Claudia Trying to Slim the Pockets

"Homie don't play that." Homey D. Clown

Dear friend (Um...what's your name),
  

My name is Claudia Mafikeng the eldest daughter of
Mr.John Mafikeng of Zimbabwe.It might be a surprise to
you where I got your contact address but I got your
contact address from the Johannesburg Chambers of
Trade and Commerce. (Yeah, business has been going extremely well in South Africa!)
 
During the current crises against the farmers of
Zimbabwe by the supporters of our President Robert
Mugabe to claim  the  farms in our
country, he ordered all the  farmers to surrender
their farms to his party members and their
followers.My father was one of the best farmers in the
country and knowing that he did not support the
Presidents political ideology, the Presidents
supporters invaded my fathers farm burnt down
everything, killed him and confiscated all his
investments. (Real story. I doubt it happened to you.)
 
After the death of my father, my mother and I with my
younger brother decided to move out of Zimbabwe for
the safety of our lives. We took along with us the
money my father kept in the safe in my mothers
house,which amounted to the sum of US$16.7Million
(sixteen Million,Seven Hundred Thousand Dollars) to
the Republic of South Africa.where we now seek political asylum. the
money has been tranfered to a financial house overseas. (Can you say money laundering? If you have $16.7 mil then why don't you go to Deutsche Bank or something. The Rock is international and culturally diverse.)  
 
My Mother and I have decided to contact any reliable
overseas firm who could assist us to claim this
money out from the financial house because we as asylum seeker
here in South Africa we are not allowed certain
financial rights like operating a bank account.
We need you to open a non-resident account through which this fund
will be channeled out to your nominated overseas
account.

(Ok. You cannot operate a bank account but you managed to get $16.7 mil into a "financial house." Also, you want to convert all your money into dollars when the Euro is the currency of choice.) 

 
If my preposition is considered, for assisting
us to transfer this money to your country, we will
offer you USD 3million dollars of the total fund, while me and my
family will like to invest in your country under your guidance
and assistance.

(Preposition? Sure. How about your just send me a Money Gram first?) 
 
This transaction is 100% risk free.Your urgent
response back to me at() will be highly appreciated.
anxiously waiting for your reply. thank  you.

(Sure....nothing is 100% risk free. Besides, you cannot get a bank account anywhere but you want me to open one up. Yeah, that sounds like money laundering. Although, we all know that you don't have any money in the first place. Get a job ya bum! 

 
iafrica.com/news/specialreport/zimbabwe/226559.htm <http://iafrica.com/news/specialreport/zimbabwe/226559.htm>  
http://www.guardian.co.uk/weblog/special/0,10627,536901,00.html  

Best regards,
Claudia Mafikeng.
For the family. 

(Send a pic next time claudia.)