http://www.frumpzilla.com/index.php Sports, Entertainment and Social Commentary from Unprofessional, Highly Irresponsible Sources en cehightower3@yahoo.com Copyright 2009 2009-07-02T14:53:00-05:00 http://www.frumpzilla.com/index.php/frumpzilla_site/hardees_gets_a_bit_cheeky_with_new_ad_campagin/ http://www.frumpzilla.com/index.php/frumpzilla_site/hardees_gets_a_bit_cheeky_with_new_ad_campagin/#When:14:53:00Z Hardees (don't ever call it Carl's Jr. around us) has come a long way since its humble beginnings in the scenic, cultural mecca that is Rocky Mount, North Carolina.  Apparently, however, solid, yet simple, hamburgers and all beef hot dogs, classic "Big" roast beef sandwiches, and tater tots don't really cut the mustard anymore.  Well, they haven't for awhile, I guess. Remember Hardees' relatively brief stint with fried chicken?  Some said it was better than KFC.  How about the Frisco Burger?  Still, quite possibly, the reigning champion in the "Most Likely to Trigger Spontaneous Cardiac Arrest" category at the Fast Food awards. More recently, though, Hardees has gone in a slightly different direction: Bigger, thicker, juicier meat (or cheese paper) that beautiful, scantily clad, women (or blue collar manual labor) are more than eager to wrap their hands around, get a little messy, and gobble down.  Hey, it works, right?  Pushing the envelope a bit, maybe, but who couldn't get behind that?  Well, someone in the marketing department, while certainly behind it, apparently felt they hadn't pushed quite hard enough; decided it was time to come out with a full on thrust... Apparently there's an entire lineup of these spots.  Make the Jump for some more...Oh, and make sure to visit NameOurHoles.com for even more.  Yeah, seriously... The Rest 2009-07-02T14:53:00-05:00 http://www.frumpzilla.com/index.php/frumpzilla_site/so_you_want_to_be_an_nfl_wr/ http://www.frumpzilla.com/index.php/frumpzilla_site/so_you_want_to_be_an_nfl_wr/#When:15:59:00Z Sure, we all do (don't we?), but we also need to be aware of the potential drawbacks.  It's true, as an NFL player you may get all the fancy ladies, and the clothes, and the free creams and lotions, but you could also end up with a finger like the Jags' Torry Holt down there (It looks like that permanently, Frumpsters).  Yeah, so for all of you out there thinking about  trying out at your favorite franchise's mini-camp this weekend, and I know there's at least handful of ya, consider this your public service announcement for the day foreseeable future.  Rumor has it that during Holt's days at N.C. State he used to tie one arm behind his back during receiving drills.  That may help explain things.  Either way, I'm adding this revelation to an already long list of reasons why I haven't made a living catching a lot of balls.  Make the jump for a clip of Torry discussing his "trophy" of a finger at a recent Jaguars press conference. Source: Jacksonville.com College Football, NFL 2009-05-01T15:59:00-05:00 http://www.frumpzilla.com/index.php/frumpzilla_site/its_secretaries_day_again/ http://www.frumpzilla.com/index.php/frumpzilla_site/its_secretaries_day_again/#When:13:29:00Z As most of our hundreds of thousands of readers have probably noticed, Frumpzilla has been on the mend for awhile now.  Still is, really, but, despite our current state of flux, we just couldn't resist paying homage to one of our favorite secular holidays.  We could, however, fail to come up with anything original, and instead recycle our incredibly popular Secretaries' Day article from last year.  Don't worry, though, the advice is still good...REALLY good, so enjoy celebrating Secretaries' Day 2009 with these helpful tips and suggestions...Use the link above, not the "Jump".  Best wishes, Frump... The Rest 2009-04-22T13:29:00-05:00 http://www.frumpzilla.com/index.php/frumpzilla_site/thanks_for_the_memories_xavier/ http://www.frumpzilla.com/index.php/frumpzilla_site/thanks_for_the_memories_xavier/#When:12:55:00Z Sean Miller's Xavier Musketeers put up a valiant effort in the Sweet 16 last night against #1 seeded Pitt, but, alas, it wasn't enough (and thankfully so for all 7 of my brackets).  Could the Musketeers have used Coach Miller himself out on the court last night?  Sounds crazy, but, after watching the video below, I'm leaning towards "Yes".  You know, I gave Xavier and its fanbase a pretty hard time last year after they ended my beloved Dawgs miraculous run to the Tourney.  