Frumpzilla

Occasionally Frump comes across something that really just makes us smile — while shaking our heads. Take this email (after the jump) from the “Team Chi OMyGod” listserv for the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill Chapter of Chi Omega.

Apparently sisters [Reference removed by request], [Reference Removed by Request] and [Reference Removed by Request] — all admitted “Jersey Chasers” — took Tar Heel favorites Kendall Marshall, Harrison Barnes and Long John Henson to Spring Formal.

Pretty dang exciting for the girls of Chi Omega (and their “jock sniffing” dates), eh? Sure, but there were rules, you see. Rules that had to be followed — at least while the cameras were rolling…

Frump’s comments in red.

From: [Reference Removed by Request] [Contact Removed]
Date: March 30, 2011 4:30:19 PM EDT
To: “The ChiO Mailing List” [Contact Removed]
Subject: [chio] Tomorrow Night’s Mantra: Keep Your Cool & Respect Yourself
Reply-To: “The ChiO Mailing List” [Contact Removed]

Dear TEAM CHI OMYGOD,

OMG, indeed

As the rumors have said - I am taking Kendall Marshall, Harrison Barnes, and John Henson with [Reference Removed by Request] and [Reference Removed by Request] for Formal.

Congratulations!

I have told the boys that there is a band and a lot of fun so I expect it to be but I do not want to see celebrity shocked drunkies because they are never fun. To honor each of our guests that are attending, please respect your dates, respect yourselves, and respect Chi Omega’s efforts to pull this off tomorrow night.

On the contrary, celebrity shocked drunkies can be tons of fun depending on the context. Frump knows this all too well…

Please respect the following list of things that are important to me:

- Please DON’T Take a picture of them with ALCOHOL nearby or in the photo - I will be placing my drinks down when I am photographed next to them. We ALL have brilliant FUTURES so try to nip the the Life-Ruining photos in the bud. We are a family, not a tabloid magazine. Just keep in mind that Coach Williams/all Carolina fans
worldwide will not be happy if we screw up their reputations and sink Chi O as a sorority.

The author is apparently under the impression that Prohibition will be “back in” this Fall. Besides, I think Rashad and James McCants can handle screwing up Roy Williams’ reputation on their own…

-Please DON’T Ask them if they are going to the NBA - PLEASE TELL YOUR DATES NOT TO ASK THEM THIS EITHER - Boys are just as much jock sniffers as we are jersey chasers. Just play cool…

Remember all the hysteria a few weeks ago about how shallow and base frat boys are ? I guess it’s time to expand it to the entire Greek system — or maybe just humanity in general. Either way, if a question about these “boys’” NBA futures is out of bounds, I suspect there’s going to be a LOT of stoppage in play…

- Please don’t leave your dates to ask mine annoying questions, they are human and actually quite young in age - no need to scare them. They will probably take pictures but be kind but I will be posing in all the pictures. I will welcome all high fives.

Read: While there’s certainly enough to go around, the author wants Harrison and Co. all to herself (feel free to high-five her on her conquest, however)

- PLEASE DO NOT Force drinks on them (they should not be drinking as they are UNDER 21!!!! and FULL OF POTENTIAL!! maybe you are in that category too…passionate and full of potential is way hotter than illegally boozy)

Passionate and full of potential is way hotter than illegally boozy only when your “target” — or in this case “jersey” — happens to be stone cold sober and/or is not the least bit interested in running a “Box and One,” so to speak. If that’s a chance you and your fellow jersey chasers are willing to take with this golden opportunity, I admire your idealism.

- Don’t stare too hard at them - have fun it’s a party let’s not make them feel too godlike I mean after all they were lucky enough to get asked to this function!

No comment.

I want these boys to see how awesome Chi O is and thus we will be rising to the top of the cool charts. They are going to “other” formals Saturday and I dont want to hear that Chi O’s were too crazy and the “others” were better. No sir - Chi O will be #1 in their hearts.

Notwithstanding that “cool charts” comment, I’m sensing some serious hostility between Chi O and “other” sororities in Chapel Hill. Has someone been hogging all the “jerseys” for themselves?

Sooo please use your manners, your swagger, and your grace to have an excellent time tomorrow night! X and a Horseshoe and social media for life!
[The Author]

Ahhh, the unintentional foreshadowing…

[The Author]
[Reference Removed by Request]
[Reference Removed by Request]

***Contact information removed***

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Thanks to JCM (?) and The Admiral for the tips…