Rev. Wright Cuts Vacation Short to Remind American Voters that Barack Obama is Unelectable

Reverend Jeremiah Wright rushed back from his vacation in the Caribbean this week to make appearances on PBS with Bill Moyers and The National Press Club in order to reiterate that Barack Obama will be completely unelectable in the general election come this fall.

Compiled, en Frump, from field reports - "I just don't get you people," the reverend complained.  "I thought with all those sound bites of me saying G-D America, the US KKK of A and me blaming the government for 9/11 along with my antisemitic and anti-Italian remarks, that Americans had actually gotten my message."

"Barack Obama cannot win the general election," the Reverend continued.  "Believe me, I know.  I'm the man's spiritual advisor. I married Barack and his wife; I baptized their kids. Do you think anyone knows better than me that Barack doesn't have a snowball's chance in Hell of being the next president?  Especially considering all the hard work I've done to make sure that will never happen."

Wright says he's faced various setbacks in his mission to keep Obama out of the oval office, but claims that knowing when to shut up is not, in fact, something he's known for.  "When I saw Obama dropping in the polls, I figured that my work was done and I could hit the beach, but then to my absolute dismay I saw his numbers start to rebound!  It's like this entire country has A.D.D. or something.  You people just can't stay focused."

Seeing Obama's popularity grow even in the face of Senator Clinton's Pennsylvania victory, Reverend Wright says he now knows that he'll have to step up his game.  "I knew I had to cut my vacation short and get back here to really drive the point home," Wright said.  "How many people am I going to have to insult before you're all convinced that Obama is never going to be president?  Does anyone really think that the middle of the country is going to vote for Obama after I accuse the American government of inventing and then delibrately infecting the Black Community with the AIDS virus?  Come on people!"

Wright told Bill Moyer that Barack is actually "down" with his views, but has to fein denial for political reasons.  "He's a politician. I'm a pastor. Though our professions may share the quality of dishing out bullshit on a regular basis, we speak to two different audiences," the Reverend explained.  "Barack says what he has to say as a politician, and I raise the roof in God's house; it's the same, but different.  Ya dig?"  Reverend Wright elaborated: "Listen, I get asked about Barack's condemnation of my views all the time, and that's my canned response, but America knows the truth.  Did anyone see Obama seeking out another church to hit up on Sundays?  Yeah, right, I didn't think so."

Reverend Wright says he has no immediate plans to return to his vacation and promises to work even harder to make sure that White America is as afraid of Obama as they are of Osama. "I'm going to stay around and make as many public appearances, statements and hysterical rants necessary until it's absolutely certain that I have completely ruined any chance Barack Obama has of being President of this country. I'll piss off the Mexicans next if I have to."