I may never be able to forget the humping that went on in that game, but, now, I think I can at least forgive...   College Basketball 2009-03-27T12:55:00-05:00 http://www.frumpzilla.com/index.php/frumpzilla_site/a_walk_to_remember/ http://www.frumpzilla.com/index.php/frumpzilla_site/a_walk_to_remember/#When:13:20:00Z And not the lump of electronic poo based on one of Nicholas Sparks' gems.  I'm talking about that James Brown impression Jon Scheyer dazzled with yesterday in Blacksburg, VA.  Performance after the jump.He, no sh#t, travels five times in that clip--twice, pre-fouls and thrice, post-fouls.  So now we have alarming video proof for Elliott Williams and Jon Scheyer.  Who's next? Donk Spotter College Basketball, Kissed With Apocalypse 2009-03-01T13:20:00-05:00 http://www.frumpzilla.com/index.php/frumpzilla_site/because_i_felt_compelled_to_do_somethingyou_can_frump_us_later/ http://www.frumpzilla.com/index.php/frumpzilla_site/because_i_felt_compelled_to_do_somethingyou_can_frump_us_later/#When:22:39:00Z Well, not us, YouTube I guess, but damn. There's really not much that needs to be said here.  Just watch... The Rest, Kissed With Apocalypse 2009-02-26T22:39:00-05:00 http://www.frumpzilla.com/index.php/frumpzilla_site/yeah_im_a_dad_what_of_it/ http://www.frumpzilla.com/index.php/frumpzilla_site/yeah_im_a_dad_what_of_it/#When:15:33:00Z Do you remember what you did for fun when you were 12?  Neither do I.  However, I'm pretty sure it involved playing some bball with my buddies or trading baseball cards, definitely not making the babies.  The same cannot be said for Alfie Patten, a 13 year old british lad(who looks closer to 7 than 13) as he has recently knocked up his gorgeous 15 year old lady.  Proof of her classic beauty after the jump in the Sun link. As a buddy of mine says, "I'm not in the judgement bidness", however this is regahdamdiculous!!  I'm 28 and to be honest, it's a struggle sometimes to take care of myself sometimes.  Normally when the unfortunate get pregnant too early, we talk about how it's a shame they'll never get to experience college without the responsibilities no 18 or 19 year old should bear.  In said case, this poor kid won't get to experience the 7th friggin grade without those responsibilities.  Sorry, this is my first post back in awhile and I'm just at a loss for words.  I'm confused as to whether I should try to be funny(notice I said try) or if I should just cry for humanity.  Links to articles and videos after the jump.  I'm done.  The SUN UK link...who obviously don't like me stealing their photos, so I also had to go through the link below.  Might as well include that as well. http://news.ninemsn.com.au/world/753177/boy-13-did-father-baby-teen-mum Kissed With Apocalypse 2009-02-17T15:33:00-05:00 http://www.frumpzilla.com/index.php/frumpzilla_site/possibly_the_greatest_music_video_for_any_original_network_television_score/ http://www.frumpzilla.com/index.php/frumpzilla_site/possibly_the_greatest_music_video_for_any_original_network_television_score/#When:22:10:00Z But please don't take that assessment the wrong way, Frumpsters.  With those qualifiers, such a video could still be, generally speaking, pretty damn shitty, and that's basically what we have after the jump.  So yeah, a trusted source just informed me that North Carolina State alumnus John Tesh is responsible for that envigorating, nearly unforgettable jam/theme song for the "NBA on NBC".  Yes, Wolfpackers, I'm afraid it's true, and on both counts. Now, if an acquaintance, or even a complete stranger, had told me that over a pint or ten down at the local watering hole, I'd of called them a bald-faced liar and asked them to kindly leave.  Otherwise, fistifcuffs would almost certainly ensue, and understandably so. I mean, I just don't take the alleged association of things like competitive sports and John Tesh lightly, and I've always felt such sentiment was perfectly reasonable...UNTIL NOW      You know, for me to believe such a claim under normal circumstances, it would probably take seeing documented video evidence of Tesh telling a capacity crowd how he composed the basic idea for the theme in his head; was so excited about it that he had to call his answering machine at home to preserve an oral, auditory record of his inspiration; prove that he did this by presenting the original recording on his answering machine to the audience; and then perform the fruits of said inspiration, the whole damn tour de force, live, complete with a small orchestra, dueling violin and guitar, and, of course, air dribbling.  