Hartford, Conn.- William Reese, a one time staunch Tori Amos fan, who once traveled across the continent of North America to see Ms. Amos perform in San Francisco in 2002, has come to a grim realization: "Tori Amos sucks ass," Reese admitted to his friends in a stern, yet poignant round table confessional. "I'm terribly sorry for all the road trips in which I forced you guys to sit through such wretched, ultra pseudo-feminist bullshit like 'Little Earthquakes,'" Reese lamented. However, his friends were not so quick to forgive him. Andy Johnson, a longtime buddy of Reese, plainly laid it out for William: "Well, Bill, I'm glad you've come to confront this horrible affliction head on. It certainly means a whole lot to us because we've all been cut by it. God, we've been cut oh so deeply by that neurotic red head and her fucking Wurlitzer electric pianos. But did it really need to take you six god damn slow ass years to realize Tori Amos is strictly only suitable for the ears of fat depressed chics and gay dudes?"