Frumpzilla.com

The Top 25 Sci-Fi Movies

2008-08-16T17:10:00Z

The new Star Wars movie is coming out. It's good timing for a sci-fi movie list. Here goes...

1. Star Wars IV: A New Hope

2. Star Wars V: The Empire Strikes Back

3. Stars Wars II: Revenge of the Sith

4. Terminator 2

5. Predator

6. Aliens

7. Robocop

8. Robocop 2

9. The Minority Report

10. Star Trek: First Contact

11. Back to the Future 2

12. Matrix: Reloaded

13. Dark City

14. The Truman Show

15. Jurassic Park

16. They Live

17. Planet of the Apes

18. Soylent Green

19. Mad Max Beyond the Thunderdome

20. The Fifth Element

21. The Fly

22. Total Recall

23. The Time Machine

24. War of the Worlds

24. Independence Day

25. Contact

New Diet Craze to Sweep Nation?

2008-08-14T17:12:00Z

Michael Phelps may be known for his prowess in the pool, and could go down as the greatest Olympian ever, but, given our nation's fascination with fad diets, not to mention quick fixes in general, Phelps may strike true gold on the nutritional market.

According to an article in the New York Post, Michael maintains that lean, muscular look by packing away no less than 12,000 calories a day. To be fair, he also swims 5 hours a day, 6 days a week, which admittedly is a bit more strenuous than say my weekly workout routine, but then I'm not sniffing 12,000 calories either. I also don't have the body of Michael Phelps, not quite, but at least there's hope, and that's what Michael Phelps is selling our great nation's millions, and in more ways than one.

Ready for your meal plan? Make the jump for one personally tried and tested by Mr. Phelps himself...

Okay, so here's your daily meals, mapped out specifically, and in great detail, for all of you looking for that cut out of granite look. It may be alarming at first, that's understandable, just remember that if Michael Phelps can do it, then so can you...if you swim 5 hours a day, 6 days a week, and were fortunate enough to be blessed with the appropriate genetic/molecular structure. Straight from the article:

"Phelps lends a new spin to the phrase "Breakfast of Champions" by starting off his day by eating three fried-egg sandwiches loaded with cheese, lettuce, tomatoes, fried onions and mayonnaise.

He follows that up with two cups of coffee, a five-egg omelet, a bowl of grits, three slices of French toast topped with powdered sugar and three chocolate-chip pancakes.

At lunch, Phelps gobbles up a pound of enriched pasta and two large ham and cheese sandwiches slathered with mayo on white bread - capping off the meal by chugging about 1,000 calories worth of energy drinks.

For dinner, Phelps really loads up on the carbs - what he needs to give him plenty of energy for his five-hours-a-day, six-days-a-week regimen - with a pound of pasta and an entire pizza.

He washes all that down with another 1,000 calories worth of energy drinks."

Not bad, eh? I envy that meal plan, kind of. Swimming 5 hours a day, 6 days a week? Ehhh, not so much. It's a lifestyle decision, you know, and some people may be able to adapt to it better than others. Just keep in mind that if you don't squeeze the swimming into your busy schedule, already eaten away, so to speak, by the sheer amount of time you'll spend getting your meal plan down, you could end up looking closer to the the pic below than the pic above.

But you have to take the good with the bad, right? It's a risk you take, it's a risk Michael Phelps took, and look how far he's come.

Still, it's kind of unbelievable, isn't it? I mean literally unbelievable, by the way. Could that meal plan really represent Michael's typical eating habits? Well, for me at least, it's hard to swallow. I was always told to wait 15 minutes before hopping in the pool after I destroyed a PB&J (or 2...) for lunch. You know, to avoid cramps and getting sick and stuff. Relative to Phelps' mid-day meal, I'd say he should be waiting around 15 days.

Beyond that, how is this kid even keeping that kind of grub down? His stomach can't be much larger than the size of my fists, there just isn't enough space there underneath those rock hard abs. And he's managing to go swimming, not casually mind you, after all this? Insane.

