So, The GingerHead Man contacted me today from Kuala Lumpur (he’s still on vacay). Apparently, during his semi-daily perusal of Deadspin, he’d come across this fantastic video of “Norm the Umpire” breaking dozens of kids’ spirits — as any truly accomplished, melodramatic umpire should — on a weekly basis.
Well, this naturally gave rise to yet another discussion about my and The GingerHead Man’s lifelong ambition of one day becoming volunteer Little League umpires, and doing the exact same thing. Only better. That’s right, better.
Don’t get us wrong, Norm is pretty dang good, but he ain’t the best. We open our case with what I like to call “The Macarena Master.” Make the jump for several more…
This next guy goes for the left cross instead of the right jab…
It’s always good to have an uppercut in the repertoire as well…
Body blow! With barking, of course…
If you’re not properly trained in the martial arts (you should be), don’t underestimate the effect of simply taunting the team whose batter just struck out on a called third strike…
You could always just do some crazy ass sh*t like this guy, too…
Or this guy…
And don’t fret if you don’t happen to get that coveted called third strike. Foul tips work, too…in Softball.
Just never forget that the most important rule, by far, is to simply take yourself — and your role as a recreational league umpire — way too seriously. Or at least create such an impression…
If you can somehow master all of these skills, and employ them on a regular basis, I personally guarantee that you’ll be making 12 year-olds cry — not to mention enjoying some good, old fashioned fisticuffs with some overly zealous dads — in no time. Who knows; one day you might just end up as good as this guy…
12. May 2010 at 2:39 pm
how do you DARE post this while leaving out the craziest umpire ever - Leslie Nielson in Naked Gun.
for shame.
just for that, you have to do a separate post explaining yourself.
12. May 2010 at 2:53 pm
Edited to add Detective Frank Dreban. Good call, so to speak…