Frumpzilla

Glory Holes Rampant on LSU’s Campus

As if LSU officials, staff and faithful didn’t have enough on their hands with preparing for this weekend’s college football opener against the North Carolina Tar Heels, it now appears that combating the blight of “Glory Holes” has been added to the University’s agenda.

Glory Holes — as defined in an article in LSU’s Daily Reveille — are holes “carved in the partitions of bathroom stalls, [and] are typically used for anonymous oral sex between men who insert their genitals into the hole.” LSU custodial engineers have apparently battled this “recurring problem” by placing steel plates over the holes. Nevertheless, some students keeping plugging away, going as far as alerting certain internet based communities — such as “CrusingForSex.com” — when counter efforts have led to a hole becoming “active” again.

Now, while it may not be particularly surprising that a problem like this exists on a college campus in a town that literally translates as “Red Stick,” one has to think this serves as quite a distraction. Hard to imagine what it must be like to grace the community thrown in one’s dormitory, only to be greeted by one or more, 2 to 3 inch, holes staring back at them on either side of the stall. Having to wonder what ominous presence may be lurking on the other side only exacerbates things, of course. It’s frightful, to say the least.

Of course, given LSU’s affinity for corn dogs, perhaps these glory holes are simply some ritualistic vehicle for transfer; a means for like-minded fans to share another common interest and passion during one of life’s more intimate routine moments.

Either way, as the Tigers prepare for an entirely different type of problem “Hole” in Atlanta on Saturday, I suppose we can only hope that the Glory Hole issue doesn’t raise its ugly head in any of the Georgia Dome’s stalls.

Hitler is told about the UNC investigation…

The NCAA’s investigation of alleged improprieties within North Carolina’s football program is a hot topic as of late. Depending on the source, the extent of the violations could result in anywhere between 3 to 16 players being suspended indefinitely, many important starters included.

Now, while many UNC fans may flippantly dismiss the gravity of all this — who cares about football in Chapel Hill anyway, right? — it’s important to remember that there are still some true blue, through and through, Heels out there that are really taking this to heart, and, for them, their Carolina Blue sky really is falling…

How to blow a Vuvuzela

The World Cup may be over, but, God bless it, whether perceived as aural ecstasy or a hellacious case of tinnitus, there’s no denying the ubiquitous call of the now internationally infamous vuvuzela lives on in the minds and eardrums of millions.

Thankfully, though one would think the vuvuzela — essentially a roided up kazoo — could be skillfully demonstrated sans operating manual, the world now has access to step-by-step instructions for bringing its inescapable awe and/or agitation to friends, family and utter strangers alike, regardless of the setting. Enjoy…

If you’re having trouble reading that (you probably are), click here for a full size version. Thanks to Dbj for the tip.

Cristiano Ronaldo Comes Out of the….I Mean, Becomes A Dad

Cristiano Ronaldo’s World Cup with Portugal ended last week thanks to David Villa and Spain, however he is now embarking on a new chapter in his life. The Real Madrid star announced Saturday that he is going to be a proud papa! Just not the way you would’ve assumed.

Allegedly, his son was born via a surrogate in NYC. Via Ronaldo’s facebook, “As agreed with the baby’s mother, who prefers to have her identity kept confidential,” he writes, “my son will be under my exclusive guardianship.”

The baby’s mother wants to remain confidential??!?! Cristiano Ronaldo is arguably one of the biggest sports stars in the entire world and his baby’s mama doesn’t want anyone to know? Ok, I’ve already come to grips with the fact that he is the one that doesn’t want anyone to know, but why??

Let me preface this next point by saying, I understand people dress a bit differently in Western Europe. They never got the memo that bathing suits could be longer than 6 inches or that males don’t need to shave their entire body in order to be a man. I also admit, I don’t know much about the family values of the Portuguese. It may be that having children by the time you’re 25 is so important that tons of guys are trying to buy theirs without actually being in a relationship. With that being said, c’mon.

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Farewell Fowler

Today was NCSU Athletic Director Lee Fowler’s last day in office and we at Frumpzilla would like to bid him farewell. Just as his card reads(presumably from his daughter), “May you prosper in all that you do, wherever you turn”. As long as that isn’t in Raleigh, because let’s face it, Yow is the time for a change.

(I really just wanted an excuse to post this picture that I find quite funny.)

So Long, Simão Sabrosa…

Well, at least to your World Cup days (most likely). Yes, one of the most recognizable and prolific Portuguese players of his generation, Simão will be pushing 35 years of age by the time we reach Rio in 2014.  Now, that doesn’t mean a 3rd World Cup appearance — a 4th if not for an injury in 2002 — for the former Sporting, Barcelona, Benfica and current Atlético Madrid star is impossible, but it’s gonna be a rather steep uphill battle, especially given he plays primarily as a winger.

So, given Portugal’s elimination at the hands of their Iberian neighbors, Spain, yesterday, I figured now would be a perfect time to bid Simão’s days gracing soccer’s biggest stage, “adeus” — and in as grandiose a manner possible. I’m talking, of course, about Univision Fútbol play-by-play man extraordinaire Pablo Ramirez, and his apparent oral infatuation with Simão.

