http://www.frumpzilla.com/index.php/spamalot A collection of of the very best, most unprofessional Spam emails flooding our mailboxes. en jason4r@hotmail.com Copyright 2008 2008-05-25T12:57:00-05:00 http://www.frumpzilla.com/index.php/spamalot/claudia_trying_to_slim_the_pockets/ http://www.frumpzilla.com/index.php/spamalot/claudia_trying_to_slim_the_pockets/#When:11:57:00Z "Homie don't play that." Homey D. ClownDear friend (Um...what's your name),   My name is Claudia Mafikeng the eldest daughter of Mr.John Mafikeng of Zimbabwe.It might be a surprise to you where I got your contact address but I got your contact address from the Johannesburg Chambers of Trade and Commerce. (Yeah, business has been going extremely well in South Africa!)   During the current crises against the farmers of Zimbabwe by the supporters of our President Robert Mugabe to claim  the  farms in our country, he ordered all the  farmers to surrender their farms to his party members and their followers.My father was one of the best farmers in the country and knowing that he did not support the Presidents political ideology, the Presidents supporters invaded my fathers farm burnt down everything, killed him and confiscated all his investments. (Real story. I doubt it happened to you.)   After the death of my father, my mother and I with my younger brother decided to move out of Zimbabwe for the safety of our lives. We took along with us the money my father kept in the safe in my mothers house,which amounted to the sum of US$16.7Million (sixteen Million,Seven Hundred Thousand Dollars) to the Republic of South Africa.where we now seek political asylum. the money has been tranfered to a financial house overseas. (Can you say money laundering? If you have $16.7 mil then why don't you go to Deutsche Bank or something. The Rock is international and culturally diverse.)     My Mother and I have decided to contact any reliable overseas firm who could assist us to claim this money out from the financial house because we as asylum seeker here in South Africa we are not allowed certain financial rights like operating a bank account. We need you to open a non-resident account through which this fund will be channeled out to your nominated overseas account. (Ok. You cannot operate a bank account but you managed to get $16.7 mil into a "financial house." Also, you want to convert all your money into dollars when the Euro is the currency of choice.)    If my preposition is considered, for assisting us to transfer this money to your country, we will offer you USD 3million dollars of the total fund, while me and my family will like to invest in your country under your guidance and assistance. (Preposition? Sure. How about your just send me a Money Gram first?)    This transaction is 100% risk free.Your urgent response back to me at(mafikengsneedhelp@yahoo.ie) will be highly appreciated. anxiously waiting for your reply. thank  you. (Sure....nothing is 100% risk free. Besides, you cannot get a bank account anywhere but you want me to open one up. Yeah, that sounds like money laundering. Although, we all know that you don't have any money in the first place. Get a job ya bum!    iafrica.com/news/specialreport/zimbabwe/226559.htm <http://iafrica.com/news/specialreport/zimbabwe/226559.htm>   http://www.guardian.co.uk/weblog/special/0,10627,536901,00.html     Best regards, Claudia Mafikeng. For the family.  (Send a pic next time claudia.) 2008-05-25T11:57:00-05:00 http://www.frumpzilla.com/index.php/spamalot/adventures_of_my_giant_mighty_soldier/ http://www.frumpzilla.com/index.php/spamalot/adventures_of_my_giant_mighty_soldier/#When:16:13:01Z You aint no tiny cocktail sausage, you can be the fat bratwurst with our concoction. If only they'd used our favorite alternative spelling of "concoction"... 2008-04-22T16:13:01-05:00 http://www.frumpzilla.com/index.php/spamalot/luther_krueger_kicks_the_bucket/ http://www.frumpzilla.com/index.php/spamalot/luther_krueger_kicks_the_bucket/#When:11:53:00Z Chi-ching. Winner, Winner, Chicken Dinner. Get rich by checking email. Not really but wouldn't that be sweet.    MANAGING PARTNER   J. FREDRICK & ASSOCIATES LONDON_ UK. NOTICE OF BEQUEST On behalf of the Trustees and Executor of the estate of Late Engr. Luther Krüger, I once again try to notify you as my earlier letter returned undelivered. I hereby attempt to reach you again by this same email address on the WILL.   Other words, I have no idea who you are silly American, so I play it off by not mentioning a name. It's common for email addresses to be in wills too. Old man Kruger is in your Myspace Top 8.    I wish to notify you that Late Engr. Luther Krüger made you a beneficiary to his WILL.He left the sum of Twenty two million five hundred thousand United States Dollars ($22,500.000.00USD) to you in the codicil and last testament to his WILL.   Yup, Old Man Kruger made you a beneficiary in a will for $22 mil. We're couldn't find your publicly listed phone number or address. However, we were able to find your email address. Jrock was the bounty of old man Kruger's affection. He must have seen my Blackplanet profile back in college.     This may sound strange and unbelievable to you, but it is real and true. Being a widely travelled man, he must have been in contact with you in the past or simply you were recommended to him by one of his numerous friends abroad who wished you good.   This is totally a scam. However, maybe, silly American your pitiful public education and terrible recession bound economy will weaken an entire hemisphere of your brain. Besides, maybe, I ran into him at Six Flags.  Engr. Luther Krüger had a very good heart and was a philantropist. His great philanthropy earned him numerous awards during his life time. In dedicating this funds to you and other beneficiaries, he instructed that you are to use part of the funds to promote his legacy through activities that aim to help the old, poor, needy and disabled in the society. Late Krügers' legacy is the love of charity.   