolina, UCLA, Duke, and Winthrop on their regular season schedule.  With that in mind, I’d say Davidson got a gift, and there should be some positions opening up in ACC recruiting offices soon.

Davidson gets yet another “Goliath” next in Wisconsin.  I’m looking forward to that one as much as any Sweet 16 matchup.  Thanks, Steph.

***Potentially NSFW due to some foul language (assuming you have audio)***

Okay, I know Duke got knocked out today, and basically got manhandled by the Mountaineers in the 2nd half, so I guess this is piling on a bit.  I usually frown upon such behavior, but then I certainly don’t mind making an exception for Greg Paulus (who wouldn’t?).

I think I snapped when CBS showed, for the 4th or 5th time, the clip of Paulus’ smirk after he hit that deep three from the elbow early in the 1st half. It was either then or when I saw Greg chatting up one of the officials as if he’d asked Paulus for an autograph.  “Yeah, Ed, holla at me after the game.”  To be fair, I obviously have no idea what they were talking about.  I’m sure it was something legitimate, it’s just Paulus’ general demeanor, and apparent lack of genuine respect for anyone around him.  He’s easily the easiest Duke player to hate since Laettner stomped on that kid from Kentucky back in ’92 or whatever.

Which brings me to this:

It’s an inescapable comparison really.  They even look a bit alike.  Eerie.  The only question is who’s the bigger ass, and, to be perfectly honest, I’m torn.  I wouldn’t wager on that one, but I’d be comfortable putting a few down on Johnny in the Octagon.  Get him a body bag!

Seriously, what’s going on here?  Sure, they won, they advanced, and I guess that’s all that really matters, but it’s an understatement to say that Duke isn’t exactly striking fear into their Tournament opponents like they used to.  71-70?  Over Belmont?  And they had to do it like this?

First, let me just apologize in advance for the above picture.  It’s obviously not from last night’s Magic game against the Cavs.  You can find J.J. Redick filed, yet again, under the “DNP – Coaches Decision” in that box score.  It’s just hard to find pics of J.J. Redick actually playing basketball in an Orlando Magic uniform, so I hope you’ll understand.

But yeah, the Magic were bombing ‘em on Monday night: 14 of 32 from downtown for a 43.8% clip.   They only shot  39.5% from the field, to give that a bit of perspective, but of course our Halo pwning poet pal, J.J., could only watch from the bench.  I wish I could stop at the 32 to 27, three point attempts to games played ratio, but that wouldn’t serve this sweet, sweet irony justice.  Let’s dig deeper:

1.  The Magic attempted more 3 point shots last night than J.J. Redick has rebounds and assists on the season — combined;  2.  The Magic made more 3 point shots last night than J.J. Redick has rebounds (13) and assists on the season (10); and 3. The Magic, and this one hurts, attempted more 3 point shots last night than J.J. Redick has attempted free throws this season.  I mean, if that’s not a dagger in J.J.’s heart, then J.J. Redick simply has no heart.  To make matters worse, J.J. is only 22 of 28 from the stripe.  That’s roughly 78%, people.  Can you say “rock bottom”?

As a disclaimer, despite how all this looks, let me just say that I’m not a Redick hater.  I’m really not.  In fact, while some of my cohorts (one in particular) would probably have left Redick passed out, face down in a Durham ditch during a flash flood (he really would have too…), I rather enjoyed watching J.J.’s success at Duke.  That said, I’ll be the first to admit I was probably wrong about his NBA prospects.

Now I never said Reddick would be a perennial All-Star, or something bat-shit crazy like that, but I did maintain, vehemently, that he would be a solid contributor at the NBA level.  As of right now, even that prediction is looking like it may fall the way of Decca Records’ 1962 rejection of The Beatles:  “guitar groups are on the way out.”  Yeah, bat-shit crazy.

J.J.’s got time though I suppose.  Time to prove me right.  Even the coach that apparently can’t stand to look down his bench and not see Redick’s snow white face staring back at him agrees. “He’s a hell of a player. . .People say, ‘Well, this is a lottery pick.’ Well, there’s a lot of lottery picks sitting on the bench. Jermaine O’Neal sat for six years, you know? And then became an All-Star.” 