Seriously, whether we’re talking about having a foot in golazos; exquisite runs both on and off the ball; drawing fouls; or even just casually switching play across the pitch, if Simão is involved, you can bet your bottom peso that Ramirez is aroused, or something.  I mean, I guess it really does roll quite nicely off the tongue, right? Perhaps a bit too easily for Ramirez, but pretty dang exciting nonetheless.

Check out this fantastic compilation from the 2006 World Cup, and be on the look out for anything from 2010. There’s been several gems, I just can’t seem to find any clips…

Many thanks to The Hurricane for the video.

How cool is that new Nike World Cup ad?

Wowzers…just friggin fantastic. Nike is definitely good at soccer commercials.

Meet Wenlock and Mandeville: 2012 London Olympic mascots

London unveiled their Olympic mascots yesterday. That’s really all I should have to write and you could infer the rest by simply staring at the picture. However, that’s not the effort that earns me 20 dollars every 3 months from this site so I SHALL PUSH ON!!!

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Dean Windass: Now Taking Broadcasting by the Balls

Dean Windass. Journeyman striker. Prolific goal scorer. Seemingly timeless, controversial English footballer. And now, indeed, on the cutting edge of broadcasting.

Yes, it’s true. Dean Windass played for 11 different clubs during a career that spanned nearly two decades (1990-2009). Did Dean Windass make nearly 700 professional appearances? Yes. Did Dean Windass score 230 professional goals? Yes. Did Dean Windass once grab and squeeze the testicles of an opponent during a match? Yes. Yes, Dean Windass did.

Is Dean Windass now grabbing the proverbial balls of Sky Sports and the footballing world as a Soccer Saturday match reporter? You’re god d*mn right Dean Windass is…

Thanks to T-Rex for the video…

Brett Favre to endorse Wrangler, really tiny, jeans

We’ve all seen the Brett Favre Wrangler jeans commercial. It has a certain je ne sais quoi about it, you know? Anyway, I guess this is just a natural progression for perhaps the greatest Packer ever. Nowhere to go but up from here…

Thanks to T-Rex for the tip…

Everyone Loves the Crazy Ump: Here’s some tips on how to become one yourself!

So, The GingerHead Man contacted me today from Kuala Lumpur (he’s still on vacay).  Apparently, during his semi-daily perusal of Deadspin, he’d come across this fantastic video of “Norm the Umpire” breaking dozens of kids’ spirits — as any truly accomplished, melodramatic umpire should — on a weekly basis.

Well, this naturally gave rise to yet another discussion about my and The GingerHead Man’s lifelong ambition of one day becoming volunteer Little League umpires, and doing the exact same thing.  Only better.  That’s right, better.

Don’t get us wrong, Norm is pretty dang good, but he ain’t the best.  We open our case with what I like to call “The Macarena Master.”  Make the jump for several more…

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Mets’ Ike Davis has teammate’s full support.

I was watching sportscenter’s top 10 this morning and I did a slight double take. As you’ll notice above, The Mets’ Ike Davis made a catch while falling into his team’s dugout. You’ll also notice his teammate giving him caressing support on his way down. I guess the cup offers more than adequate grip for a catch of that magnitude, but I can’t help but think he held on a bit long(not to mention the slight squeeze or adjustment at the end).

Being as MLB is much like NBC with the Olympics, only all the time, you’ll find a crappy embedded video after the frump, as well as a link to the official HQ version.

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U.S. Soccer Officially Announces 30-Man Preliminary Roster For World Cup 2010

Sorry, kids, “The Bob” left out Freddy Adu.  No Santino Quaranta either — despite that lovely piece ESPN did on him last week during the D.C. United-Kansas City match — and, of course, sad as it is, Charlie Davies couldn’t quite get fit in time to make the trip to South Africa.

There’s still one final cut to go.  This list of 30 has to be trimmed to 23 on June 1st, and, though there’s probably only a handful of truly “open” spots, I’m sure nearly every player on here will have a chance to make an impression during USA’s World Cup warm-ups against the Czech Repulic (May 25th, 8 p.m. ET, ESPN) and Turkey (May 29th, 2 p.m. ET, ESPN 2).

We plan on taking a slightly more in depth look at the U.S. squad once the final roster is determined, but for now you can find the 30 players set for training camp after the jump…

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NC State’s Future 2 Guard: Lorenzo Brown

Is it basketball season yet?

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Apex High alum Landon Powell catches 19th perfect game in MLB history

Article on the game and Landon’s bond with pitcher Dallas Braden

Pitchers get too much credit for the no-hitters and perfect games…everyone knows that the REAL credit should go to the catcher.  Throwing a ball?  Please.  Anyone can do that.  Hell, they usually drag some celebrity stiff on the field before the game and let them do it a few times.  You notice they never have someone “catch” the first pitch that is not a professional.

Kidding aside, just a quick Frump shout out to my former Cougar teammate.  Pretty awesome.  Here is a quick link to Landon’s Wikipedia page and MLB stat page.