We're hedging you're not a total a-hole and maybe your bleeding heart will cloud the obvious scam we're trying to pull off here. Imagine all the Krispy Kremes you can buy the obese American youth!  Late Engr. Luther Krüger died on the 12th day of March, 2006 at the age of 80 years, and his WILL is now ready for execution. According to him this money is to support your humanitarian activities and to help the poor and the needy in our society.   We're ready to take your money or steal your identity now. You really will be able to help people on the Gulf Coast, stop genocide in Darfur, Free Tibet, fight human trafficking, restore the nation's parks, and protest future Nick Cannon movies. We promise -fingers crossed-   Please if I reach you this time as I am hopeful, endeavor to get back to me as soon as possible to enable me conclude my job.   Write back, so I can stop randomly spamming people. I just signed up for this gig to afford an iPhone and a X-Box Live subscription. Besides, I need another story to share at the pub about stupid and ignorant Americans. I detest America for sending us the Miami Dolphins.  I hope to hear from you in no distant time through the email address below.   "No distant time"...ah, I'm a poet at heart. Liberal Arts degrees don't get you crap.  Email: johnfredrick_chambers2@yahoo.co.uk Yours in Service, Elizabeth Henry Secretary To- John Fredrick QC. MANAGING PARTNERS/ASSOCIATES   "Yours in Service"...Go get an Einstein bagel. I got your service and it's certified for an @$$ whooping.    2008-04-12T11:53:00-05:00 http://www.frumpzilla.com/index.php/spamalot/increase_its_length_by_2_3_inches/ http://www.frumpzilla.com/index.php/spamalot/increase_its_length_by_2_3_inches/#When:19:56:01Z Emphasize your affiliation with masculine gender by fuller and longer main feature! Don't trouble yourself with our offer, if you wish to stay a loser!We know we haven't been updating Spamalot as much as you'd like lately, but that's not by choice.  The spammers simply haven't been delivering the goods as of late, nothing that's been Spamalot worthy anyway.  Rest assured however, we scour through 100's if not 1,000's of spam a day searching for that special one or two that will truly hit the spot.  We get tons that are a killer line or two away from making it on here, but, in the end, simply come up short, so to speak... We liked this one for a couple reasons.  For one, it correctly points out that man's affiliation with his own gender is in fact emphasized via his connection to and with his "main feature."  We also particularly enjoyed the fact that the author takes a somewhat novel approach to marketing: Insulting your target audience.  Brilliant... 2008-04-07T19:56:01-05:00 http://www.frumpzilla.com/index.php/spamalot/gain_the_monstrous_dimensions/ http://www.frumpzilla.com/index.php/spamalot/gain_the_monstrous_dimensions/#When:15:03:00Z Hear your gf scream as she gets stuck deep with your immeasurable love wand! Initiate positive transformations in your close relationships!  This gem was sent in by one of Frumpzilla's readers.  Thanks for spamming us!  We like this one, because it reads like it came out of an unprofessional, highly irresponsible, scrapped chapter of "The Celestine Prophecy".   "Initiate  positive transformations in your close relationships!". . . Self-Actualizaiton at it's finest.   Somewhere, Carl Rogers is smiling... 2008-03-15T15:03:00-05:00 http://www.frumpzilla.com/index.php/spamalot/small_instrument_is_not_a_problem/ http://www.frumpzilla.com/index.php/spamalot/small_instrument_is_not_a_problem/#When:14:59:00Z You dont like your ma|e machinne size. Girls laugh at you. Dont waste time you can solve this trouble right now. Try our shlong enlargement and women will love you sure enough. I have tried! Today it is your turn to change your sexual life.   2008-03-15T14:59:00-05:00 http://www.frumpzilla.com/index.php/spamalot/do_you_want_to_increase_your_male_device_length/ http://www.frumpzilla.com/index.php/spamalot/do_you_want_to_increase_your_male_device_length/#When:15:04:00Z Now it's time to change your sexual life. The preferences of big jang: Women will drive mad with you! Wives will cum 3 or 4 times during the night. You will be a giant of bad. It ups to you what to do to lengthenn or to be a looser with small length.  And the hits just keep on coming.  I have to believe they've got Borat drafting these things in WordPad on a 1994 Compaq Presario; just chruning 'em out by the 100's, like Hallmark greeting cards or something.  I'm not sure if it's the sheer absurdity of the actual content, or the broken English, or both, but there's just something kinda magical going on here.   Keep up the good work... 2008-03-14T15:04:00-05:00 http://www.frumpzilla.com/index.php/spamalot/huge_machine_is_your_luxury/ http://www.frumpzilla.com/index.php/spamalot/huge_machine_is_your_luxury/#When:19:58:00Z Try new technology of instrumennt increasing. The preferences of this method: * Lengthenn 3+ Inches in length. * Increasse Your machine Width (Girth) By upto 20%. * Help_Stop_Premature_Ejaculation! * Your girlfriend will cum more often * Erection_will_be_mush_harder * Doctor Approved And Recommended   2008-03-13T19:58:00-05:00 http://www.frumpzilla.com/index.php/spamalot/most_popular_jang_enlargement/ http://www.frumpzilla.com/index.php/spamalot/most_popular_jang_enlargement/#When:18:58:00Z I found very interesting thing and admire to adviseyou about it. Before I started to use this thing my ma|e machinne was too small. I lengthened my shlong. P.S Now I can cum 7 times during the night. Do you fell the difference?  Our inaugural post in the new Spamalot section of the site, and a good one if I might add.  In case some of you out there are associated with the spelling and/or grammar police (you know who you are...), the above is taken verbatim from the spam. We're unprofessional here at Frumpzilla.com, we readily admit that, we may even be proud of it in some strange way, but that's just ridiculous.  Moreover, regardless, we do not apologize in the slightest for any spelling and/or grammatical errors found anywhere within the site.  But we're sure you already knew that... 2008-03-12T18:58:00-05:00