Well, Coach Van Gundy, Jermaine O’Neal didn’t spend 4 of those 6 years playing under Coach K at Duke now did he, which of course was probably a good thing for O’Neal’s pro prospects.  Nevertheless, assuming Van Gundy is the soothsayer he claims to be, I guess we should expect Redick to be at All-Star Weekend circa 2012.  I just hope he’s still in the league by then.

Apparently Coach K is taking time out of his advertising/recruiting (well, that’s the same thing…) schedule to host a mini-camp this summer.  What will be the subject of said camp?

Flopping.  Yes, you can learn one of the most important skills required for any dook basketball player (behind 3 point shooting and the rusty trombone)!

If you can’t wait to pull out your AMEX and pay for this thing, download the application and mail it in, post haste.

In all seriousness though, the dookies aren’t on our level.  You want a rematch?  See you on Sunday.  That would make 2 weeks in a row the Heels beat the Dook women in the ACC Championship.  I’m out for now - here’s another photo of the Paulus teabagging.  Well, when I say “the” teabagging, I guess I could be more specific – we all knows what goes on in the Dook locker room.  (Side note – Super Bowl MVP in the background!)

Compiled from Frumpzilla.com field reports — Danny Green led UNC with 18 points, 8 boards and 7 blocks while Player of the Year candidate Tyler “Have Ball Will Travel” Hansbrough added a double-double, 16 points and 15 rebounds, to push the #1 ranked Tar Heels past #6 Duke at Cameron Indoor Stadium on Saturday night.  UNC point guard Ty Lawson, absent from the teams’ earlier meeting which saw Duke run out as winners in Chapel Hill, tallied 10 points, 3 assts, and 3 steals.

The Blue Devils put up a valiant effort, led by Greg Paulus’ 15 points, but, despite being a 4 point underdog, North Carolina appeared to be in control for nearly the entire game.   Even with less than 2 minutes to play, when Duke had managed to draw level, it was difficult to imagine the Heels being behind when the final buzzer sounded.  Notwithstanding the loss to Carolina, Duke senior Demarcus Nelson will be disappointed to close out his career at Cameron with only 6 points and 4 turnovers, but it seems likely Nelson and the Blue Devils will get at least one more shot at the Heels, the most probable setting being this Sunday’s ACC Tournament Final in Charlotte.

As expected, the rivalry provided for a spectacular atmosphere, and the competion always seems to carry on even after the final seconds.  “I can’t describe how great this win was,” said UNC student Michael Cunningham.  “Beating Duke is always the best obviously, especially considering how much they look down on us because we’re a publicly funded institution.  Avenging the loss at home makes this one extra sweet,” he added. “I’m just glad the refs didn’t screw us like they usually do.”

Kelly Simms, a junior Political Science major at Carolina, expressed similar sentiment. “Yeah, being ranked over 20 spots higher in U.S. News’ 2008 Best Colleges rankings didn’t mean much tonight did it, Dookies!”, she said.  “I can’t stand it when people look down their noses at other schools and fans the way Duke does, especially considering UNC is obviously a comparable  program and institution.”  “The only thing that could make this night better is if we’d also gotten the chance to beat those red necked cattle rapists over in Raleigh earlier in the evening,” Simms added.

Fans of the Blue Devils, though certainly disappointed, found ways to rationalize the bitter defeat at the hands of the Tar Heels.  Duke grad student, and Hartford, Connecticutt native, Herman Berkowitz’s despair was tapered by thoughts of the future.  “Losing to Carolina hurts, there’s no denying it, but there are more important things in this world.  I’ve got a friend graduating from Carolina this year, so I’m happy for him,” Berkowitz confessed.  “Yeah, he’s got a pretty decent job lined up at a mid-size accounting firm in Charlotte.  He’ll probably start out with a package of just under 6 figures.  Meanwhile, I’ll be working in Manhattan banking at least $225,000 in salary alone,” he added.  “Knowing that softens the blow of tonight’s loss.  I certainly won’t be losing any sleep over it.”

Duke freshman Sara Cinnelli-Dukakis was just happy to be part of the moment.  “When I packed up and left Parsippany, New Jersey this fall, I’d probably never seen a basketball game in my life.  Tonight every inch of my body, every inch, was covered in blue and white paint, and I was hoarse and hobbling on a sprained ankle by half-time,” she said.  “It’s like cramming every party I wasn’t invited to in high school into 40 minutes.”