Sports Cars Dethroned as Primary Means of Male Compensation

Tue, Jun 3, 2008 at 9:55 am ET

Kissed With Apocalypse, The Rest

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Hot chicks don't care about your big, bad, muscle machine anymore.  Or so I've been told...

Chicks dig cars, or so I’ve been told.  Sports cars especially, right?  Unh-unh.  Apparently not.  Not in this brave new world of ours…

Sports cars? Sheesh, that’s soooooo, like, 20th century, dude.

You see, a lot of things have changed in this new millennium. But, since we still know that all women are essentially one-dimensional, shallow, and heartless beings, if you want to look out your window and see anything even remotely similar to what’s depicted here, you’re gonna need to buy a Hybrid. It’s science.  Hot chick and a spors car?  Archival footage.

A new survey conducted by General Motors reveals that 88% of women say they’d rather go home with the guy driving the latest fuel efficient, eco-friendly vehicle instead of the hottest new sports car on the market.

Seriously?  I’d like to do some field testing with this.  Could get interesting.

And how about this tip for all you social climbing, weekend cocktail party crusaders out there:  80% of American car buyers would find someone with the newest Hyrbrid “more interesting to talk to at a party” than, say, the guy that rolls up in the Mercedes-Benz SLR McClaren Roadster.

Hah!  Who’d of thunk it?  You’ll be feeling better about yourself in no time, and at a fraction of the cost!

There are some other interesting bits of info in the press release as well, but I think I’ve highlighted the, ummm, highlights for you.

Of course, I think we should all keep in mind something that the General Motors survey may have overlooked.  It’s obvious GM is trying to send us a message: “Hey there, consumer.  You know what, Hybrids are cool (and will get you laid)“.

That’s all good and fine, but they don’t really provide an explanation for this phenomenon now do they?

Ah, yes.  The ole Bikini Car Wash.  Photo Courtesey of The Museum of Natrual History.Are we really supposed to believe that the 2008 Toyota Prius, in and of itself, has more poon-pulling power than, say, the 2008 Porsche 911 Carrera Coupe?  Of course not! I mean, let’s not be ridiculous.

So what’s the explanation?

Well, I’ve given this a lot of thought, and, given what we know about our female friends, as noted above, I’ve determined it can only be one thing: Money.  Specifically money saved.  It just makes sense, doesn’t it?

An enormous gap in sticker price combined with the recurring savings on month-to-month fuel costs sends its own message, loud and clear, to a potential mate:  “I, Hybrid owner, have lots of left-over disposable income to spend on you.

Mystery solved.

As for me, I think I’ll be sticking to my monstrosity of an SUV for the time being (not sure there’s a hybrid large enough to hold all the random shit I have stored in there at the moment).

I can’t be certain what that says about my personality, or my psychological makeup, but it apparently explains why I’m still single — my opinions about women [in obvious jest, ladies] notwithstanding…

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16 Responses to “Sports Cars Dethroned as Primary Means of Male Compensation”

  1. Striker Beaver Says:

    Very good point of view. That never crossed my mind. Would you like to know what crossed my mind after looking staring at those pictures?  big surprise

  2. dessert Says:

    i would say from my perspective , it is phenomenal

  3. Alan S. Says:

    You’ve really got to divide these types of surveys up by region.  I have no doubt that on the coasts, most women would prefer the guy in the hybrid than the Hummer, but in Mobile or Oklahoma City? Please…a guy who drives a hybrid is probably the equivalent of a guy who likes to knit.
    Alan S.
    Los Angeles DUI lawyer

  4. Erik Says:

    A lot of guys might buy muscle cars or sports cars to impress women, I don’t at all.  I buy them because I love the sound, speed, and looks.  I don’t care what women think.  Although I do like the hot pictures you posted of the women on the cars up above!  Great post though!

  5. get out of the friend zone Says:

    I can’t be certain what that says about my personality, or my psychological makeup, but it apparently explains why I’m still single, my opinions about women [in obvious jest, ladies] notwithstanding…

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  9. mallea Says:

    That woman sure is a BITCH.

  10. Twitter Car Layout Says:

    Really those are nice cars. i am really love sports car. but i do have only town car. sure i gonna buy one like this.

  11. layout Says:

    What beautiful cars guys. I am glad to see you have both taken delivery.The black really looks like a beast.. nice picture

  12. Charles Says:

    I think girls are more concerned with money, they’d rather be dating someone with a BMW or an Audi.  Sports cars mean nothing these days to them.  But, I’m not giving up my Trans Am.

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