REUTERS- Jessica Alba Yells at Parking Attendant, Accusing Him of Setting “Unfair Parking Rates”

Wed, Apr 2, 2008 at 10:03 pm ET

Pop Rocks, The Rest

Frumped by

$1.50 an hour?!?!?!?!?!?

Beverly Hills, CA- Jessica Alba went to visit her OBGYN today due to her most recent Derek Jeter inflicted herpes outbreak and couldn’t find parking near the Beverly Center. 

In a desperate race to make her appointment, she succumbed to the convenience and lure of public parking. Afterward, she briefly stopped for a detour on Rodeo Drive and stocked her Aurora shopping bag with rancid newspapers, wrinkled old plastic bags, randomn receipts, and the quarter gallon of Valtrex prescribed to her by her doctor. When she returned to the public parking deck, she had a scuffle with Don Juan, the parking attendant, telling him to “Get a job, Don, ya bum!”

Drenched in tears and with a furrowed brow, Ms. Alba yelled at Don, “Are you fucking kidding me? A dollar-fifty each additional thirty minutes?! So, wait, I can stay here for two fucking hours and pay you only two fucking bucks, but if stay longer, I have to start paying your dumb ass an extra dollar-fifty each half hour?! That is a fucking scam! I mean, the first two hours I am paying you only like a dollar an hour you stupid unjust fuck! And then I have to start paying you three bucks an hour?! Who the fuck died and made you God?! Anyway, I’m not paying you shit!!!” 

Don Juan then reminded Ms. Alba that he’s just a parking attendant and not City Hall and he had no power to set fees. Ms. Alba then punched Don Juan in the chest, causing him to gasp for air as he fell into a violent seizure.

Ms. Alba was not available for comments.

Related Posts with Thumbnails
  • Share


Subscribe to our e-mail newsletter to receive updates.

5 Responses to “REUTERS- Jessica Alba Yells at Parking Attendant, Accusing Him of Setting “Unfair Parking Rates””

  1. Ciaran Says:

    Wish I could say this was surprising.  I’ve always been pretty sure that Jessica was a b*t$h. Especially considering she never responded to any of my letters.  Or photos for that matter…

  2. The GingerHead Man Says:

    Did you go the Riley Skinner route?

  3. Jrock Says:

    Nothing like a cute hoodrat. Geez, Jeter is a ridiculous pimp. He’s going for the Chamberlain trophy. Omosis Jones is putting up a hella fight for that dude. Dude’s a walking petri dish.

  4. BigAtatUNC Says:

    FYI, if Ms. Alba was coming from the OBGYN, it was from a check up for the baby she is having with her fiance, film producer Cash Warren. The word on the street is the baby will be named Honor and is due soon. I heard Jeter did send flowers and best wishes to the couple though…

  5. Seymour Haver Says:

    Jessica Alba is very pretty. Alba is a really great actress. :)) I like her because she is true, like other actresses. ex: Jolie A. I didn’t mean to be rude; i just want to say what i think.

Leave a Reply

You can add images to your comment by clicking here.