Israeli PhD On Moses’ Flight Out of Egypt:  “Just another Jew on a bad trip”

Thu, Mar 6, 2008 at 11:44 pm ET

The Rest

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Moses, blitzed, delivers the Ten Commandments

Professor claims Moses, followers were simply “tripping balls” the entire time.

Compiled from Reuters Reports– Benny Shannon, psychology professor at Jerusalem’s Hebrew University, claims the authenticity of Moses’ story as chronicled in the Book of Exodus (better known, and more culturally relevant, as Cecil B. DeMille’s The Ten Commandments) is highly questionable considering the prophet and those that followed him were likely under the influence of a hallucinogenic plant commonly found in the Sinai Desert.

Though this isn’t news to anyone outside the Judeo-Christian community, Dr. Shannon has no reservations about discussing his “theory.” “The plant creates an altered state of awareness”, said Shannon.  “Anyone who’s seen Altered States knows what I’m on about here.”  “Burning bushes? Invisible blaring trumpets? Mass orgies dedicated to a golden calf?  When’s the last time any sober person has seen shit like that outside of southern California?” “It’s no coincidence that Mount Sinai is 7,497 feet above sea level,” the professor added.

Still, Shannon, who says he has partaken of the psychoactive plant himself no less than 160 times (though allegedly not immediately before his interview), says he doesn’t necessarily believe that DeMille’s account of the Israelite’s journey is a complete fabrication.  “I have no doubt that they saw what DeMille says they saw. I just think it’s obvious they were tripping balls the whole time,” Shannon said.  Professor Shannon elaborated:  “Listen, I’m just gonna be frank, man.  I’ve gotten blazed several times with this stuff in various contexts and settings, man.  I’ve seen things you wouldn’t believe, man.  Hell, one time I actually thought, really believed, I was Charlton Heston, man, which is a bit ironic, I guess, but that’s what this shit wlll do to you, man.”

Professor Shannon is not without his detractors, however.  Dr. Ira Goldstein-Mayer, co-chair of the Theology Department at Hebrew, suggests Shannon’s theory is implausible.  “If Moses and his followers were the only ones that witnessed such miraculous events, Dr. Shannon may have a point,” Goldstein-Mayer noted.  “Of course, as we all know from DeMille’s epic classic, the Egyptians also bore witness to several super natural occurences.  Rivers turning into blood, staffs morphing into serpents, and the parting of the Red Sea, to name a few.  I suppose they were all high as kites as well?”  Dr. Shannon gives little credence to such criticism.  “The Egyptians?  Yeah, man, all high.  Pharoh in particular.”

Moses, baked, leads his followers across an ankle deep brook just east of the Red Sea.

On Israel Radio, Orthodox rabbi Yuval Sherlow expressed his conernes with Shannon’s theoy: “The Bible, and Cecil B. DeMille, are trying to convey a very profound event. We have to fear not for the fate of the biblical Moses, but for the fate of science.”  Again, Professor Shannon was not taken with his critics.  “Profound, man?  Profound?  Tell the rabbi to ingest some of this shit while out in the middle of the desert with a band of gypsy troubadors, two camels, and a midget sheep herder with a three legged iguana on a chain linked leash.  Then we’ll talk about what’s profound, man.”

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4 Responses to “Israeli PhD On Moses’ Flight Out of Egypt:  “Just another Jew on a bad trip””

  1. BigAlatUNC Says:

    Ha. I love your mouseovers! That is hilarious.

  2. Shannarn Says:

    thats it, bro

  3. Anncr Says:

    nice work, man

  4. Anne Roth Says:

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