Frumpzilla PSA – how to properly consume mass quantities –  a.k.a…“Priming the Pump”

Thu, Dec 24, 2009 at 10:53 pm ET

The Rest

Frumped by


Beldar Conehead

 

Before you sit down at the smorgasboard of goodies that is the holiday table, remember this important tip…

dinner

 

One of the perks to being a construction professional is that sometimes, there are things you can learn on the jobsite that you can apply to situations home.  Ive learned all matter of home repair and indeed, tips for life from the fine fellows on the job.  That said, there is one thing I have learned that is especially handy on those wonderful days every year in which we are allowed to eat like absolute pigs….Thanksgiving, the 4th of July Low Country Boil and the day of gluttony that is Christmas.

How often have you eaten on one of those days, unbuttoned the pants and sat back in misery?  How often have you been unable to truly enjoy the dessert or the fridge full of booze due to your bulging stomach?  If you “Prime the Pump,” these worries are gone. 

Concrete pumps are common things on any commercial job site.  The pumps are large trucks, similar to a fire engine, with a compressor on it that pumps concrete up to 300 feet.  One of the most important things you have to do before pumping the concrete is that you have to run a yard of grout through the line before, which acts as the primer…primer being very similar to a lubricant.  Without it, the concrete will not flow smoothly through the pump, causing it to bind and build up along the way. 

Your gastrointestinal system is very similar to a concrete pump.  It needs to be “primed” with the proper mechanisms before accepting all the ham, turkey and starch you jam into it.  Therefore, be sure to eat a solid portion of fruit and a salad as a pregame to your nosh.  It will lubricate your large and small intestines allowing proper digestion and movement into your bowels.  

 

Take it from the Chese.  My peristalsis has never been more efficient.

Merry Christmas, Fa Ra Ra Ra Ra

-Chese

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