A: My boyfriend is addicted to Reddit. Remind him what I look like while I'm actually probably layting next to him. Internets: Holy shit...your look like someone beat your face with a sack of hot dimes
It’s true, Frumpsters. Sad as it is, there’s a seedy, sticky web of anonymous derision and ridicule out there that, by design, is just waiting to snag unsuspecting victims. Worst part is, even those innocents that presumably only tap into the innertubes out of practical or professional necessity aren’t safe.
Take this chick whose boyfriend is allegedly addicted to Reddit and apparently doesn’t pay her enough attention anymore (I’ve seen it a hundred times). Sad, and definitely something I can understand her wanting to talk to someone about (maybe her boyfriend?). Unfortunately, she made the critical error of actually confiding in Reddit itself, in the pics forum no less, not to mention implying that, based on her profile pic alone, the community would/should naturally agree that a night with her would be far more desirable than a night with Reddit. Tragic. I bet she didn’t even see the “sack of hot dimes” comment coming…
Ever felt like your pets are trying to tell you something? Perhaps even harboring an intense, calculated desire to kill you? Sure, we all have.
I can’t tell you how many times I got that strange feeling after one of me and Frump’s staring contests went just a little too far. Very unsettling.
Of course, sometimes I guess it’s worth taking a step back and asking yourself if your furry (or feathered) friends may actually have a legitimate reason for secretly plotting a fail safe scheme to extinguish your life.
You know, maybe if, like, you were douchey enough to film yourself doing sit-ups, or something. It’s worth considering…
Little local flavor to start out the day, a public service announcement. One of the drug dogs from a nearby Sherrif’s Department has apparently gone missing, and, as a favor for a friend — since Frumpzilla has so much exposure, obviously — I’m posting this in hopes it leads to Felix’s return to the Fuzz.
UPDATE: Breaking news, Frumpsters. Coincidentally, less than an hour after the publishing of this article, they just happened to have found Felix. Congratulations, Internet. Your power is unrivaled.