But whatever, I'll give him the benefit of the doubt until he publishes his first New York Times bestseller, and its inevitable follow-ups. He is an American hero, after all, I just hope I never see him exit the restroom stall I've been waiting on. I imagine toilets may be the only things that fear Michael Phelps more than his competition, and for very good reason...

CNN/AP Insert Subtle Pun About Beheaded Man

2008-08-01T02:26:00Z

In the following article about a 19 year old riding a Greyhound who gets his head cut off by a maniac, CNN demonstrates an utter lack of restraint, or perhaps carelessness, in choosing such poor words as those shown below in the 9th full paragraph:

BUS PASSENGER BEHEADED SEATMATE, WITNESS SAYS

(CNN) -- As horrified travelers watched, a Greyhound Canada bus passenger repeatedly stabbed and then decapitated a young man who was sitting and sleeping beside him, a witness said Thursday.

Police investigate the scene near Portage la Prairie, Canada, on Thursday.

"There was a bloodcurdling scream. I was just reading my book, and all of a sudden, I heard it," Garnet Caton, who was sitting in front of the two men, said of the Wednesday night incident west of Portage la Prairie in Manitoba.

"It was like something between a dog howling and a baby crying, I guess you could say," Caton said. "I don't think it will leave me for a while."

Passengers exited the bus, and a trucker who stopped provided wrenches and crowbars to several of them so they could keep the suspect on the bus until police came, witnesses told Canadian TV.

The suspect was seized with the help of negotiators, Royal Canadian Mounted Police Sgt. Steve Colwell said.

He said no formal charges had been filed, and he declined to identify either the man in custody or the victim, who were among 34 passengers.

The was no immediate indication of what prompted the attack, Colwell said. He said he didn't know how many times the victim was stabbed. Witnesses described the weapon as a large butcher-type knife.

Caton told The Associated Press that the victim appeared to be about 19 years old and had gotten on the bus in Edmonton.

Colwell praised the "extraordinary" level-headedness and bravery of the bus driver and passengers[...].

Valdosta, Georgia: TitleTown USA

2008-07-31T16:00:00Z

Congratulations, Valdosta. Winning this ESPN contest is quite an honor, I suppose. For those of you that don't know, around 50% of my family is from Valdosta, and still down there. I've spent a lot of time 'round dem parts, and still make it down around two times a year. Despite that, and my knowledge of the area's remarkable sports history, I was still rather surprised when I heard they'd beat out places like Boston, Chicago, New York, Los Angeles, Chapel Hill, Green Bay, and so on to win this whole TitleTown thing. I figure that means that the detached, purely objective observer, as you likely are, is extremely surprised. Well, assuming that's the case, I felt it would be a pretty good time to drop a little Valdosta/Lowndes County knowledge on ya...

Valdosta's ace in its pursuit of the TitleTown crown was its high school football history and tradition, particularly that of Valdosta High School. Valdosta is the winningest high school football program in the nation, and I suspect by far. Dating back to 1913, their record is 838-191-34. That puts the Wildcats as not only the most successful high school football team in the country, but apparently also the 3rd winniest football program of all time, at any level. Only the University of Michigan and Yale have more wins, and both predate Valdosta High by 30+ years of football.

Valdosta's head coach at the time, Mike O'Brien, had this to say about the program back in 2001:

"Our program is 86 years old, and has been through 12 head coaches. We have only been below a .500 winning percentage five out of the 86 years. We have accumulated 39 region championships, 23 state championships, and six national championships. Here is a little fact to help you better understand how tough our region is. A team from our region has either won or played for a state championship 40 times in last 52 years. Valdosta is the winningest high school football team in America. Our record is 782-160-33. To put that into a better perspective for you, we could lose every game for the next 60 years and still have a winning percentage above .500. Of course if this were to occur I would no longer be the coach." A telling statement, I'd say.

Okay, well, wins are great, sure, but TitleTown, the name itself, suggests championships, right? No worries. Valdosta has plenty to spare.