Well, Frumpsters, rarely has the phrase "Be careful what you wish for" possessed greater meaning to me than it does right now...I'm not sure whether it's the air dribbling, the remarkable "Teshing" that's going on between the 3:22 and 3:29 marks, the mutual musical masturbation by the fiddler and guitarist around 2:45 through 3:15, or maybe just the fiddler's own bit of "Teshing" around the 2 minute mark and continued around 2:20-2:24, but, my god, that video is simply amazing.  Rarely can something blow so amazingly hard, and yet still inspire one to go dunk on some needy kids down at the youth center (9 foot goal).  Thank you, John Tesh, in more ways than one... NBA, The Rest, Kissed With Apocalypse 2009-02-16T22:10:00-05:00 http://www.frumpzilla.com/index.php/frumpzilla_site/dating_advice_courtesey_of_frumpzillas_ever_listening_ear/ http://www.frumpzilla.com/index.php/frumpzilla_site/dating_advice_courtesey_of_frumpzillas_ever_listening_ear/#When:19:04:00Z Well, Frumpsters, Valentine's Day is right around the corner tomorrow, and I'm fairly certain there are quite a few lonely hearts out there that could use a little help landing a last second date.  Sure, you could pick up a Cosmo, or Men's Health or something on your way out the grocery store, or maybe try to squeeze in a marathon of that weirdo on VH1, but all that costs valuable time and money, and who really wants to expend any more of such resources than you already have to on a date, let alone one on Valentine's Day. Unfortunately, I'm confident that I'm in no position to give anyone dating advice, far from it, actually, but I do know "good" advice when I hear it...even if I have to eavesdrop, which is what I did on my lunch break the other day... (More after the Jump)So yeah, I'm enjoying my weekly to bi-weekly culinary sampling of Wendy's 99 cent, Super Value Menu (it's a tough economy, people), when two employees from the adjacent Captain D's walk over to apparently partake of the same.  I assume they either don't comp your meals at Captain D's, or that the food is just that much better at Wendy's.  My guess is the latter, but, either way, that's neither here nor there.  Anyway, after getting their grub, these two grab a table within earshot of the large corner booth that I'd claimed for myself and my Crispy Chicken Sandwich, and, not too long after digging in, begin a rather intriguing discussion.  Apparently one of these heartbreakers was rather anxious about asking his most recent crush out on a date.  Being slight of build, somewhat funny looking, even ill-gened perhaps, and exuding an inescapable essence of social awkwardness, he'd of fit right in here at Frumpzilla.  Understandable, then, that he was soliciting some friendly advice from his, presumably more seasoned, companion; a young man that, although somewhat of a caricature, cleary considered and carried himself as a bit of a player... The following dialogue is based on an actual conversation.  It has been reconstructued, and perhaps polished up a bit, to the best of my recollection. Only the names have been changed, because, well, I don't know the real names: Alphonso [The player, putting his junior bacon cheeseburger down in anticipation of a lengthy discussion]: Here's what you do, man.  Call her up and say "Hey, Vonda.  I'd really like to meet you out for a drink."  That's it, man.  That's all you gotta do. Baxter [the would be Frumpzilla intern, soaking it all in]: That's it?  That easy, huh?  Okay, but I don't know where to say we should meet up. Alphonso: Doesn't matter.  Just make sure it's some place crowded, and kinda loud.  Now, you'll need to get there early, though.  You need to be there before she gets there, and get a seat where you'll be able to see her when she walks in. Baxter [still intrigued, noisily slurping down the remnants of his Biggie soda]: Okay... Alphonso: Okay, now, when she comes in, meet her in the middle of the bar, before she can get to the table.  Stare at her, dead in the eyes, for about 5 seconds, make her REALLY uncomfortable... Baxter [confused (as am I)]: Huh? Heh-heh, you're joking, right? Alphonso: No, dude, just listen.  Alright, after you're done breaking her down, say "This is what's going to happen: First, I'm going to take you back to my place, and pour REALLY hot cocoa butter all over your body, after that I'm going to...", well, wait, what's this chick like?  