Your Pictorial Guide to Strange and Fascinating Facts About American Presidential History

Wed, Sep 26, 2012 at 11:13 am ET

Kissed With Apocalypse, The Rest

Frumped by

With the Presidential election just around the corner, we thought it might be a good time to review our great nation’s rich and fascinating Presidential history. Especially the bits our public school system so glaringly omits.

Now, we obviously couldn’t care less who you vote for when you hit the polls come November — that’s a private and personal decision that you’ll have to reach on your own. We’re not here to persuade you one way or the other,  but we do think you should at least be armed with the knowledge necessary to give the voting process for the United States’ highest public office the respect it deserves.

For instance, learning that President Obama’s “Change” platform was actually a direct reference to, and namesake of,  his trusty crossbow may very well swing some votes away from the Romney-Ryan ticket, but that’s not our goal. We only wish to bring such frivolities to the forefront; how you use it, whether at your next pub-trivia night or when asking a question at one of the Presidential Debates, is up to you.

That said, come with us after the jump to learn some trivial, yet fascinating, facts about some of this country’s greatest political leaders…

Thanks to the marvelous “Drunk History” series, you probably learned quite a bit about Benjamin Franklin that you didn’t know before. Still, even that enligthening material didn’t drilldown to the real story behind Franklin’s “discovery” of electricity.

Sure, you probably had to memorize the Gettysburg Address circa 4th grade or so. And I bet even the back of the classroom recalls the importance of Lincoln’s Emancipation  Proclamtion. But your teacher probably left out why said proclamation was so damn effective. Now you know.

There are quite a few consipiracy theories out there about whether or not we truly landed on the moon back in 1969. Like most conspiracy theories, there’s actually some truth to  them. A very small amount of truth, mind you, but some truth nonetheless.

See, there’s no doubt that Neil Armstrong did, in fact, make that one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind. And said step/leap was definitely on the moon. It just wasn’t the first step/leap.  After all, someone had to go up there first to make sure things were safe, right? Safe from what? Aliens, of course.

Who was that brave, battle-hardened man? President John F. Kennedy. Incidentally, this often overlooked fact plays a huge role in the Kennedy assasination conspiracy theories as well.

Speaking of conspiracy theories, let’s talk about Bigfoot. You know, Sasquatch, Yetti, etc. Again, there’s some truth to all these sightings that pop up every few months or so. There’s also a reason why those big, furry beasts keep such a low profile.

For one, they’re nearly extinct. Second, the ones that happen to be left have been scared shitless since the early 1900’s. Why? Three words: Teddy Mothaeffin’ Roosevelt.

Lastly, but then also firstly in a sense, George Washington. AKA: The original Commander-in-(Master) Chief. Again, contemporary popular history would have you believe a bunch of unorganized farmers with bird guns and kitchen knives, led by a handful of uppity intellectuals, somehow managed to win their independence from arguably the world’s most powerful military force at the time.

Is that really any more plausible than the picture above?


You can buy all of these awesome prints and more from San Francisco artist Jason Heuser. Very affordable, too! Please visit his Etsy shop to see the entire collection. Cheers!


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3 Responses to “Your Pictorial Guide to Strange and Fascinating Facts About American Presidential History”

  1. Mitch Smith Says:

    @B__A__Johnson haha, yeah that was too much effort though. btw, thought you may get a kick out of this.

  2. Mitch Smith Says:

    Your pictorial guide to strange and fascinating facts about American Presidential history…

  3. Timbo H. Says:

    For those who've been waiting to see President Obama wielding a lightsaber whilst bareback riding a lion…

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