'20, '40, '47, '51, '52, '53, '56, '57, '60, '61, '62, '65, '66, '68, '69, '71, '78, '82, '84, '86, '89, '90, '92, '98

That's 24, in case you weren't counting, with only the first 8 coming in a classification lower than the state's highest.

Then of course we have the Lowndes County Vikings, Valdosta's arch rival. I'm sure they played a part in landing the TitleTown honor. Lowndes may not have the history of Valdosta, but they've certainly been more dominant as of late, with State Championships in '80, '99, '04, '05, and '07, all while in Georgia's highest classification for high school football.

But wait, there's more. Moving up to the college ranks, the town boasts the Valdosta State University Blazers, Division II football national champions in '04 and '07, runners-up in '02. VSU also has D-II titles in Tennis ('06) and Baseball ('79).

So yeah, if you were just totally taken aback by some, relatively small, relatively anonymous, South Georgia town's victory in this little ESPN contest, hopefully the above bits of trivial knowledge will at least provide you with a somewhat reasonable basis to understand what 29% of the country was on about when they cast their vote for Valdosta.

Josh Childress’s Great Escape

2008-07-24T01:42:00Z

Go Josh. Americans can be out-sourced too.

The NBA season is over but there is some wheeling and dealing going on. Elton Brand is a Sixer. Richard Jefferson is a Buck. (Doesn't that sound derogatory? I guess being a Buck is an insult.) Corey Maggette is a Warrior. My former fantasy basketball sixth-man Matt Barnes is a Sun. Chris Duhon joins the Apocalypse. Hype man Ronny Turiaf is getting live in the Bay now. TJ Ford is a Pacer. Jermaine O'neal is a Raptor. Marcus Camby is a Clipper. Talk about getting dissed. Camby was released for cap space and a secound round draft pick. Camby wisely predicts that the draft pick probably won't even make the team.

Josh Childress is an Olympiaco. Olympi-who? J-Childs joined a team in Greece. The Hawks offered him $33 milli-ons over five years without including taxes and the Greeks offered $21 milli's in the air after the tax man cometh. Josh did real good. He's gets paid more and in a stronger currency with fringe benefits like free lounging. Good thing the Hawks drafted for the same position for five years in a row. They have been running through forwards. It looks like Team Josh is over. Josh Smith and Josh Childress might be gone.

The big issue is what does this mean for the NBA and future NBA prospects? The high school kids looking through college brochures might be enticed to hit the Euro-league for seven figures instead of dodging freshman classes until the NBA draft while looking for ways to cover up booster scholarships. (Whew, I got winded after reading that sentence again.) Also, what impact will this have on the NBA benches? If a guy can make more money and start in Europe then why would he ride the pine in the NBA gaining no respect or PT. There's some rich people in Russia that could afford to bank-roll some serious basketball squads. What if they went after stars that are losing their home-side appeal like Vince Carter or Jason Kidd? This is an interesting time for the NBA.

This could be bad news for the guys that go undrafted or get cut from NBA squads. It's already hard enough to become a professional basketball player. The last thing they probably want is competition from players with NBA job security.

I hope Josh has some thick skin. It's all peaches and cream right now but those European fans have no boundaries. At least not in soccer where racism is obvious at times.

LET THEM EAT CAKE!!!!!!

2008-07-16T13:31:00Z

Sometimes you just have to sit back and marvel at the liberal mindset. According to the article below, a 'non-profit' organization dedicated to helping the homeless has taken it upon itself to both entertain and register the homeless to vote during the Democratic National Convention in Denver, CO next month.

"Hundreds of Denver's homeless could be cooling their heels in a movie theater or museum while the Democratic National Convention is in town next month.

The Colorado Coalition for the Homeless plans to get 500 movie tickets as well as passes to the Denver Zoo, Denver Museum of Nature and Science and other cultural facilities for the people it helps."

