Frumpzilla

In today’s story reminding us that some semblance of nightmares can often crossover into reality, South African inventor Sonnet Ehlers has brought the world “Rapex“; a ferocious, fiercely fanged, female condom-like device designed to devour unwanted penises intruding into the vaginal cavity.

See those teeth over there? Yeah, they’re manufactured specifically to rip manhood to shreds, at least to the extent that a perpetrator will be requiring serious medical attention. The medical attention is kind of the main point of it all, too, as a trip to the ER with that oh so common “Yeah, I accidentally slipped my junk into the salad shooter again” excuse is likely to raise some eyebrows. There’s also, of course, the chance to escape Rapex may provide victims when their assailant first realizes his offender has become dinner. So, that’s a positive…

Now, though it seems the mere chance that someone might be sporting one of these things would be quite a deterrent in and of itself, I guess it doesn’t necessarily hurt to go the extra mile and actually use it. I just worry about the wild night some lovely lady may meet that charming gentleman at the bar; a drink or ten later, and, what do you know, they’re off for a fully consensual “casual encounter.” Problem is, as we’re all aware, there’s a tendency to become a tad forgetful while under the influence, and, well, let’s just say someone’s going to be sobering up rather quickly in that situation.

Back to Big Ben, I’ve read a lot lately about how Roethlisberger’s public image is unsalvageable at this point, but I’m not sure that’s fair. I mean, if Michael Vick can entertain the possibility of atoning by becoming a spokesperson for PETA, is the thought of Big Ben’s mug appearing on the box of Rapex hanging behind the clerk at your local gas station so far fetched? One can dream…

Special thanks to The Admiral for the tip and some inspiration.