Anti-Rape Condom Could Give Even The Likes of Big Ben Pause

Mon, Apr 26, 2010 at 4:34 pm ET

Kissed With Apocalypse, NFL, The Rest

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The Big Ben CondomIn today’s story reminding us that some semblance of nightmares can often crossover into reality, South African inventor Sonnet Ehlers has brought the world “Rapex“; a ferocious, fiercely fanged, female condom-like device designed to devour unwanted penises intruding into the vaginal cavity.

See those teeth over there?  Yeah, they’re manufactured specifically to rip manhood to shreds — at least to the extent that a perpetrator will be requiring serious medical attention.

The medical attention is kind of the main point of it all, too, as a trip to the ER with that oh-so-common “Yeah, I accidentally slipped my junk into the salad shooter again” excuse is likely to raise some eyebrows.

There’s also, of course, the chance to escape that Rapex may provide victims when their assailant first realizes his offender has become dinner.  So that’s a positive.

Will Ben Roethlisberger become the first spokesperson for Rapex?

Now, though it seems the mere chance that someone might be sporting one of these things would be quite a deterrent in and of itself, I guess it doesn’t necessarily hurt to go the extra mile and actually use it.

I just worry about the wild night some lovely lady meets that charming gentleman at the bar — a drink or ten later, and, what do you know, they’re off for a fully consensual “casual encounter.”

Problem is, as we’re all aware, there’s a tendency to become a tad forgetful while under the influence. And, well, let’s just say someone’s going to be sobering up rather quickly if Rapex is involved.

Back to Big Ben, though.  I’ve read a lot lately about how Roethlisberger’s public image is unsalvageable at this point, but I’m not sure that’s fair.

I mean, if Michael Vick can entertain the possibility of atoning by becoming a spokesperson for PETA, is the thought of Big Ben’s mug appearing on a box of Rapex hanging behind the clerk at your local gas station so far fetched?  One can dream.

Special thanks to The Admiral for the tip and some inspiration.

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5 Responses to “Anti-Rape Condom Could Give Even The Likes of Big Ben Pause”

  1. B Diddy Says:

    How comfortable can this be for the lady-folk? I can’t imagine women would really enjoy walking around with “fish like teeth” between their legs.

    Also, in the original article I couldn’t help but read “Rape Crisis Cape Town” only as “Rape Town”.

  2. Ciaran Says:

    Not a particularly outrageous nickname, sadly.

  3. Don Williams Says:

    That is part of what your responsibility is to get the fame and big bucks.

    Think about the message we are sending if we condone his actions.

    He may be an good football player, But I am certain that there are others that will play as well and have more character that our kids can look up to. Do you think that Michael Vick should be allowed to play for Philadelphia or any other team? Were should the line be drawn? Can anyone with an impartial view point elaborate on this issue?

    This is not like taking drugs or getting an DUI this is committing murder. Michael Vick returned to the NFL, signing an two-year contract with the Philadelphia Eagles.

    The problem here,as I see it,is that he has to be an roll model. I be leave that everyone should get an second change.

    – Don Williams

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