Why Can’t I Have a Bulletproof Suit, Too? Perhaps I Can…

Fri, Jan 23, 2009 at 1:10 pm ET

Kissed With Apocalypse, The Rest

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Barack taking the oath of office; Michelle getting really turned on

So I’m sure you’ve all heard the reports about President Obama wearing bullet proof clothing during the inaugural ceremonies on Tuesday.  Yeah, it’s true.

See that strapping overcoat up there?  Bulletproof.

Shirt?  Bulletproof.  Tie?  Bulletproof.

That Q-Ray Bracelet thing on his right wrist?  Bulletproof, and it’s all thanks to one Miguel Caballero, a Colombian designer that specializes in such attire.

Naturally, upon learning about this garb, I immediately thought “okay, where can I get some?”  I mean, every girl’s crazy about a sharp dressed, bulletproof man, right?

Just look at how freakin’ turned on Michelle is in that picture.  What guy couldn’t use more of that in their life?

Sadly, after I reexamined the prospect of donning bulletproof threads, I realized that my all too zealous imagination may have gotten the best of me.

How am I going to pull off bulletproof clothing?  How could I justify it?  Sure, I probably could afford it, but I’m just not that important.  After all, Presidents, Kings, Prime Ministers — I’m sure these are the ilk of folk that keep Miguel Caballero in business.

Well, I decided to research this, just to be sure, and I was right — except for one glaring loophole.  A loophole that may just allow the common, independently wealthy, everyday man, such as myself, rock some bulletproof fashion, too…

According to this ad for a $4,000, Miguel Caballero polo, “…High profile clients include action hero Steven Seagal, King Abdullah of Jordan, President Hugo Chavez of Venezuela, President Alvaro Uribe of Columbia, Prince Felipe of Spain, and other notable V.I.P.’s…“.

So yeah, I was righ…wait.  Steven “Hard to Kill” Seagal?  What the hell?  Ummm, that can’t be right.  Is he not the epitome of the whole “Which one of these doesn’t belong” on that list?  Heh-heh, no-no.

Unless I could find another, incontravertible source, this had to be a mistake.  So I checked  Wikipedia (obviously)…

Steven Seagal in a bulletproof...ehhh, some type of fasian garmet

Miguel Caballero is a bulletproof clothing company based in Bogotá, Colombia with outlets in Mexico City and Sao Paulo. It is best known for its fashion line of bulletproof clothing and counts among its clients Prince Felipe of Spain, the actor Steven Seagal, President Álvaro Uribe of Colombia, President Hugo Chávez of Venezuela and other heads of state.

Well, there you have it.  If it’s referenced in Wikipedia, it might as well have been referenced by God herself.

I guess it just wasn’t enough for Mr. Seagal to be type cast for the entirety of his professional career — he had to make sure he remained in character for the rest of his life.  There’s even a nice picture of Steve and Mr. Caballero on Miguel Caballero’s official site.

So I figure, hey, if Mason Storm Steven Seagal has a justifiable excuse to wear bulletproof clothing, why the hell don’t I?  Surely the odds of either one of us getting assassinated, or something, are pretty damn close.

All that’s left to do now is decide what article or accessory to buy.  I’m kinda digging Barack’s Q-Ray.  It’s obviously worked wonders for him…

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One Response to “Why Can’t I Have a Bulletproof Suit, Too? Perhaps I Can…”

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