Of course, none of his mistakes apparently involve performance-enhancing drugs, perjury, or banging 15 year-old karaoke singers.

That's right, just when you thought it was own up time for The Rocket, it ends up being an essentially meaningless tease.  Clemens released a statement Sunday in which he apologized to his family and the public for all the personal mistakes he's made.  The problem is Roger doesn't define what in fact those mistakes were.  He does make it a point however, to deny that he ever used performance-enhancing drugs or had an improper relationship with a 15 year-old Mindy McCready.

"I know that many people want to know what I have to say about the recent articles in the media," Clemens said in the statement. "Even though these articles contain many false accusations and mistakes, I need to say that I have made mistakes in my personal life for which I am sorry. I have apologized to my family and apologize to my fans. Like everyone, I have flaws. I have sometimes made choices which have not been right."

Really?  You mean to say you're actually human like the rest of us?  You're apologizing for that time you forgot about your anniversary? What's the point in any of this?

"Now, I have been accused of having an improper relationship with a fifteen-year-old girl. Nothing could be further from the truth. This relationship has been twisted and distorted far beyond reality. It is just one of many, many accusations that are utterly false."

Read: Roger didn't did give McCready "The Rocket" when she was 15; he waited 'til her Sweet 16, when she was "legal" in Florida.  Phew, now I feel better.

"I realize that many people want me to simply confess and apologize for the conduct that I have been accused of, but I cannot confess to, nor apologize for, things I did not do. I have apologized to my family for my mistakes. And having offered this apology to the public, I would ask that you let me and my family deal with these matters in private."

Well, you just might have us there, Roge.  If you waited to give McCready the chin music 'til she was 16, there's really no point in apologizing for bedding a "15 year-old".  I see your point. 

And yeah, if you honestly felt that taking some innocuous vitamin injections in the ass helped you pull those back to back Cy's at the age of 35, after winning only 40 games combined in the previous 4 seasons, then hey, you're not technically a liar I suppose.  Just an ass.  I guess I see your point there too...