Alex Jones wants you to know that Justin Bieber is pure evil, and may or may not be part of a globalist plot to overthrow American society

Tue, Feb 22, 2011 at 9:13 am ET

Kissed With Apocalypse, The Rest

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Alex Jones says Justin Bieber is pure evil, and it's just a matter of time before he asks kids to turn in their guns

Justin Bieber making the hand sign for "pure evil" -- also rumored to be the title of his next album.

I’ve never really listened to Alex Jones, or spent much time on any of his websites, but, god bless him, I suppose I might have to now — for the lulz, I mean.

Seriously, I’ve heard some good rants on the relative lack of depth and character present in today’s youth, but — if only for its comedic utility and novelty — the genius expressed via seamlessly weaving references to Ferdinand Magellan; Justin Bieber; Nikola Tesla; Lady Gaga; Thomas Jefferson; and (perhaps most irrelevant to the target of Jones’ rant) Michael Jordan is something that merits special attention.

Unfortunately, I’m not sure Mr. Jones shares my perspective on this. In fact, I have a eerie feeling the man might actually be somewhat serious about that little diatribe up there. Yes, even the emphasis implied by all the screaming and yelling, and especially the bit about Magellan. Yowzers.

With that in mind, I’ve decided it’s only fair to break down Jones’ argument a bit more after the jump. Especially considering how easy it is to (dis)miss his point in the wake of what might reasonably be mistaken for a mild psychotic episode…

Okay, kids. Don’t be frightened by Mr. Jones’ little meltdown up there. Remember: He’s not angry with you — he’s angry with the globalists.

You know, the mass network of people, government organizations, and corporations out to turn you into lobotomized, “jealous, stunted, weak, back-stabbing, gibbering demons?” Right, I imagine Mr. Jones covered them in one of his previous lessons.

So, since we don’t want you to become yet another globalist zombie, just remember these important principles:

Things that are “not cool,” and likely part of a globalist conspiracy to destroy you and the future of America

  • Football
  • Basketball
  • Lady Gaga
  • Justin Bieber
  • Michael Jordan

Things that will spare you from your impending doom at the hands of the wicked globalists, i.e. things that are “cooler” than Justin Bieber

    Of course Ferdinand Magellan is cooler than Justin Bieber

    To be fair, even though he never actually circumnavigated the globe -- nor intended to -- Ferdinand Magellan was kind of a big deal. How he tasted according to the Mactan warriors that ate him has been lost to history, however.

  • Thomas Jefferson
  • Nikola Tesla
  • Ferdinand Magellan
  • Circumnavigating the globe on one ship
  • Being killed by “wild natives” in the Philippines
  • Going into space (literally, I presume)
  • Mathematics
  • Quantum mechanics
  • The secrets of the universe

Things to look out for; signs that the globalist coup is imminent, and thus it’s time to head for the hills

  • Justin Bieber asking you to turn in your guns
  • Justin Bieber announcing his support of the Cyber Security Act
  • Justin Bieber offering a general endorsement of police states

Class dismissed!

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3 Responses to “Alex Jones wants you to know that Justin Bieber is pure evil, and may or may not be part of a globalist plot to overthrow American society”

  1. T-Rex Says:

    Wow!! Talk about unlocking your human potential!?! Can you say heart attack?

  2. Nice Try Says:

    Pop culture is an essential tool for desensitizing and dehumanizing the youth of the west. Turning them into gibbering demons of self interest and self objectification. Ya this jones rant is far too specific but the underlining message in it is spot on. Are you trying to say it is better for the youth to spend their time watching football and obsessing over celebrity rather then learn about the great thinkers and inventors that have made it possible for us to live in this time of rampant decadence? You take a 3 minute clip out of hundreds of hours of broadcasts from a radio show and then presume to dismiss the point that pop culture is destroying the moral fabric of our once get nation in 3 sarcastic paragraphs. Nice try tool bag

  3. Robert Says:

    He was saying how Magellan is a lot more interesting than stupid Justin Bieber that all these girls look up to. You can use the media to destroy society. Say that sex is cool and ok go have sex with everyone. Media makes drugs look cool but then you get thrown in prison for doing them. They make violence look cool and war look cool etc…

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