Yao Ming Resists Pressure to Stop Taking Deer Penis in the Ass

Tue, Apr 1, 2008 at 5:57 pm ET


Frumped by

Yao is so depressed now.

Deer penis, turtle blood and angelica root potions have joined steroids and amphetamines on the list of banned drugs for Chinese Olympians, providing pressure for all Chinese athletes, including Yao Ming, to abandon their use.

Yao's buck with the look of lust in his eyes.             Yao with the look of love in his eyes.

From Bloomberg: “While China’s top athletes have long sought a competitive edge by ingesting traditional concoctions, those customs are fading amid stricter doping rules and concern that drug scandals will embarrass the host nation during the Summer Olympics in Beijing. The nation’s sports stars are replacing millennia-old elixirs with vitamins, protein shakes and Western remedies.”

Almost all Chinese athletes that is…Eric Zhang Mingji, Yao Ming’s agent in China, has stated that Yao will continue with his traditional asian treatments to heal from a stress fracture in his left foot, through his training for the August 8th-24th games. Such treatments involve the injection of concocktions such as deer penis into the buttocks.

Frumpzilla decided to consult an expert to learn more about the pros and cons of using traditional, Chinese remedies to enhance performance on and off the court. Stan “The Man” Zemenski, a GNC sales associate, weight lifting enthusiast, and self-proclaimed nutritionist sat down with Frump to give his take. 

Frump: What do you think about athletes using injections of deer penis to enhance performance?

Stan: Well, its one way to get a head, but its a real ballsy move.  These concocktions aren’t regulated here, so when you bend over you never know what or how much you’re going to get. Some guys just don’t know what they can handle, and they find themselves overworked and in a world of pain…

Frump: Where do athletes get these treatments in the US if they are not regulated here?

Stan: I’ve definitely seen guys slinging this stuff on the corners. They’re like, “Yo, what you want man? I got that Rudolph. I got that Vixen. I got that Dank Dasher.”  I mean, I’m not saying I haven’t tried it. It really jacks you up, you know what I mean, but I got into a hairy situation once and it scared me. Just thinking about it prickles my skin. I really got overstretched…it’s bad news. I’ll never go that shady, backdoor route again. That’s why I’m at GNC where everything is up front.

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4 Responses to “Yao Ming Resists Pressure to Stop Taking Deer Penis in the Ass”

  1. The GingerHead Man Says:

    Whew, boy.  Look at the rack on that buck.  Wow.  I don’t deer hunt, but that can’t be natural.

  2. Ciaran Says:

    Yep.  That buck must be homosexual.

    I’m assuming they grind the deer schlong up.  Please tell me it’s not considered a delicacy or something.

    As a final note, how disturbing is that black and white photo of Yao?  Looks like it came straight from a deleted scene of “The Ring” or something.  I’m expecting a grainy, monochrome Yao to step out of my computer screen any moment now… 


  3. eric zhang Says:

    Good article. I definitely appreciate this site. Keep writing!

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