Not that I have anything against entertaining bums...really, I am pro-bum-entertaining...whatever keeps them from touching me or openly urinating. However, there is more....

http://www.rockymountainnews.com/news/2008/jul/15/homeless-hey-buddy-can-you-spare-movie-ticket-duri/

Evidently, there are two alternate motives for the bum field-trip during the convention:

"A two-day voter registration drive is also planned at shelters and health clinics to ensure that metro area homeless people have access to the polls in November."

and

"Parvensky vigorously denied that there will any attempt to hide the homeless during convention, which runs Aug. 25-28.

Tight security around the Pepsi Center means some homeless people will get booted out of their regular camps along the South Platte River. Then, there's the protests and parades.

'A person who typically sits under a tree in a park that is now occupied by 1,000 protesters won't have the peace and quiet they're desiring,' Parvensky said. Particularly those with mental illness can't cope with crowds."

In summary, the Dems want to both sign up every tramp, hobo, vagrant and street hustler they can find to vote for B.O., bribe them to do so with trips and activties all while not having to see or smell the before-mentioned outcasts on their way in and out of the convention.

Seriously. You cannot make this stuff up. My party of choice is a long ways from perfect but at least we dont resort to such obvious vote-mining as the libs and such blatent hypocracy. You want to help a person? Give him food, or better yet, a shower and a way to find a job. This is degrading. Secondly, is this the 'informed public' you wish to base a winning election on? Do these people really have any capacity to select the best person for this job at this critical time in our history? If a person, given the option, would likely choose a warm, free Colt 45 over an opportunity to vote, I say that person has no business voting at all.

This is why, ultimately, McCain will win in November. The lib base will be sleeping one off in the park on election day.

-chese

Earth Continues Remarkable Dominance in Miss Universe Pageant…

2008-07-15T01:17:01Z

Stretches current undefeated streak to 56 years thanks to Venezuela's Dayana Mendoza. She looks pretty.

Miss USA tripped in the evening gown competition for the 2nd year in a row, and the world laughed (I'm sure). To be fair, had I been watching the competition myself, I'm sure I would have laughed too. I mean, everyone can appreciate how truly taxing it must be to walk in an evening gown and not bust your ass, right? Has to rank up there with catching up to that mid nineties fastball when you were really expecting a 12-6 curve, in terms of difficulty. With that in mind, I'm obviously not trying to say that I could saunter on out there and not pull a Rachel Smith/Crystlle Stewart, not without getting in pageant shape first anyway, but I think we also need to remember that these broads are supposed to be the best of the best. Unfortunate, and yet funny as hell given the totality of the cirumstances. Bonus clip of last year's trip and fall after the jump...

Big Pun has been reincarnated!

2008-07-08T13:34:01Z

Is this fat Iraqi kid the Big Punisher? Don't fuck with this kid. He will dance gangsta down the street next to the US Armed Forces and bitch slap your ass if you disrespect us! Hillarious-ness!

Patti Boyd: Once Beautiful, Now Looks Like She Ran the 100 Yard Dash in a 90 Yard Gym.

2008-07-05T22:54:01Z

She had two rock legends under her thumb for twenty odd years. And her time has come. The subject of such classic rock staples as "Something" and "Layla" is now a hideous wench...

Who Would’ve Guessed It?

2008-06-28T21:13:00Z

I guess I just missed the boat on this one. Who's the last person you would expect George Clinton to share a hometown with?

Well, the glue between Parliament/Funkadelic and the P-Funk All-Stars was born in Kannapolis, North Carolina. What!?!?!?!?!?!? For those of you that do not know, Kannapolis, NC IS the heart of Nascar country.

So if you guessed this guy:

You are CORRECT!!!!!

Now, go back to what you were doing. Me, I won't be able to. I'll be in the closet, hiding.

3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! R.I.P, Dale.

Donk Spotter

What was that, Mike?

2008-06-26T22:04:01Z

Mike, I know there are a lot of balls flying around out there, but come on. Give it a rest.

