2008 Masters Coverage

Wed, Apr 9, 2008 at 10:16 pm ET


Frumped by


The most competitive day at the Masters is over… and Tiger
wasn’t even there.

The unique Par 3 tournament during this year’s Masters
provided the most competitive golf we will see over the next few days.  Although Tiger Woods decided to skip the day’s
festivities, he actually did the rest of the tour players a favor letting them
have their own “Mini Masters” before he brings home his 14th major
championship.  Rory Sabbatini, longtime
friend of Woods, was the 2008 Mini Masters Champion shooting a 5 under par 22
today.  When asked what he thought about
the curse of no player winning both the Par 3 tournament and the actual Masters
in the same year, Rory joked “Fuck you… cock sucker… fuck… pussy licker!”  Not all players were as light hearted as Rory
on this sunny day.  When asked about
Tiger’s chances at capturing his 5th green jacket, Phil Michelson
mood was very somber, “I’m just thankful that we had a beautiful day
today.  My kids had a great time out here
and that’s what it’s all about.  I’m
actually not playing in the Masters this year, only the Par 3 today.”  When pressed for an explanation, Phil said, “Look,
every tour player knows who is going to win this tournament.  I have much better things to do than go out
there and get my ass beat by Tiger again.  I’m fucking sick of it!”

These sentiments were shared by many players today.  Everyone seemed grateful to have the opportunity
to play in their own side tournament, but they were also exasperated with Tiger
and his God-like level of play this season.  Many of the players have talked about chipping in and buying a green
jacket for the Par 3 or “Mini Masters” winner from now on, but that would start
next year because everyone thinks Rory is a dick.

When Tiger was finally reached for comment later in the day,
he seemed pleased that the rest of the players had found a way to make the
tournament seem meaningful, “It’s just nice to see the players get out there
and have a little fun today, I can’t imagine what they are going through right
now.  I know many of them are leaving
after today and that’s just sad, I mean who wouldn’t want to stick around and
have a front row seat for this?”  Tiger
was then asked how he could be so confident with a game as fickle as golf?  His response was chilling, “Ok, I’m going to
try and make this simple.  Let’s say you
have a milkshake over there in your hand.  And I have a straw that reaches allllllll the way across the room and
into your milkshake.  Could I drink your
milkshake?”  Silence echoed all around
before Tiger exclaimed, “I DRINK YOUR MILKSHAKE!!!!”  And then he was gone.

-Tiger by 6


-or maybe Ogilvy if Tiger breaks his leg.

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2 Responses to “2008 Masters Coverage”

  1. Stiker Beaver Says:

    I going with the feild… Mainly because im a dumb ass! Im going with KJ Choi… Mainly because, well you know!

  2. The GingerHead Man Says:

    Now if he just had Daniel Plainview on the bag, it would be on.  And maybe H.W. holding the mobile scoreboard.

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