Seriously, what is it with men from Ohio and their apparently insatiable desire to slip the low bone to inanimate objects?
Remember our friend Art Price, Jr. of Bellevue, Ohio? Mr. Price had a thing for picnic tables, you see, and wasn’t particularly shy about it.
Not to be outdone, Richard Elwood Sanden, 55, of Geneva, Ohio, decided to up the ante. His inanimate taboo lover, unlike Mr. Price’s table, was once full of life, however. The life of one Rebecca Whitehead.
Don’t freak out, though — they were in a relationship. Oh, and he didn’t know she was dead. So…
According to the The Washington-Times Herald:
Sanden told police that he met Whitehead on a telephone dateline and had known her for three and a half months. He told police that the two were having sexual relations up until he noticed she was not breathing and called an ambulance. The last time he spoke to Whitehead was at 8 p.m.
Sanden said he did not notice she was dead and as soon as he realized, he performed CPR on her. He also told police that the two had been drinking and smoking marijuana. During a search of the apartment, officers found a video camera. Sanden said he had moved the camera into the bedroom so the EMT would not see it.
Believe it or not, Sanden’s the Good Samaritan that actually called the cops and paramedics to the scene. But then no good deed goes unpunished these days, does it.
After reviewing the video footage of the couple’s exploits, Sanden — originally charged only with possession of marijuana, drug paraphernalia, and “abuse of a corpse” — added necrophilia and “mutilating a corpse” (bravo) to his rap sheet.
The additional charges apparently upped Sanden’s bond from $4,500 to $500,000.
So, let this be a lesson to all you kids out there: First and foremost, necrophilia is bad. Very, very, bad.
That said, if you simply can’t control yourself when you happen to be down in the morgue, or something, just remember to take it nice and easy. Assuming you want to make bail, that is.