Mike Patrick, ESPN play-by-play broadcaster, used some, er, colorful language this weekend during the finals of the College World Series. Let's just say I had to rewind the 'ol DVR. Here's a snippet:

"Oh, he got fisted on that one!" Now, Mike could've said, "Oh, in on the hands." Or "Boy, he got jammed on that one." But no; Mike's gotta go around fisting everyone. The funny thing about this was he said it several times during the week.

Late in the game, Mike dazzled us again while describing the Fresno State lineup. He said, "Boy, these guys can really stroke it." Really? Regardless, Mike is right. They can definitely stroke it. LONG. That second home run Eddie Munster/Ray Liotta hit was absolutely murdered (Credit to Cieron). Big ups to Fres-Yes. But I wasn't pulling for you. Don't get too excited.

By the way, Mike, Harry Caray wants "Holy Cow" back. Not a big fan of the fisting, I guess.

Donk Spotter

A Tribute to Bo Jackson

2008-06-25T20:09:00Z

A Top Ten Nominee

Reality or Fiction?

This video had the Internet going bananas. Girl power t-shirts were printed. No one knows baseball like Bo and that's a Bo Jackson play all day. In honor of this "Bo Knows" moment, I challenge the Frump Staff to a round of Tecmo Bowl.

“Kobe, Tell Me How My Ass Tastes”

2008-06-24T20:44:00Z

By this point, I'm sure most of you have seen the video of Shaq's freestyle about, mostly, Kobe. Kazaam! Come on, Shaq. You freaking hate the guy.

First of all, the "Big Aristotle" is hilarious. Shaq Fu has a long history of wise-cracking behavior, but this was serious. I understand the whole "I was just kidding. They were just lyrics. I'm a great rapper." Well, maybe not the last part. But you can't go on and on about one person, punking the shiz out of him, and then say you're joking. Kobe's the best on the planet, though; I'm sure he'll get over it.

Secondly, Shaq just lost a lot of sponsorship cheese, most likely. He's always been a jokester, but he's got a pretty clean image. I'm certainly not offended, but that's not the point. He's marketed himself to children, so he just can't do this type of stuff.

Thirdly, turn in your honorary badge. Does that mean it's one of those plastic ones?

http://sports.espn.go.com/nba/news/story?id=3459208

Donk Spotter

It’s a Dog Day Afternoon

2008-06-23T20:24:00Z

Or perhaps "Dawg Day", hopefully. And I suppose it's really more of an evening thing, but, either way, we've got an all Bulldog College World Series Championship Series coming up tonight at 7:00 ET (ESPN 2). Georgia and Fresno State, Vegas' two long-shots to win it all, have defied all odds this tournament. Fresno State has been particularly surprising. No Regional 4 seed had ever made it to Omaha, let alone the Championship Series, but I'm sincerely hoping their luck starts to run out tonight. On top of that, I'm not sure anyone could have predicted the "Big Browns" Miami, North Carolina, and Florida State dropped on us this CWS. I certainly didn't, but then I'm obviously not saying I'm all that disappointed either.

For various reasons, seeing my Dawgs take down the Heels would have been a bit sweeter, there's no denying that, but then I naturally have to like Georgia's chances against Fresno better. Despite how hot both of these teams are right now, it's inevitable that something's got to give, and the law of averages suggests it should be the "Underdogs to Wonderdogs" from out west. How many "superior" opponents can they continue to best? We'll see...

Kyle Shelton proves that success and failure are not necessarily mutually exclusive…

2008-06-23T13:57:00Z

Even simultaneous instances of such. Great catch, Kyle, but at what cost? At least this play, which I'm officially nominating for Face Plant of the Year, basically guarantees that Kyle Shelton will be seen on Megatrons in baseball parks around the country for the foreseeable future. Kyle Shelton and the San Diego Chicken: Joined for eternity. You're a utilitarian hero in that sense, Mr. Shelton. That wall may have simply left a mark on your face, but you and your brazen approach to tracking down foul balls have left a mark on the baseball universe, and that's something...even in the context of a 6-1 loss and being eliminated from the College World Series. God bless you, Kyle Shelton.