I mean, is she, you know, all sweet and innocent like, or is she a slut? Baxter [1/2 laughing, 1/2 mortified]: Uhhh, I don't know, dude, what the hell are you... Alphonso [interjecting, beginning to show signs of frustration]: Dude, do you want my help or not?  I mean, do you really want to compare resumes here?  I think I may know what I'm talking about, okay? Better than you at least, right? Baxter [conceding the point]: Yeah, man, yeah.  It's just, you know, this is all new to me, and, to be honest, it sounds kinda f*cked up... Alphonso [apparently understanding how someone like Baxter (and me) must be feeling right now]: It's cool, man.  Just trust me, I wouldn't lead you astray.  Okay, so is she a good girl or a common whore? Baxter [emotionally exhausted]: I don't know, man. I mean, I don't know her that well, you know?.  I was kinda just thinking dinner and a movie here... Alphonso [amused]: Dinner and a movie?  What, are you trying to marry this girl or something [laughs to himself]?  Dude, at this point, you should just be worrying about trying to get a piece, alright?  All that dinner and a movie stuff comes later. Baxter: Well, I guess you're right.  I mean, I'm not trying to marry her, and it's been a long time since, you know... Alphonso [even more amused]: Right, heh-heh, yeah, I KNOW. Well, I'll just give you the options, then:  If she's the whore we all hope she is, you go with this after the cocoa butter bit: "...I'm gonna f*&! the sh*t out of you all night long"; if she's nice and innocent, just say "...I'm gonna make sweet, sweet love to you all night long", got it?  Same thing, you know, just, like, phrased a different way. Baxter: Uhhh, yeah, I guess... Alphonso: Okay, then you say "After that, we'll have a glass or two, and I'll smoke a cigarette..." Baxter: But I don't smoke... Alphonso [Hangs head down, fully frustrated]: You're killin' me, man.  Seriously, just work with me here, alright?  Roll with it.  Pick up a pack of Parliaments from the BP over there or something, I don't care, but your attitude is starting to make me wonder why I'm even helping you in the first place. Baxter [uncomfortably apologetic]: Yeah, sorry, that was stupid. I'll try not to interrupt anymore. Alphonso: It's cool, man, just chill, I'm almost done anyway.  Okay, so after that you say "Then we'll make love again, grab a bath, and after that I'll ask you to leave...And I'll never acknowledge your existence again for the rest of my life." Baxter [after about a 5-10 second period of silence]: Uhhh, then what? Alphonso: That's it, then you take her home. Baxter [in mild shock]: Dude, you're telling me that works? Alphonso [confidently]: Hey, it does for me.  Let me know how it goes...So, there you have it, Frumpsters.  Now, I may never know whether "Alphonso" was being serious, or simply trying to set his hapless friend up for a swift kick in the nuts.  Regardless, for our purposes here, I guess that really doesn't matter.  I'm sure that type of approach may work wonders on the right kind of woman, but I wouldn't know. I'm also not particularly willing to find out, but that shouldn't stop any of you from exploring such possibilities.  Let us know how your experience goes in the comments section.  Happy Valentine's Day, and good luck! The Rest, Kissed With Apocalypse 2009-02-13T19:04:00-05:00 http://www.frumpzilla.com/index.php/frumpzilla_site/joaquin_phoenix_on_letterman_im_the_metaphysical_offspring_of_john_lennon_j/ http://www.frumpzilla.com/index.php/frumpzilla_site/joaquin_phoenix_on_letterman_im_the_metaphysical_offspring_of_john_lennon_j/#When:17:37:00Z Okay, that's not actually a direct quote, but it might as well have been.  Whether it's drugs, anxiety, or just another tragic case of Christian Bale Disease (extremely over-inflated sense of self-worth), Joaquin Phoenix put on quite a show on Letterman last night.  Then again, maybe that's just it; it's all an act.  Is Phoenix the one that's really laughing here?  Very well could be, but who cares.  For now, I'm just going to assume that he takes himself this seriously, it makes it so much better.  I'm also going to assume he's an ass, which may be true regardless of what theory you subscribe to.  A bigger ass than Letterman? Not sure, that's for you to decide.  Make the jump for the video, where Joaquin mumbles about his dreams of becoming the world's first Method Rapper... (thanks DS)   +    +    =   Pop Rocks 2009-02-12T17:37:00-05:00