The Hardest Hitting Fact in the UNC Agent Scandal

Thu, Sep 30, 2010 at 8:36 am ET

College Football, Entertainment, Sports, The Rest

Frumped by

Yahoo came out with the hardest hitting article yet concerning Heeloshima® last night. With it comes a cornucopia of things to talk about, but I want to focus on the hardest hitting fact included in the article…
…that’s a whole lot of porn.

The article includes a link to it’s supporting documentation(I’ll let you read the article, I don’t feel like re-reporting) which are hotel receipts for stays at a Residence Inn by former UNC player Kentwan Balmer and current(read: former) UNC player Marvin Austin. These receipts are broken down to show the room charges, applicable taxes, and the “extras”. These “extras” aren’t exactly macadamia nuts or room service either…it’s just a whole lot of porn.

Above is Kentwan Balmer who stayed at the hotel in question for 35 days and racked up 13 movies! These aren’t your recently released $4.99 “Blind Side” rentals either. These “films” range from $9.99 to $29.99(exhibits: A & B)!!!! Seriously, granted I’ve never actually paid to watch porn, but what the hell could be worth $29.99 for a one-time watch?! Did it involve midgets? Super secret stuff I don’t know even know about yet?

And then there is Marvin Austin who ordered a modest 2 “films” during his 9 day stay(exhibit: C). Problem is, they were both $14.99 and they were both ON THE SAME NIGHT! That’s just greedy Marvin. Sure, who doesn’t like to get a little variety into the repertoire, but not when it costs another $14.99 just to flip back and forth! I haven’t seen that done since a pal slept on my couch during college and ordered 3 at-a-time….the bastard.

Sure, there are a lot of hard hitting facts in that Yahoo article, but are any of them as intriguing as this?

Exhibit A

Exhibit B

Exhibit C

editors note: I do realize EVERYTHING else hits harder than this…those guys are screwed.

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2 Responses to “The Hardest Hitting Fact in the UNC Agent Scandal”

  1. B Diddy Says:

    Thoughts on the names of the “films” these guys got? I’m especially curious of the $29.99 title…

  2. Joe Ovies Says:

    Balmer receipts had movies costing $15 & $30 charged to the room? Come on, man. That's what WiFi access is for….

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